The Time A Single Instagram Post Nearly Burned The Site To The Ground
8 years ago

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Do any of you remember the time a TFM Instagram post nearly burned this site to the ground? Because it was today. If you were on Instagram this morning around 11:00-ish, and I really hope you weren’t, you may have seen an Instagram video we posted that was so off-brand that it nearly brought our company to its knees. Jared posted it. It was live for about 50 minutes before it was taken down.

The video showed two guys performing what has become commonly referred to as a “beer luge.” This wasn’t a standard beer luge, though. For starters, they were both shirtless. The beer luge, which Jared so cleverly captioned a “chest hole luge,” was performed by Guy 1 on Guy 2’s bare chest and stomach.

Guy 1 poured a beer into Guy 2’s “chest hole,” which is that crater-like area at the base of a guy’s chest. This guy’s was abnormally deep, however, which is why A) Jared called it a chest hole, but also why B) Guy 1 chose to use it as a temporary vat to hold his beer. As he poured the beer into his partner’s chest cavity, gravity ran its course and so it obviously ran down his stomach into the waiting mouth of Guy 1.

What made this particular beer luge extra off-brand is that Guy 2 had a skinny pack — one of those emaciated six-packs that skinny guys have. To be quite frank, it looked like the beginning of a low budget gay porn.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

That’s a great Seinfeld clip, but also it’s very true. It’s not that we take issue with the homosexual lifestyle, because we don’t. It’s that videos of this nature are so unbelievably off-brand, and Jared, who’s been working here for a couple years now, should know better. None of us can figure out why Jared thought it made for good TFM content. Unfollows and negative comments and “TFM is now a gay porn feed” remarks were swift and abundant.

What does Jared have to say for himself?

That’s the face of someone spinning obvious guilt and shame into an attempt at humor. A sad display. Okay so what are the fans saying?

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Our social media careers and possibly our lives. Our LIVES.

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That last sentiment is exactly where I come out. If Guy 2 was the jovial fat guy in every group of friends, the video is maybe passable as suitable TFM content, because it would be a little funny. But Guy 2 was built for the gay porn industry. He just was. He had the look.

What do we do with Jared? What’s proper punishment for nearly ruining our lives with a single Instagram post?

  3. Ross Bolen

    I’ve still got random people, total strangers, mind you, coming at me in Twitter DMs and Snapchat asking me what the shit he was thinking. Worst post in TFM history.

    8 years ago at 3:51 pm
    3. TFM Dude

      No. Worst post was when Bomen made fun of 9/11 victims and got like -10,000 laps on his own article.

      8 years ago at 10:53 am
  4. Jeffrey.Courage

    Leak his phone number to the people and force him to endure all the harassment himself

    8 years ago at 4:08 pm
  6. The_Names_Doug_Dimmadome

    My favorite part of all this is the sloppily written long division on the white board in your office under the title “content alley”. As if Jared sat there and did math before posting this bullshit.

    8 years ago at 4:54 pm
  7. Great Bambino

    At a minimum his punishment should be to pay all your tabs at the bar the maximum I’m not sure I wasn’t a pledge educator so my mind doesn’t work like that.

    8 years ago at 5:11 pm
  10. SP1897

    “That last sentiment is where I come out.” You read it here, fellas. Proof from the horse’s mouth that Dorn is gay.

    8 years ago at 6:40 pm