Theta Chi Member Claims Title Of “Certified Party God And All-American Badass” Via Business Card
11 years ago

“Hey there, I was hoping to get some more information about your chapter. Really looking forward to rushing next semester Can’t you point me in the direction of your Rush Chair?”

“Oh, you need to talk to Jake then.”

“Is Jake the Rush Chair?”

“No way, bro. He’s our Certified Party God and All-American Badass. He’ll take care of you.”

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This Snapchat screenshot was sent to me by an anonymous tipster. He claims the Theta Chi chapter is from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, although it’s unconfirmed.

I can’t imagine the burden of carrying around a title like that. As the Certified Party God and All-American Badass, self-proclaimed or not, you are essentially never allowed to take a minute off from the party life. If your boys are drinking, you have to drink. A couple buds ask you to skip class to get drunk and float the river? You have no choice–you’re going. You walk by a group of stoners on campus that are passing around a spliff and extend it to you for a hit? Guess what, asshole? You’re getting high as fuck. You have to. You even pass that burden around at parties to make everyone around aware of your situation.

Any time the CPGAAB turns down an offering of the sort, his title should be stripped, his cards burned, and public shame brought upon him.

  2. Sexy Sailor

    I can confirm this kid goes to UAB, & yes FTheTaliban they are not Certified Party Gods. They are weird as FUCK!!

    11 years ago at 5:48 pm
  5. ThetaChive

    He should call himself lucky–I don’t give out my business cards to just anyone.

    11 years ago at 9:12 pm
  8. pskallday290

    Roger, Please take a minute and waste some more of our dearly precious time with these last resort articles.

    Sincerely,
    Unsatisfied Reader

    P.S.Your Mother gives great head, even if it’s a Gum Job.

    11 years ago at 3:56 am