The Natty Daddy
During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:
In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.
Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.
Nobody tucks their boner.
MIPs turn into PIs.
Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.
Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.
Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.
.08 turns into .32
In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.
People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.
Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.
Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.
There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.
Continue the list in the Comments section below…
Flip Cup turns into Flip Jug
13 years ago at 5:14 pm4’s still look like 4s…c’mon, you’re better than that
13 years ago at 5:15 pmUsually wake up with one slam. Wake up with three.
13 years ago at 5:16 pmNot waking up with three slams daily. NF.
13 years ago at 5:19 pm^^ Making said slams sleep on the floor. FaF.
13 years ago at 5:26 pm^^^kicking slams out before they fall asleep. TFTC
13 years ago at 5:37 pmUsually wake up with one slam. Wake up with pieces of one instead.
13 years ago at 7:08 pmNo it is better to let them sleep on the floor. That way, you get morning sex as well.
13 years ago at 9:04 amInstead of blacking out for the night, your blackout for the rest of the semster
13 years ago at 5:16 pmPissing in the bushes behind the house instead of a bathroom turns into shameless pissing in the corner of the room, and soon the house resembles an R Kelly fantasy.
13 years ago at 5:19 pmMentioning you hunt turns into a full scale invasion of the zoo.
13 years ago at 5:24 pmYou get so drunk you can’t drive. It logically follows that your sperm are therefore too drunk to find their way to the egg so condom use is unnecessary.
13 years ago at 5:39 pmI read Thad Castle’s twitter too.
13 years ago at 11:01 amYou wake up with Tim Tebow nailed to a cross in the front yard.
13 years ago at 5:43 pmLaughed my ass off at this
13 years ago at 8:24 pmWell fucking played sir
13 years ago at 9:56 pmThis guy^
13 years ago at 10:05 pmYes
13 years ago at 2:15 pmDrunk tank turns into cell block
13 years ago at 5:44 pmWaking up alive turns into not waking up at all.
13 years ago at 5:50 pm