THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2013 Wife Mock Draft

Eileen Benedict

draft

School: University of Arizona
House: Bottom-tier
Major: Advertising
GPA: 3.3
Hair color: Brunette
Height: 5-7
Weight: 125 lbs.

Pros:

-Somehow slipped through the cracks during recruitment as a sophomore transfer from community college. Diamond in the rough.
-Not exactly smart, but a dedicated student.
-Ugly duckling syndrome. Not exactly aware of how good she really is.
-Talent really came out of nowhere. Started taking care of herself two years ago and the results are evident.
-Everyone has seemingly written her off. Demand is low.

Cons:

-Boyfriend of six months recently broke up with her for what he called “stink puss”. Awaiting confirmation.
-Mom is pushing 200 lbs.
-Heavily involved with PETA.
-Does not own a car.
-Massive credit card debt.

Projection: Early 4th round

Outlook: All the tools are there. Can really only go up from where she’s been, but career longevity is an issue with her, as there are some genetic issues to worry about. Worth a long look, though.

    1. TheChampionsTour

      This is the original. Take a lap and when you’re done with that, go to Chipotle and get me a chicken burrito. No fucking beans.

      12 years ago at 3:52 pm
    1. fratteo

      It’s a THROWBACK THURSDAY column. Clearly was not written after Cunt Punt went viral.

      12 years ago at 7:12 pm