This UConn RA Won’t Let People Cheer Too Loudly For The Basketball Game Tonight, Is The Worst
The University of Connecticut is playing a basketball game tonight. Against Kentucky. For the championship. Even to the casual sports fan, it’s pretty important.
Meet Derek. Derek is an RA at UConn. He is not a casual sports fan. Far from it, actually. Derek is a douche. He is the douche who asks the cashier at the late-night food spot if the restaurant has a gluten-free menu, and he scoffs when they say no. He is the douche who sits at a coffee shop and talks about global economic problems as if he has all the answers. He is the douche who is a resident assistant at a school that is lucky enough to play basketball this late in the season. He is the douche who describes cheering for his school’s basketball team as “cheering for laundry.”
Here is the email Derek sent out to his floor tonight, warning everyone that he will not treat this special night different from any other.
Derek is a terrible human being. Terrible human beings should be shamed for being themselves. If you are a student at UConn–or even at a neighboring school–I implore you to watch this game on Derek’s floor tonight, and to cheer your hearts out. Turn Derek into a fan. He needs it more than he knows.
[via Twitter]
Quiet: Derek is busy masturbating.
11 years ago at 4:37 pm“Go away…batin’ ” – Derek
11 years ago at 5:01 pmI hear tears of loneliness make pretty good lube.
11 years ago at 7:08 pmHoly fuck what a douche
11 years ago at 4:38 pmFuck this kid
11 years ago at 4:38 pmDerek is an active member of PIKE
11 years ago at 4:42 pmDerek is the douche who, five minutes before class is over and the teacher forgot to collect the homework, yells out, “HEY ARE YOU COLLECTING OUR HOMEWORK TODAY!?”
11 years ago at 4:43 pmYou’re in highschool
11 years ago at 5:02 pmCalm down champ, nothing wrong with making a reference that everyone can relate to.
11 years ago at 7:40 pmThose second/third paragraphs… Any way non-Kentucky kids can still make this kid’s life a living hell tonight? Let’s brainstorm.
11 years ago at 4:43 pmRA’s are the worst kind of GDI’s.
11 years ago at 4:43 pmIf anyone on here goes to UConn, make sure you fuck this kid’s floor up. It’s for his own good
11 years ago at 4:46 pmHe basically said, “You’re only rooting for Uconn because you go to school here.” -Fucking Derek logic.
11 years ago at 4:47 pmOf course, fucking Derek, well said. That’s exactly why they’re rooting for Uconn.
fuck this douche face. Cheer despite him and fight the charges later.
11 years ago at 4:47 pm