THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2013 Wife Mock Draft

Shannon Biggs

draft

School: University of Texas
House: Middle-tier
Major: Nursing
GPA: 3.1
Hair color: Dark brown
Height: 5-4
Weight: 125 lbs

Pros:

-She’s the most popular girl on campus. Everyone really likes her.
-Solid leadership skills.
-Comes from new money. Father owns successful IT recruiting agency.
-Once drank three fraternity men under the table on successive nights.
-Holds herself to a higher standard than most. Any week in which she doesn’t drink at least four nights is considered a failure. Refuses to lose.
-Above average face, outstanding caboose. Is a quarter Brazilian, as her grandfather married a Brazilian woman after Korea.

Cons:

-Not sure if she’s ready for a commitment.
-Never had a relationship last longer than three months. Serial dater.
-Considering moving to Canada. Has not disclosed reason.
-Could be “buying high”, as bust potential is prevalent with her heavy drinking habits and flaky tendencies.

Projection: Top 10

Outlook: Is probably being overvalued by most this year. She’s a star now, but down the road could really turn into a problem for those willing to take the risk. Attention issues are prevalent, she may become very needy. Still, the potential is there and she will likely be a nice fit somewhere, but the price is too high at this point.

    1. TheChampionsTour

      This is the original. Take a lap and when you’re done with that, go to Chipotle and get me a chicken burrito. No fucking beans.

      12 years ago at 3:52 pm
    1. fratteo

      It’s a THROWBACK THURSDAY column. Clearly was not written after Cunt Punt went viral.

      12 years ago at 7:12 pm