The Official 2016 Not Frat Bracket: Round Of 64
9 years ago

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The South Region

#1 Protesting vs. #16 “Shushing” at the library

If you have a problem with protesting getting a number 1 seed, go protest about it. That has about as good a possibility of making a difference as anything else, because there’s a zero percent chance I back down from this seeding. Protesting is ruining this country like gravity and time ruined Pamela Anderson’s body. Shushing never had a chance.

#2 Bernie Sanders vs. #15 Being an RA

Ah yes, the socialist champion, Bernie Sanders. This granola-eating Vermonter is the main cause of your friends’ annoying Facebook rants in 2016. RAs were the main cause of you pouring your alcohol down the bathroom sink drain freshman year. Vote.

#3 Feminism vs. #14 Flat-brim hats

What started as an honorable, modern day Susan B. Anthony-esque movement has devolved into sheer idiocy thanks to stupid, entitled milennials. Flat-brim hats are the easiest way to spot a douchebag from a distance.

#4 Shirtless mirror pics vs. #13 Filing a noise complaint

What is this, MySpace circa 2007? Cut that mirror selfie shit out, morons. We have front cameras now. I’m hoping for an upset here, though; noise complaints suck.

#5 Nickelback vs. #12 Chain wallets

Nickelback is fun to listen to satirically, but, in reality, they’re awful. Chain wallets are something poor people who wear JNCO jeans use to keep track of their empty wallets. Never really understood the point of them.

#6 Hoverboards vs. #11 Local coffee shops

I hope every hoverboard in the world explodes while their owners are riding them into local coffee shops, thus exploding the beaneries. That would be ideal. But alas, you can only pick one.

#7 Meth vs. #10 Virginity

Meth is for people who are too poor and stupid to use cocaine. Virginity is for people who are too poor or stupid to have sex.

#8 Gun control vs. #9 Tribal tats

What’s next, knife control??? Then how are we gonna kill all the people who have tribal tats?!?

Stay tuned: The Official 2016 Frat Bracket: Round Of 32 will be announced early next week

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Bracket design by Connor Davis. Follow him on Instagram.

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  2. ThePatternIsFull

    For God sake, if you are going to put these things on the app, make sure they are going to work. It’s not that hard. I’m pretty sure Intern Scrotum-stench could make this work. Come on Boosh, you’re better than this.

    9 years ago at 11:31 am
  3. fratstar570

    This was painful as fuck to fill out. Almost as hard as trying to determine who’s the worst TFM writer, SteveHolt or Wally Bryton?

    9 years ago at 11:34 am
    1. keg__atron69

      Tbh, I think it does. Same way the size of my wallet makes up for the size of my dick

      9 years ago at 11:45 am
  6. TDUB_Frathound

    How the fuck did Bernie Sanders make it to be seated in the south? He’s a Vermont cuck

    9 years ago at 11:51 am
    1. AlotInsideAmySchumer

      Also, at the current rate it has been going, where’s the wall. Fuck Steve Holt.

      9 years ago at 12:29 pm
      1. thevaginator

        It’s getting killed right now. I have a feeling that the People’s Republic of TFM realized their error and, in an attempt to prevent triggering their overly sensitive intern, rigged the vote.

        9 years ago at 1:29 am
      4. AbbyMiah

        Here Before I saw the check which was of 19733 dollar , I didn’t believe that…my… mother in law woz like realey bringing in money part time at their laptop.. there great aunt haz done this 4 only 22 months and resently paid for the morgage on there condo and got a great new Mercedes-Benz S-class…
        Visit this website…WWW.BuzzFeedReport.TK

        9 years ago at 11:58 am
  8. Han Polo

    From my experience, premature ejaculation is somewhat frat neutral. If not, it’s slightly frat positive. Doesn’t matter had sex.

    9 years ago at 11:55 am
    1. MaptainCorgan

      Wait so prematurely ejaculating from a dry hj isn’t frat? Asking for a friend

      9 years ago at 1:19 pm
      1. Han Polo

        I am getting word that “dry hj ejaculation” is an event at the Frolympics (Frat Olympics). Ask your “friend” if he recorded his time, he may qualify.

        9 years ago at 10:12 pm
    2. frapitalism

      finishing early is a definite TFM, so I’m thinking that jumping the gun is frat positive.

      9 years ago at 7:23 am
    1. 1_Rugey_Jentelman

      Woah, they’re big leagues, playing on the Olympic stage. This is just the collegiate tournament.

      9 years ago at 12:58 pm