The Natty Daddy
During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:
In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.
Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.
Nobody tucks their boner.
MIPs turn into PIs.
Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.
Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.
Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.
.08 turns into .32
In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.
People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.
Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.
Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.
There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.
Continue the list in the Comments section below…
Breaking up with slampiece turns into burying slampiece.
13 years ago at 5:52 pmMaking drunk trashcan punch turns into drug filled tigerblood.
13 years ago at 5:56 pmI don’t know what went wrong, but the first page of these comments were hilarious, now it’s the third page and all of the comments have gone from funny to disturbing.
13 years ago at 6:30 pmSomeone has never had NATTY DADDY…
13 years ago at 7:06 pmThe curse of the Natty Daddy
13 years ago at 7:12 pmIf you think that’s disturbing, wait till you see my Penn State shower video.
13 years ago at 8:55 pmThings get dark, that’s the nature of the Natty Daddy.
13 years ago at 9:59 pmThe composed tie flip over the shoulder vomit session turns into a gut wrenching, gastrointestinal explosion.
13 years ago at 7:25 pmDrunk frat castle drywall holes turn into drunk administrative building marble holes.
13 years ago at 7:47 pmOh big gulps huh? Well see you later.
13 years ago at 8:14 pmclassic
13 years ago at 11:29 pmDrunken stagger back to the castle with the slam turns into slam getting an impromptu session on how to potato sack twice her body weight.
13 years ago at 8:16 pmThe next morning your slams sisters have to cart her off in a wheel chair….the roll of shame
13 years ago at 8:17 pmIts 3 nattys…learn math.
13 years ago at 8:37 pmyou forgot to take into account the increased alcohol %
13 years ago at 8:38 pmMeh, if it’s natty light its 4 beers. If its natty ice it’s 3.
13 years ago at 8:45 pmWho the fuck drinks natty ice?
13 years ago at 3:46 amwho the fuck gets on here at 4 in the morning? although natty ice is agreeably nf
13 years ago at 4:40 pmbeer shits blow up in the bottom tier 2 houses down
13 years ago at 9:12 pmjust spit my natty all over my macbook from laughing at this… TFTC about cleaning it up though
13 years ago at 9:39 pm^Trying too hard. NF.
13 years ago at 2:39 am