This Real, Declassified Al Qaeda Job Application Is The Best Thing Ever
Hey seniors, is the overbearing stress of finding a job really bumming you out? Are you submitting a lot of job applications to websites with automated responses like, “If we like what we see, we’ll get back to you”?
One quirky little start-up in the mountains of Afghanistan is looking for talented, hard-working employees to help continue the growth and maturation of its organization. It’s called Al Qaeda, and recently declassified documents collected during SEAL Team Six’s raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound in Pakistan have provided us with the greatest job application questionnaire ever, created by the HR Department at Al Qaeda HQ:
Take a few moments out of today and fill out the application. Here it is in full, courtesy of Gawker:
Click images to enlarge.
This. Is. Gold. Some personal favorites:
I’ll be honest. ISIS would probably be a more fun place to work. Kabul’s bar scene is weak at best, and it’s standard of living ranking for yuppies is hardly desirable.
Here is your obligatory video reminder of what the job description entails:
If interested, contact Mohammad via email at jobopportunities@alqaeda.com .
[via Gawker]
Image via YouTube
This isn’t really funny, Jack…
10 years ago at 12:26 pmFuck you Steve holt nothing to do with Al Qaeda is the best thing ever and if you think ISIS would be a fun place to work I’m sure the gentlemen from the air force would love to help you exercise your martyrdom option #FireHelmetStickers
10 years ago at 12:28 pmYou need to relax.
10 years ago at 12:34 pmAnd you have to stay 500 feet away from a playground we all have our little problems
10 years ago at 2:09 pmhardo
10 years ago at 12:47 pmYeah, an application to kill people is real funny. Maybe if the questions themselves were somewhat comical and stupid, but each one has to do with how adept the Jihadi can be at killing or supporting their war effort. Real hilarious….
10 years ago at 12:36 pmLover of magic, why don’t you make yourself disappear.
10 years ago at 12:37 pmYeah please consider applying, Steve
10 years ago at 12:38 pmPreying on weak minded people to get them to assassinate innocent people. Still not sure how this is good, let alone the best thing ever.
10 years ago at 12:39 pmSee, to the application for Christianity is so much easier. Just say “I accept Jesus” and boom you’re done. Depending on what branch of course, but that’s the basic gist.
10 years ago at 12:39 pmCan you come back and smite them? And maybe the Jews, but we can discuss that later.
10 years ago at 1:26 pmYou’re going to hell.
10 years ago at 3:31 pmYou’re stating well known facts
10 years ago at 5:27 pmI doubt that will be in the conversation.
10 years ago at 4:28 pmThat’s a terrible joke.
10 years ago at 4:51 pmWasn’t joking
10 years ago at 5:28 pm“Boom you’re done” sounds a lot more like the other guys, to be honest.
10 years ago at 5:56 pmI like what was done here.
10 years ago at 6:37 pmCool! What else do you like??
10 years ago at 7:20 pmYou mother naked on my bed. Incidentally, that’s an interesting birthmark she has.
10 years ago at 8:12 pmThe Al Qaeda rules, imo
10 years ago at 12:39 pmWhat the hell is wrong with you
10 years ago at 2:27 pmWrong, O’Doyle rules
10 years ago at 8:55 pm“Do you wish to execute a suicide operation” should be the first question. If the answer is “yes” you can skip the rest of the form.
10 years ago at 12:39 pmAmerica, Shark Week, Alcohol and Women: any of these would bump this off from the place of “best thing ever.
10 years ago at 1:00 pm