The Official 2016 Not Frat Bracket Championship Game: Hillary Clinton vs. Feminism

TFM Intern9 years ago

The Official 2016 Not Frat Bracket is here.

Earlier this year, your votes determined that Natural Light is 2016’s frattest thing. Now, it’s time to find out what reigns supreme at the opposite end of the spectrum — what is 2016’s most NF (not frat) thing? That’s up to you to decide.

This is it. The last 1.5 months of voting and the elimination of 62 contenders have led to this one shining moment. The vote to end all (NF-related) votes. The Championship Game. But first, here’s how things went down in the Final Four.

•*UPSET* #1 Cargos fell to #2 Hillary Clinton 41%-59%

•*UPSET*#1 North Korea got DEMOLISHED by #3 Feminism 25%-75%

So now we have a 2 seed in Hillary Clinton and a 3 seed in Feminism facing off to determine the pinnacle of not fratdom for 2016. They’re gonna leave it all out there on the field and, after it’s all said and done, we’ll have a new poster child for NF. I can’t wait.

To see how the bracket played out from the round of 64 down to the Elite Eight, click here.

The winner of the NF Bracket will be announced next week

#2 Hillary Clinton

Victories over: #15 Piercings, #7 TOMS, #14 Hot Topic, #1 Socialism, #1 Cargos

Coming in off of back-to-back victories over 1 seeds, it’s incredibly clear that Hillary Clinton is not here to mess around. She wants the NF Bracket Championship, and she wants it now.

There’s not much to say about Hildog that hasn’t already been said. Her actions led to the deaths of some of America’s finest gentleman in Benghazi, she’s the Democratic candidate for president (Gross!), she prefers the Blackberry to the FaF iPhone, and she has told so many lies that if she were Pinocchio, her nose would be so long that she wouldn’t be able to get close enough to Slick Willy to blow him (though I feel like she’s not doing too much of that already anyways).

We sent Hillary an email to see if she had anything she wanted to say to the NF Bracket voters, but she never got back to us. She must’ve “accidentally” deleted it.

Required viewing: Watch Hillary Clinton Lie For 14 Straight Minutes, Because Politics Are Honestly Hilarious

*****

#3 Feminism

Victories over: #14 Flat-brim hats, #6 Hoverboards, #2 Bernie Sanders, #8 Gun control, #1 North Korea

I can hear the outrage now. “TFM’s “Not Frat” Championship Game is being played between Hillary Clinton and Feminism? MISOGYNY RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE SEXIST RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE FRAT DOUCHES RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!” Calm down. These two aren’t NF because they’re feminine, they’re NF because they’re… NF. Hillary is a lying Democrat, and feminists (these are over-the-top, radical feminists, mind you, not normal feminists) use baseless arguments to guilt others into hating themselves and their privilege. Those characteristics would make anything NF; having a vagina has nothing to do with it.

Over-the-top feminists are as annoying as it gets. They yell at you for made-up microaggressions and make you feel bad for being the benefactor of a system you did nothing to create. Plus, a lot of them smell bad and have so much armpit hair that they could cut it off, insulate a house with it, and then yell at the house for being symbolic of the suppressed female.

Required viewing: This…

“If you shut the fuck up and let me read my list, there’s the fuckin’ proof.”

“I’m reading, fuckface.”

“Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! You hate sexism but you’re in MRA? Point taken; we… like… we win. Sorry.”

A lot of productive dialogue comin’ out of Carrot Top’s mouth in this diatribe.

*****

It’s time to vote.

The winner of the NF Bracket will be announced next week

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Bracket design by Connor Davis. Follow him on Instagram.

Images via YouTube, YouTube