The Official 2016 Not Frat Bracket: Round Of 32

TFM Intern9 years ago

The Official 2016 Not Frat Bracket is here.

Earlier this year, your votes determined that Natural Light is 2016’s frattest thing. Now, it’s time to find out what reigns supreme at the opposite end of the spectrum — what is 2016’s most NF (not frat) thing? That’s up to you to decide.

After a round of 64 that saw an astonishing 418,636 votes cast, some big-time upsets, and two games determined by less than 87 votes, we have our field of 32 NF things ready to be voted upon. Let’s get to our first region.

Note: Bracket regions are named after the four main frat regions in a purely ceremonial manner. The things listed under them do not necessarily have any specific relationship with that respective frat region.

#1 Socialism vs. #8 Campus PD

Both socialism and campus PD are coming off big wins in the round of 64, garnering 89% of the vote and 75% of the vote respectively. Do campus cops, who don’t even have what it takes to chase down post-freshman 15 college students, have what it takes to take down the 1 seed? Only time will tell.

#2 Hillary Clinton vs. #7 TOMS

Trump said it best:

In the other corner of the ring, you have those ballet-looking-ass shoes that make dude feet look like woman feet. Yuck. I stand by my assertion that TOMS would be doing more good for the world if they donated beer to those impoverished African children for each pair of TOMS sold instead of TOMS. That would help the kids forget about their situation instead of causing them to get even more depressed every time they look down at their feet and see that they’re wearing TOMS.

#4 Priuses vs. #5 Veganism

While Priuses are ideal for pulling an Andy Bernard and silently sneaking up on your opponents/pinning them up against a fence, it’s NF to care about the environment. Why do you think Dubya beat Al Gore in 2000? No, it wasn’t a flawed electoral college system; it was that tree-hugging pussy’s pro-environment stance. Furthermore, because of how “green” it is, the Prius is the car of the vegan. Which begs the question: which is worse, the car or the owner? Vote.

#6 Occupy Wall Street vs. #14 Hot Topic

Do you know what’s worse than a protest? An outdated, failed protest run by 99%ers who are angry about… things. I actually don’t even know what they were protesting about, to be honest. Poor people stuff, I assume, like how the McDouble should be added back to the dollar menu and how drug tests for people living off welfare are unconstitutional. #14 Hot Topic made it to the round of 32 via an absolute rout of a 3 seed, upsetting #3 Man buns with 62% of the vote. The power of pentagram t-shirts and Dragon Ball Z sweatpants was clearly underestimated.