THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2013 Wife Mock Draft
Shannon Biggs
School: University of Texas
House: Middle-tier
Major: Nursing
GPA: 3.1
Hair color: Dark brown
Height: 5-4
Weight: 125 lbs
Pros:
-She’s the most popular girl on campus. Everyone really likes her.
-Solid leadership skills.
-Comes from new money. Father owns successful IT recruiting agency.
-Once drank three fraternity men under the table on successive nights.
-Holds herself to a higher standard than most. Any week in which she doesn’t drink at least four nights is considered a failure. Refuses to lose.
-Above average face, outstanding caboose. Is a quarter Brazilian, as her grandfather married a Brazilian woman after Korea.
Cons:
-Not sure if she’s ready for a commitment.
-Never had a relationship last longer than three months. Serial dater.
-Considering moving to Canada. Has not disclosed reason.
-Could be “buying high”, as bust potential is prevalent with her heavy drinking habits and flaky tendencies.
Projection: Top 10
Outlook: Is probably being overvalued by most this year. She’s a star now, but down the road could really turn into a problem for those willing to take the risk. Attention issues are prevalent, she may become very needy. Still, the potential is there and she will likely be a nice fit somewhere, but the price is too high at this point.
Again with this shit.
12 years ago at 3:49 pmThis is the original. Take a lap and when you’re done with that, go to Chipotle and get me a chicken burrito. No fucking beans.
12 years ago at 3:52 pm^Fucking this
12 years ago at 4:00 pmFuck it im drunk
12 years ago at 4:11 pm^ excuses. NF
12 years ago at 6:03 pmI liked this?
12 years ago at 3:53 pmSince when is “daddy issues” a con?
12 years ago at 3:54 pmThis is the wife mock draft, not slampiece mock draft.
12 years ago at 4:02 pm^
12 years ago at 4:12 pmI agree, I don’t know about some of these cons. #9 is just too good to pass up
12 years ago at 9:47 pmCunt Punter would win hands down.
12 years ago at 3:58 pmThree fishy smelling things in the 10th picture.
12 years ago at 4:01 pmWhere is Rebecca Martinson?
12 years ago at 4:17 pmFirst. Fucking. Pick.
12 years ago at 12:26 pmThis^^
12 years ago at 2:12 pmI’d like to trade up for Weinberg
12 years ago at 4:31 pmI’ll take Hannah Weinberg.
12 years ago at 4:41 pmImmediately looked for cunt punt girl. Came back disappointed.
12 years ago at 6:02 pmIt’s a THROWBACK THURSDAY column. Clearly was not written after Cunt Punt went viral.
12 years ago at 7:12 pmThere is no such thing as a “cocaine problem”
12 years ago at 9:37 pmThere is if your Whitney Houston
12 years ago at 12:00 pm^Let’s just say her “genetics” didn’t favor her
12 years ago at 3:10 pm^
12 years ago at 9:35 am