THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2013 Wife Mock Draft
In honor of tonight’s NFL Draft, this week’s Throwback Thursday column is the 2013 Wife Mock Draft…
Hannah Weinberg
School: University of Maryland
House: Top-tier smart house
Major: Business Administration
GPA: 3.8
Hair color: Brunette
Height: 5-6
Weight: 119 lbs.
Pros:
-Highly regarded in Panhellic community, held exec positions for two years.
-Been called a “tomcat” by several ex-boyfriends.
-Runway model legs.
-Comes from money. Father owns houses in Breckenridge, Captiva Island and Scottsdale.
-Strong character, high integrity. Has never cheated on a boyfriend, even in high school.
Cons:
-Career-first woman. May not be a “team player” when it comes to child-bearing.
-Her father demands her spouse also be Jewish. Conversion may be in the cards.
-Considering business school in London.
Projected: Late 1st/Early 2nd
Outlook: Could prove to be good value, considering. Potential cornerstone piece for any partner. Medium bust potential, divorce could be a factor. Possible fall-back option in free agency once first round of divorcees hit the open market next decade.
Again with this shit.
12 years ago at 3:49 pmThis is the original. Take a lap and when you’re done with that, go to Chipotle and get me a chicken burrito. No fucking beans.
12 years ago at 3:52 pm^Fucking this
12 years ago at 4:00 pmFuck it im drunk
12 years ago at 4:11 pm^ excuses. NF
12 years ago at 6:03 pmI liked this?
12 years ago at 3:53 pmSince when is “daddy issues” a con?
12 years ago at 3:54 pmThis is the wife mock draft, not slampiece mock draft.
12 years ago at 4:02 pm^
12 years ago at 4:12 pmI agree, I don’t know about some of these cons. #9 is just too good to pass up
12 years ago at 9:47 pmCunt Punter would win hands down.
12 years ago at 3:58 pmThree fishy smelling things in the 10th picture.
12 years ago at 4:01 pmWhere is Rebecca Martinson?
12 years ago at 4:17 pmFirst. Fucking. Pick.
12 years ago at 12:26 pmThis^^
12 years ago at 2:12 pmI’d like to trade up for Weinberg
12 years ago at 4:31 pmI’ll take Hannah Weinberg.
12 years ago at 4:41 pmImmediately looked for cunt punt girl. Came back disappointed.
12 years ago at 6:02 pmIt’s a THROWBACK THURSDAY column. Clearly was not written after Cunt Punt went viral.
12 years ago at 7:12 pmThere is no such thing as a “cocaine problem”
12 years ago at 9:37 pmThere is if your Whitney Houston
12 years ago at 12:00 pm^Let’s just say her “genetics” didn’t favor her
12 years ago at 3:10 pm^
12 years ago at 9:35 am