The Official 2018 Frat Bracket: Round Of 64

TFM Intern7 years ago

It’s March and we’ve got bracket fever, so we decided it’s time for the return of the wildly successful and groundbreaking Frat Bracket. Last seen back in 2016, the goal of the Frat Bracket is for the public (that’s you) to rock the vote as a means of determining the year’s frattest thing, whether that be an object, concept, action, event, or what have you. You may notice we skipped 2017; that’s because 2017’s frattest thing was us, for deciding to skip the 2017 frat bracket for no reason whatsoever. Congratulations to us! And further congratulations to Natural Light, which is back again in this tournament to defend its 2016 Frat Bracket championship and subsequent perfect Frat Bracket record of 6-0. Enjoy that 1 seed, Natty. Follow along as we find out what stands alone as the current frattest thing in the world.

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If you want to do some fracketology (frat bracketology) to see if you can perfectly predict how this year’s Frat Bracket will pan out, print out and fill out an empty bracket and follow along as the results come pouring in. Let’s get to our first region.

Note: Bracket regions are named after the four main frat regions in a purely ceremonial manner. The things listed under them do not necessarily have any specific relationship with that respective frat region.

#1 JUULing vs. #16 Hitting friends with golf carts

Some people are saying, “JUULing only recently burst onto the scene; how can you give it a 1 seed and stick Icing, an established fraternity tradition, in the dreaded 2 spot?”

It’s not about when you jump into the pool, but rather the splash you make — and JUUL did a fucking triple backflip jackknife McTwist into a cannonball that somehow completely emptied every pool in a 5 mile radius of water. The quickness with which JUULing has spread is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. It’s hard to go viral when you’re a vape company, but JUUL did it. They convinced millennials to turn the triple tap (wallet-phone-keys) into the quadJUULple tap (wallet-phone-keys-JUUL or, for some people, JUUL-JUUL-JUUL-JUUL).

Hitting friends with golf carts had its heyday, sure. It gave us a few chuckles while simultaneously causing us to fear for our lives and limbs each time we hit the links with our friends.

CHOO CHOOOOO (@flans1234)

A post shared by TFM (@totalfratmove) on Jul 6, 2017 at 1:11pm PDT

But I just don’t think it has what it takes to topple JUULing. Do you? Vote below.

#2 Smirnoff Ice (Icing) vs. #15 Swing ring

Icing is back, but it also never left for many people. The look on a man’s face when he successfully Ices his friend is one of pure, unadulterated joy, which is in perfect contrast to the face of the man who’s just been hoodwinked by his friend. Let’s see one of those faces right now, shall we?!

They really put it in a burrito. #BringBackIcing

A post shared by TFM (@totalfratmove) on May 15, 2017 at 1:10pm PDT

Truly a spectacle. Swing ring is a wildly underrated bar game, and the fact that it’s only played by drunk people is a fact that was clearly not lost on the committee. But does it have what it takes to put Smirnoff Ice (Icing) on upset alert?

#3 Whiskey vs. #14 Burnett’s vodka

This is one to watch. What do modern fraternity members value more: tradition and taste or cost-effectiveness and mass appeal? We’re about to find out.

#4 Dip vs. #13 Cracked phone screens

Long cut straight to the gums (and between the toes for the more rowdy folk out there) edged out #6 cigarettes in the seeding department to earn the honor of 2018’s highest-ranked tobacco fix coming into the Frat Bracket. But it’s March, so who knows? Maybe dip will fall to time-honored cracked phone screens and throw a wrench in things. Vote.

#5 Hawaiian shirts vs. #12 Late plates

Hawaiian shirts are frat because they are wildly flattering. Beer gut? That’s nothing a Hawaiian can’t fully fix by draping floral, festive fabric over it. That was a lot of Fs right there, which was intentional and indicative of the amount of F-ing people who wear Hawaiian shirts do.

Late plates are frat because the fact that yours is always eaten by a pledge brother before you have a chance to get after it is hilarious.

Speaking of Hawaiian shirts, you can snag some pretty fucking incredible ones from our sponsor Man Outfitters. Check out their full collection of button down shirts here.

#6 Cigarettes vs. #11 Flaming shots

Flaming cylinders vs. flaming alcohol in a battle to decide which is the fratter way to inflict trauma upon your own mouth. In case you’re unfamiliar with flaming shots…

The risk/reward here just doesn't make sense (@Elizjoy22)

A post shared by TFM (@totalfratmove) on Nov 17, 2017 at 12:23pm PST

#7 Not paying dues vs. #10 Heater flips

Paying dues right when they’re… due… is for squares, pledges, and Exec. Not paying them at all is the way to go. And heater flips? Well, they speak for themselves.

The heater flip. #TFM

A post shared by TFM (@totalfratmove) on Feb 28, 2017 at 7:17am PST

Which is more frat? You decide.

#8 Nepotism vs. #9 Chili’s Grill & Bar

Google defines “nepotism” as “the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs.” Google defines Chili’s Grill & Bar as “an American casual dining restaurant chain that features Tex-Mex-style cuisine. The company was founded by Larry Lavine in Texas in 1975 and is currently owned and operated by Brinker International.” Nepotism leads to good jobs. Chili’s leads to Presidente Margaritas, Skillet Queso, and sizzling fajitas. The rest is up to you.