U.S. Navy Has Trained Combat Dolphins To Fight Enemies Because America

Harrison Lee11 years ago

America’s military has put its dick on the table again. It’s not that we have to do it, but we want to do it. It’s just a friendly reminder that we are your superior, and there’s nothing you can do about it. We are now training dolphins to be combat ready. The things these dolphins will be able to do is quite amazing. This includes locating underwater mines and locating other enemies in the water.

The most important part of the story, however, is the fact that we are training them to be killing machines. The dolphins will have a device strapped to their noggin that has a needle injection of gas. Former NAVY Seal, Brandon Webb, wrote about some of the training in his life memoir.

From Business Insider:

Trainers used the mammals “to track down enemy divers, outfitting them with a device strapped onto the head that contains a [simulated] compressed gas needle,” Webb writes. “Once the dolphin has tracked you down, it butts you; the needle shoots out and pokes you, creating an embolism.”

An air or gas bubble injected into a vein or artery can quickly travel into the organs, something that’s potentially lethal. Webb sums it up: “Within moments, you’re dead.”

If you thought sharks were some scary shit, imagine being chased down by a dolphin with an intent to kill. There’s no saving you. Sea World dolphins aren’t safe as it is; now we’ve got dolphins that we are literally training to send you to your painful death. Some poor, poor soul is going to be swimming in the water planting some mines when they see a dolphin floating their way. They’ll think, “Damn look at Flipper, what a loving creature, maybe I should pet it.” Needle eject, death. Throw another tally on the scoreboard for us.

Just when you think that America has done it all, we go and up the ante one more time. We can hit you from every angle with any resource. Goddamnit I love this country..

[via Business Insider]

Image via Shutterstock