This Guy Live Tweeted His Friend’s Marriage Ending Over Gambling And Getting Drunk At Applebee’s, It’s A Must Read

Rob Fox8 years ago

My buddy left his laptop open and his wife saw his bovada screen. He's currently drinking at Applebee's and she's on the phone with daddy.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

She's southern baptist and her dad is a literal minister. He told her he doesn't drink or gamble. This is not good for him.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

He has reestablished contact. His contention is that he did nothing wrong because he pays all the bills and his account is up. Yikes.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Update: he has doubled (tripled?) down and is asserting that he "only said he HAD stopped gambling, not that he WOULD stop." Holy. Shit.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

While at the bar, he locked in some second half NBA picks. Still waiting for tangible updates but apparently Applebees has 2-1 drinks

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Her father is currently headed to HIS house (he owned it pre-marriage.) His catholic dad is advising him not to go home. This got real.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

The fact that I'm the voice of reason on this is somewhat concerning since, you know, he's the married one who's allegedly mature. pic.twitter.com/ridSImCehM

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I think we've hit a breakthrough people. Clearly he wasn't in the mood for situational humor. pic.twitter.com/wJCXtUA9ys

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This just went sideways. I'm literally live tweeting a divorce now. This is going downhill at an incredible rate. pic.twitter.com/w06zNHqQRp

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Rich is the father in law. I was unaware of this story. This is not good. pic.twitter.com/CPdIWwUiIG

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

(So you guys don't think I'm a bad person there are two people currently racing to the Applebee's to grab him because obviously) pic.twitter.com/RdiD1B4bES

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This is one of those times you consider giving up drinking so as to ever be THIS guy. pic.twitter.com/sepxAIKLlk

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Rerouted the boys. This fucker decides all of a sudden he wants to listen to now expires advice. pic.twitter.com/v8GZ3rXk8E

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

My crisis management skills are on point today. pic.twitter.com/afcFXbvrqz

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This is a good development. Estimates put the sane smart ones getting to his house before him. pic.twitter.com/KKTksSL2BW

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Your groomsmen are your fucking groomsmen for life, regardless of how inconvenient or "this is a god damn felony" it may be. pic.twitter.com/xnfPqW5xpB

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I don't know if any of you are still even up or following this but I just got off the phone with one of the boys and there's an update…

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Apparently so. So they got our good friend back to a safe place and of course he got violently ill cc: @Applebees 2-1 drinks

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This was then followed by a violent outburst. Apparently, not the "cute drunk guy" violent outburst resolved with a bear hug…

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Rather, the type of drunken outburst that pits the drunk guy against his 270+ lb D3 football linebacker rescuer

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Both of the rescuers utilized every available method (calm persuasion, restraint, bargaining) to calm him down, but to no avail

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

As it was related to me, regrettably, our hero (anti-hero?) screamed, spittle and bulging neck/head veins included, that one or both

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Of our fair rescuers, the real heros of this story ( besides me, QBs earn rings) were, I kid you not, because drunk people are stupid

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Trying to "fuck his angelic baptist wife, even though her dad is a raging cunt nugget"

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Fast forward through the denials and awkward bargaining and Husband decides to throw the only punch I've ever heard of him throwing

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Directly into the face of enormous former D3 LB. Inexplicably, not 180lb not D3 LB guy, which would have seemed like way smarter

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

(Editorial note that this is over the phone so I'm trying to relay it honestly)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Apparently good old Mike let him get several shots into his face before deciding he was done with that nonsense and picked him up

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

And "tossed" (distance unverified) him across the room. Hubby hit the floor, sprung up, stumbled forward, and swung, apparently convincingly

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Apparently, this was ill received, and resulted in our protagonist getting absolutely demolished, via a BRUTAL right hook to his face

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Commercial break. Need to make a call to flesh out story on what's going on with the Wife/Father in law angle. (Can someone get me beer?)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Wife's best friend married into our friend group. I was a groomsman at the wedding. On phone with her husband. Stand by.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Oh man this is good (bad, but like entertaining.) Update incoming.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

And we're back. (Oh fuck this is tough to condense, please cut me some slack)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Father in law was so offended Husband didn't come home he WOKE UP HIS PREVIOUS DIVORCE ATTORNEY for a consult

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

FIL was not a southern baptist until he met brides mom. Then he went "balls deep", saw the light, etc, and became a man of god

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Allegedly there's something funky with his family and monetizing religion but no real details. He's got family money in stacks apparently

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

So, wife prepping for divorce with no income and hospitality management bachelors degree. Wife has apparently started drinking per friend

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Now give me a little wiggle room here because I'm not Buzzfeed and I like to get facts close to accurate

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Husbands phone has been blowing up since he was "put to bed" (he's breathing and responsive so calm down.) He also hasn't changed

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

His password since senior year of college, because it's still his birth year. Rescue team scrolled through his text and call log

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Several texts and voicemails, all from wife's number, but all the dad. Starting innocuous and escalation to "Hannibal on a fucking warpath"

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Texts and voicemails reinforce the intel that wife is pursuing a financially detrimental divorce. But wait. Because this part gets weird

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Do we all remember 180lb non linebacker guy? (He sent the update texts and didn't punch hubby in the face?)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

He now becomes important. Very much so. Let me try and explain why.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Our friend group has used the same lawyer several times, (referral bonus?) This gentleman did their prenup as well

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

From my understanding, it was a VERY specific prenup designed to protect both their family money (must be nice, ammirite?)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

So, 180lb guy (he's Chris, that's his name) did the smart thing. He didn't wake hubby or respond to the texts/calls. He called the lawyer

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This is debatably smart, because it's definitely an escalation. But hey, ride or die, right? pic.twitter.com/HN8q7pLOKY

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Chris, in protective ride or die mode, wakes up the consigliere (that's what we called him.) he gave him the rundown, the threats from the

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Voicemail that her dad left. Item by item, including the attorneys name that her dad was stupid enough to leave on the voicemail

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

At this point, we probably could have cooled down until morning. Let the adults sort it out with cooler heads and sober minds. But…

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

HOWEVER, husbands father was concerned he hadn't heard from his son since he was at the @Applebees (real talk this is all your fault)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

He went though the list and finally got to Chris, and Chris broke down the whole night from Applebee's to now (45 mins ago)

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Inexplicably, he included Mike knocking his son unconscious twice, but hey, tell your own story I guess

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Once Hubs Dad was briefed on the situation, he apparently went off the god damn deep end, like, DEFCON 1, spouting about the family etc

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Papasan, enraged that the "baptist fuckstrumpet" (he said it 4 years ago, it's still funny) was trying to gut his family, called consigliere

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This poor dickhead now has gotten called twice in hour from panicked parties, not related to the issue directly, demanding he mobilize

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

From here, I lose the ability to offer detail. I know consigliere and Daddy's attorney have made contact, and I know it can't be pretty

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I guess you animals got lucky. Fresh text update from Chris. pic.twitter.com/YOgH6gh95b

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Chris appears to have had it with babysitting duty pic.twitter.com/sSoClCt4oU

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Guys, he's PISSED. I can't stop laughing because I'm a bad person. D might catch a beating in the morning. pic.twitter.com/MFVIKZhI4C

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I can't condone the language but guys, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. pic.twitter.com/zPcgndYHJS

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

We have officially reached the end of the narration as far as I know for tonight. Unfortunately, I think we're done. I do have bonus details

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Do you monsters want the bonus details?

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Well fine. Bonus detail time.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

The "anti gambling southern baptist" had her $13k engagement ring paid for by a gambling trip went on in AC

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I know this because I was on the trip, at the table with him, counting cards with him

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

She was in the room, pretending like we were outlet shopping or saving endangered shore birds from Chris Christies Appetite

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

We didn't even get caught that day. We got caught 2 days later, drunk as shit, down like 2400 between us, "counting cards"

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

At the rehearsal dinner, D and her dad had to be pulled apart. By SIX FUCKING GROOMSMEN. It's not that we had 6, it's that we NEEDED 6

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Her parents invited her HS bf to the endgame to dinner and sat him at the head table. Next to the best man. Any guess who that was?

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Her HS BF, to his credit, the captain of the HS wrestling team, got tanked on tequila at the rehearsal dinner. Like, Hasselhoff drunk

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

This is the reason I get to put a finger down for "never have I ever tossed a wedding guest over a table at a rehearsal dinner"

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

The fact that I got to live tweet the end of this relationship is appropriate. However, tomorrow will be entertaining to be sure

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Hahaha. Brutal. pic.twitter.com/4pCVhrHZNm

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Guys, D is a bad unwilling houseguest.. pic.twitter.com/ZQk9IhF0YE

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I should probably be asleep but Chris' character development is just too great at this point pic.twitter.com/gZ5DZmBdDn

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Our hero is awake ( as am I) and he is having a moment of reflection this morning. pic.twitter.com/0iZ0cRTUoh

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Unsurprisingly, our protagonist's father is not pleased with his son's life choices pic.twitter.com/nww3dfv0JD

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Your wife blocking you on Facebook probabaly isn't that bad right? pic.twitter.com/RpARpUs9f5

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I had to do it guys, I just couldn't help myself. pic.twitter.com/VRHdBLS9I0

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Free money pick from our favorite hero. Still no contact with his wife. pic.twitter.com/BpoR6gdyFq

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

We're in a slow patch. Chris is forcing our favorite degenerate to clean his rug and couch from last night.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

I've seen this asked a few times, they are both 27 and have no children.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Apparently our favorite degenerate has recovered and is feeling emboldened. I foresee this plan going poorly. Like, bay of pigs poorly. pic.twitter.com/YhMHLRvpkc

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Oh boy. Also, let's take a second to notice which one he seems more upset about.. pic.twitter.com/WFVulBIh7U

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Just got off the phone. My buddy went home and Winston was curled up in the living room asleep. His wife and her stuff, however, are gone.

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 11, 2016

Update: Neither of them have spoken directly since the incident. They are communicating through lawyers, however they sitting down this week

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 12, 2016

Update: Neither of them have spoken directly since the incident. They are communicating through lawyers, however they sitting down this week

— Single Malt Fiend (@Singlemaltfiend) December 12, 2016