The Official 2016 Frat Bracket Championship Game: Natural Light vs. Hazing

Jared Borislow9 years ago

Well, folks, it all comes down to this. The Big Dance. The Holy Grail. The Grandaddy of Them All. Of course, I’m talking about the Official 2016 Frat Bracket championship game, wherein fraternal powerhouses Natural Light and hazing face off to see which will be crowned 2016’s frattest thing — 100% decided by you sickos.

To see the full 68-team bracket, click here.

Check out both of the following profiles on each hopeful and deserving party and then vote away.

#1 Natural Light

Victories over: #16 Philanthropy, #9 Patagonia, #4 Cocaine, #2 Golf, #14 Shower beers

Natural Light has been the nourishing lifeblood of every fraternity man since 1977. If you ever encounter a fraternity man who hasn’t had the smooth pilsner with all-natural ingredients pass through his lips, you have my permission to hold him down and force feed it to him. Maybe even hook him up to a Natty Light IV. I can guarantee you that he wouldn’t be mad about either one — the force feeding because you will have just opened his eyes to glory previously unbeknownst to him, and the IV because the beer’s carbonation would cause him to die a swift, brain aneurysm-induced death.

As you should already know, this stuff is good. How good? Good enough for the Mick.

What does he know? He’s just a 20x MLB All-Star and the greatest switch hitter to ever play the game. If you don’t want to be like the Mick, you shouldn’t be drinking Natty. Natural Light is the beer of World Series champions and intramural champions alike, and is undoubtedly the frattest form of alcohol that exists on planet earth today.

Required reading: In Defense Of A Cheap Beer: Natural Light

#2 Hazing

Victories over: #15 Seersucker, #7 Republicanism, #3 Tailgates, #1 Butt stuff, #2 Sperry Top-Sider

Like I said last week, fraternities are nothing without their members, and their members are nothing without hazing. I mean, just look what hazing did for our man Paul F. South

Hazing molds boys into men and molds strangers into friends. It truly is a beautiful thing (unless you’re a Greek life advisor or nationals rep) that leads to great memories and lifetime bonds. Being a non-hazing fraternity. NF. Being a “non-hazing fraternity.” TFM.

With that being said, while hazing is clearly frat, it wasn’t granted a 1 seed for a reason – it isn’t primarily a fraternity thing. A ton of professional athletes, gangs, GDI band members and even high schoolers haze, whereas fraternity men are Natural Light’s bread and butter (and vice versa). Will that hurt the number 2 seed’s chances against the 1 seed? We’re about to find out.

Required reading: Why Hazing Is Good For You

Have you done all your research? Great — it’s time to select who you think deserves to be crowned the Official 2016 Frat Bracket champion. Cast your vote now to help decide 2016’s frattest thing.

[poll id=”89″]

Featured image by Connor Davis. Follow him on Instagram.

Listen to us discuss this matchup on the Inside TFM Podcast below: