The Rush Ninjas

PDT MSB13 years ago

Every fraternity has them. Every rush chair must deal with them, and possibly face the wrath of the active chapter if they successfully beat the system. Those guys you thought were A-teamers going through rush? Yeah, well they are what I like to call “Rush Ninjas.” You see, the Rush Ninja has perfected the art of deception and once you guys know about it, there is no turning back because it is already too late. They come through rush, fill you with their lies and deceit and before you know it, rush chairs have a full fledged GDI in disguise on their hands. Anyone who wants to disagree and say their chapter has no Rush Ninjas in it, just go ahead and get the hell out, you have at least one in each pledge class and if you still deny it you, sir, are probably one of these ninjas.

The “He Looks Fratty” Ninja

These ninjas know what we, as fraternity men, are looking for. They are probably the ones who get on this website strictly to find what normal fraternity men wear. You can compare this ninja rushee to a crack addict. You can send them through rehab, they can go through withdrawal, and seem to be cured. Well guess what you gullible sons of bitches? A crack addict can relapse as soon as you loosen the reigns just a bit. As soon as you give this ninja a bid, the cargo shorts, Oakleys, and high school football rings will come right back. They have perfected the art of deception. However, there is an easy way to prevent these ninjas from ever seeing the inside of your chapter house, it is called Facebook stalking. Yes, I know what many of you are thinking. You are thinking that there is no way in hell you are going to get on Facebook and go through a guy’s pictures to see what his choice of attire may be. Well, if you want to be ninja’d, simply ignore this preventative method and face the consequences. Profile pictures are a great place to start as well as determine what kind of rushee you may be dealing with. Gentlemen, this ninja is stealthy, deceitful, and yet still…a genius. They realize that there is no way on God’s green earth they will get a bid to fraternity, therefore they adapt and put on a disguise in order to work their way in and then fuck your chapter in the ass.

The “This Guy is Rich as Shit” Ninja

Guess what, dumbasses? I drive a Porsche 911 Turbo, have houses in the Hamptons, Cayman Islands, and Martha’s Vineyard. Did I mention the G5? Yeah, I am lying about all of this. I may be driving a Geo Metro but if you don’t see me drive up in it, who will know? These ninja’s will promise a new addition to the chapter house if given a bid and half of your chapter will believe them. However, if this ninja is wearing anything less than a $500 wardrobe, odds are his dad is not the CEO of some major corporation and he did not fly down on his private jet. If any of these ninjas slip through the cracks and then it is determined that every piece of information they have provided is an outright lie, cut them immediately. Sometimes you have to shoot a hostage to keep the rest in line.

The “Shit-Talking” Ninja

These ninjas are by far the sneakiest of the group. They will come into your chapter during rush and talk as much trash about your rival fraternity as they can. There is no way around it. You will believe them and most likely give them a bid. If you are rivals with another chapter and a rushee comes in and talks shit about that rival fraternity, you as a dues paying member are going to think, “This guy hates them as much as I do. Let’s bid him up.” Then the aftershock sets in. A bid will be extended to this ninja and come bid day he’s going to party at that same rival fraternity house as a new pledge. Don’t be discouraged. Your chapter is not the only chapter he ninja’d. This sneaky little bastard understands the Greek system at your school just about as well as you do. Odds are he went to your rival chapter and talked the same amount of shit about you. He has deciphered the system and found a loophole.

The “I Like to Party” Ninja

If your chapter is anything like mine, there is a group of guys that will do anything short of sex with a dude to rage harder than the next guy. Well, there is a rushee with the exact same mindset. They will party harder than most active chapter members, they will have sex with women twice their age, and they will almost always be in possession of the “Golden Ticket” of fraternity men, a fake ID. Let’s get this straight, there is nothing wrong with someone who likes to party. In actuality, the partying type is encouraged with fraternity life. However, when it is 4:00am and your senior accounting exam is at 8:00 in the morning, you will want nothing more than to take a crowbar to this party ninja’s face. There comes a time in fraternity life when alcohol and women need to be placed on the low end of the totem pole. This type of ninja can actually be “un-ninjafied” by certain possibly unethical actions taken by active fraternity members. He is the only ninja that can be cured.

Now that you know the various levels of the Rush Ninja, you are better prepared to discern the ninjas from the rushees you actually want. As I have said in previous paragraphs, if one of these ninjas manages to slip through the cracks and land himself as member of your chapter’s new pledge class, do not hesitate to release him back to the wild of GDI land. It is where they belong and the sooner these ninjas learn their rightful place, the less worrying the rush chairs and chapter will have to go through.