This Autumn In Party Themes

Buzzy Robinson6 years ago

Back in April, I posted a column entitled “Party Themes Matter.” The piece was written on the heels of what had to have been the single weirdest party that I had ever attended as a college student. It was a prostitution-themed mixer at my fraternity house with our favorite sorority, and suffice it to say that things got… adult. And not in a good way.

I witnessed young women at that party behaving in ways that made me question their upbringings. I saw my own brothers doing shit that made me want to stop sharing beverages with them forever.

I have no doubt that new families were unintentionally started that evening. Existing families had great shame brought upon them as a result of the lewd behavior exhibited in our basement that night. At the end of that party, people left our house physically lighter due to a loss of both dignity and bodily fluids.

I’m not against my social events getting weird. However, that prostitution-themed mixer was just not my cup of tea. Mostly because I don’t like VD and semen in my tea. I’m an Earl Grey guy.

Personal preferences aside, a very valuable lesson about the power of party themes was learned that evening. The influence that a theme wields over the vibe and quality of a given social event cannot be understated.

So, as we wrap up the first month of the 2018-19 school year, I would like to offer you all a few ideas for party themes to implement this fall that don’t suck.

1. Baywatch

Beach vibes, ’90s music, bright red bathing suits, liquor, hard bodies, and enough summertime nostalgia to make you forget that it’s September and you have two exams next week: Baywatch. ‘nuff said.

2. Fourth Of Juluau

This is a mashup tropical/patriotic-themed party and yes, it is an Archer reference. Good eye. The theme makes absolutely no sense from a chronological/logistical standpoint, and that is precisely what makes it so much fun. Just imagine a fourth of July party on the beach in Hawaii. Throw on something star-spangled, grab yourself a lei, and break out the spiced rum — your night’s about to get tropical.

3. Winterfest 1986 Ski Lodge Party

Welcome to Kodiak Valley! President Reagan’s still in office, Michael Jackson is his original skin tone, and you and your boys are up at your favorite ski resort for a weekend of freshly-groomed powder and piping-hot babes. This theme is like O-negative blood: it’s universally loved. I don’t think it’s physically possible to not have fun whilst getting hammered dressed in retro ski clothes.

4. Sons (And Daughters) Of Anarchy

This is a biker bar-themed mixer; interpret that how you may. To me, this mixer theme means that everybody’s wearing at least one piece of leather clothing while rocking a colorful bandana, cut-off denim, and fake sleeve tattoos. There should be plenty of ’70s and ’80s classic rock music blaring though the speakers, beer or whiskey in your cups, and — most importantly — a whole bunch of cigs being smoked inside. Bonus points for anybody who actually drives a motorcycle inside the house like D-Day in Animal House.

5. Jerseys!!!