This UConn RA Won’t Let People Cheer Too Loudly For The Basketball Game Tonight, Is The Worst
The University of Connecticut is playing a basketball game tonight. Against Kentucky. For the championship. Even to the casual sports fan, it’s pretty important.
Meet Derek. Derek is an RA at UConn. He is not a casual sports fan. Far from it, actually. Derek is a douche. He is the douche who asks the cashier at the late-night food spot if the restaurant has a gluten-free menu, and he scoffs when they say no. He is the douche who sits at a coffee shop and talks about global economic problems as if he has all the answers. He is the douche who is a resident assistant at a school that is lucky enough to play basketball this late in the season. He is the douche who describes cheering for his school’s basketball team as “cheering for laundry.”
Here is the email Derek sent out to his floor tonight, warning everyone that he will not treat this special night different from any other.
Derek is a terrible human being. Terrible human beings should be shamed for being themselves. If you are a student at UConn–or even at a neighboring school–I implore you to watch this game on Derek’s floor tonight, and to cheer your hearts out. Turn Derek into a fan. He needs it more than he knows.
[via Twitter]
Fuck Derek
11 years ago at 4:51 pmwhat a chode boner.
11 years ago at 4:53 pm“So have fun, but not too much fun”. TDerekM
11 years ago at 4:54 pmThe Diary of Derek Storm: Overzealous Dorm Resident Assistant
11 years ago at 4:55 pmI’m assuming that the fucking loser with the faux hawk and popped collar is Derek.
11 years ago at 4:57 pmWearing pooka shells beyond middle school. -TotalDerekMove
11 years ago at 5:00 pmDerek the type of RA that searches for “personality” on PornHub.
11 years ago at 5:04 pmSo your name is Derek?
11 years ago at 5:39 pmI heard he has an entire list of potential PornHub searches.
11 years ago at 7:05 pmYes it seems SFPL has started to steal twitter jokes from parody accounts. Just when you think he couldn’t get any gayer.
11 years ago at 8:06 pm“Please remember that the night will eventually end.”
11 years ago at 5:14 pmAlso what I’ll be telling Derek’s sister at midnight.
Got Heem
11 years ago at 10:06 pmDerek the type of RA to read the terms and conditions.
11 years ago at 5:24 pmI think UK is the sure favorite, but still rooting for UConn….even though fuck that guy.
11 years ago at 5:38 pm