The Weekly Dump: Oprah’s “Secret Talent” Is Cleaning Up Doodie Stains

Socrates Johnson7 years ago

Please play the following fun and fanciful tune as you indulge in some light reading on this happiest of Fridays.

‘Airline poo’ falls on India village causing confusion

From BBC:

Indian officials suspect an icy ball which fell on a village in the northern state of Haryana is frozen human waste leaked from an aeroplane overhead.

The 10-12kg (22lbs-26lbs) chunk of ice fell on Fazilpur Badli village with a “big thud,” startling residents on Saturday.

Senior Gurgaon official Vivek Kalia told the BBC some villagers thought it was an “extra-terrestrial” object.

Plane toilets store human waste in special tanks.

These are normally disposed of once the plane has landed. But international aviation authorities acknowledge that lavatory leaks can occur in the air.

What the fuck is up with planes dumping shit on top of India? This is the second time this has happened in like a month and a half, which frankly, is two times too many. I’m thinking that zero times is the ideal amount of times for this to be going down.

Although to be fair, it is a little bit funny to imagine a bunch of villagers gathered around a frozen piece of regurgitated airline food while thinking they’ve made some sort of monumental scientific discovery. That aside, someone in the “lavatory leaks” department has been seriously slacking on the job.

This mom emailed the school principal. He responded with a poop emoji.

From Miami Herald:

The founder of a public charter school in Florida says he really isn’t sure how a poop emoji ended up at the bottom of an email to a concerned parent.

But Alfredo de la Rosa — who is also the chief education administrator at the Miami Arts Charter School — nevertheless acknowledged in an email to parents Wednesday that his exchange with a parent who inquired about the arrest of a teacher at the school’s other campus missed the mark.

“In retrospect, I concede that the tone and content of my response to a recent parent email was not an effective way to react or communicate,” de la Rosa wrote in the email, which was obtained by The Post. “It is truly never my intention to alienate anyone who may wish to inquire about any issue or voice any concern at our school.”

De La Rosa’s statement followed a testy email exchange last week with Nancy Tyler, a parent who asked why she and other parents weren’t notified when a teacher at the school’s Wynwood campus was accused of having a sexual relationship with an underage student.

There is a time and place to use the poop emoji. When you’re hungover and would like the recipient of the text to know that you feel like shit. When you’re on the toilet and want to portray that you are, in fact, in the act of shitting. When your girlfriend shoots you a ridiculously long text and you don’t feel like sending back a well thought out response but you want her to know that you actually do give a shit. Alfredo de la Rosa, which literally translates to Alfred of the Rose, showed that Roses really do smell boo-boo when he made a boo-boo of his own and picked one of the worst times to throw out the poop emoji.

Part of me believes that this dude actually has no idea how the poop emoji made its way into the email. Old people are straight-up morons when it comes to computers. But then again, you know what they say: the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t know how the poop emoji got to the bottom of the email.

Oprah Winfrey Enthusiastically Demonstrates How to Clean Up Dog Poop Stains

From E! News:

You’re going to wish you got as excited about anything as Oprah Winfrey is about cleaning up dog poop.

That’s right: the Oprah Winfrey—media maven, overall icon and car giveaway enthusiast—is also a master at the art of cleaning dog feces stains. In honor of Vanity Fair’s “Secret Talent Theater,” the master took fans behind the scenes as she got to work.

I honestly expected better from Oprah here. She’s supposed to be our next president, and she’s out here cleaning up dog shit stains? Figure out how to get my cat to stop puking inside of my shoes and then we’ll talk..

[via BBC and Miami Herald and E! News]

Image via Vanity Fair/YouTube