THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2013 Wife Mock Draft

Jenny Watson

draft

School: University of Kansas
House: Top-tier hotties
Major: General Studies
GPA: 3.0
Hair color: Brunette
Height: 5-6
Weight: 140 lbs.

Pros:

-Comes from one of the richest families in the Midwest.
-No brothers.
-Family well connected in the Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City business communities.
-Huge boobs.

Cons:

-Gained about 20 pounds since she was a freshman.
-Verified psycho and mother hen.
-Gets attached very early.
-Spent a total of three separate semesters on social probation.
-Difficult to control. Sloppy drunk, causes scenes regularly. Doesn’t understand the concept of space early on in a relationship.
-Will pretty much have sex with anyone who has a bottle of vodka in their freezer and condoms.

Projected: Late 7th round/Undrafted free agent

Outlook: Once regarded as “can’t miss”, she’s really let herself go since being one of the most highly sought-after freshman five years ago. High-risk, low-reward kind of girl. Would be a nice tryout candidate during the summer, but don’t expect much. Can see someone desperate enough taking a chance on her, though. Jamarcus Russell-type risk here.

    1. TheChampionsTour

      This is the original. Take a lap and when you’re done with that, go to Chipotle and get me a chicken burrito. No fucking beans.

      12 years ago at 3:52 pm
    1. fratteo

      It’s a THROWBACK THURSDAY column. Clearly was not written after Cunt Punt went viral.

      12 years ago at 7:12 pm