Try-Hard Of The Year Wants To Work For Us – Should We Hire Him?
Grandex recently announced the position opening for Office Manager. The full-time position requires the hired candidate to join our team at our Headquarters in Austin. Suffice it to say, we’ll be spending a lot of time with this person. Since the announcement, we’ve received plenty of résumés and cover letters from worthy and qualified candidates. None of the candidates, however, are as qualified as this guy.
He has skills. Lots of them. He has skills. “Out. The. Ass.” Below is the actual cover letter he sent us.
Frat star? ✓
FaF? ✓
Uses highly inappropriate language and sexual references? ✓
Frat swoop dating back to 1993? ✓
Insulting to current Grandex employees? ✓
Unprofessionalism? ✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓
A perfect cover letter.
The first thing that jumps out to me is his impressive grasp of the English language. Strong grammar is an under-appreciated rarity these days. He also sent us his résumé. Here’s the thing: the 2012 University of Southern Mississippi graduate actually has some decent credentials (Note: I’m not including his résumé because it could possibly give away his identity). Given his experience, skills, and unbridled audacity, he could dominate this pozish.
Imagine the joy of walking into our office and being greeted at the front desk by a try-hard in a bow tie and inseam-less nuthuggers. Talk about a tone setter. He’d be so excited to be here every day that he’d accomplish every task with unprecedented efficiency and intensity. Kid’s got the heart of a lion, and simply put, we need that around here.
In case you were wondering if he was in a fraternity, here’s the actual four-page portfolio he attached to his email:
We have to get this kid on board. Have to. He has potential coming out of his Chubbies.
[poll id=20]
Well the overwhelming opinion of the tfm community is that you should hire that dude asap.
10 years ago at 1:19 pmLooks like Dorn found a new boyfriend
10 years ago at 1:35 pmThat doesn’t even fit with the “dorn’s a pedophile joke.” You can’t hire minors.
10 years ago at 2:04 pmI’d hire him, but for a probationary (see: pledgeship) time make him live on the East side of I-35, and has to take public transportation everyday to work. If he survives a year, he’ll be aight.
10 years ago at 1:38 pmI think the real question here is when can he start?
10 years ago at 1:41 pmIf he lets you smash his girl than sure
10 years ago at 1:41 pmNeed to save that spot for DeVry. You’re his only hope.
10 years ago at 2:05 pmWhen did Southern Mississippi suddenly become a decent credential? That’s the 3rd best school in a state with mediocre academics at best
10 years ago at 2:06 pmBrett Favre went there and he’s FAF.
10 years ago at 4:03 pm“i can blast through Microsoft office faster than Dorn blows his load the two times a year he manages to penetrate” automatic hire
10 years ago at 2:38 pmShould be a definite hire. On second thought, fire a writer and hire him in that capacity. Hell, hiring him as an office manager and making him do both jobs would be the frat thing to do.
10 years ago at 2:49 pmThe guy could take two hours, once a week to write a column and would contribute more than 90% of the writers on here anyway, it wouldnt even take away from his office manager duties
10 years ago at 4:15 pm