UCF Plans $25M Upgrade To Their Already Ridiculous Athletic Facilities, Includes A Lazy River
About a month back, when UCF announced that it would have VIP end zone cabanas, I said in a very tongue-in-cheek manner that my alma mater should just go all-in on becoming the best water park in the NCAA. I suggested that we finish the job we already started with our in-stadium beach club, and add the missing water slides, lazy river, and lifeguards needed to get funding from “The Mouse” and double as a second Disney’s Blizzard Beach location.
Apparently people listened.
We’re actually doing this, huh? Okay then.
At this point I feel like I’m either being trolled by our athletic director, Danny White, or he genuinely values my opinion. Either way, I need to recognize that with this great power comes great responsibility. What can I get Danny to do next? Do I remodel the Student Union into a medieval castle with a moat and drawbridge? Should I have the Math and Physics building turned into a house of mirrors or put a Dave and Busters on the 3rd floor of the Library? How about stripper poles and full time exotic dancers at the reflection pond? The possibilities are endless.
Danny, I’m not exactly sure what you see in my vision for UCF, but keep putting your trust in me and we’ll turn this school into a top 25 program in no time. Or die as an institution trying..
Here come all the 5 star recruits!
8 years ago at 5:50 pmNot a bad post, but lapped out of respect.
8 years ago at 7:25 pmif there isn’t a swim up bar, recovery cove is a half assessed tropical resort
8 years ago at 6:05 pmLazy river + inner tubes + Edward 40 hands = awesome afternoons. Added bonus no struggle to pee
8 years ago at 6:22 pmDon’t be that guy.
8 years ago at 7:42 pmThen do your Edward 40 hands where ever you want peasant
8 years ago at 12:17 amUCF has a lot of free capital considering the size of their student population and lack of quality education. Gotta go somewhere..
8 years ago at 6:39 pmI wrote my name in crayon on an old newspaper and mailed it into UCF admissions. They offered me a full-ride.
8 years ago at 9:10 pmThat is why I am a Michigan Man, sir.
8 years ago at 2:33 amStrip down the gym to just bicep and tricep machines. Who needs anything else, right Dan?
8 years ago at 6:43 pmDon’t forget chest based on Dans cup size
8 years ago at 8:14 pmAll that money won’t turn a shit football program to even a competent one
8 years ago at 7:16 pmNo doubt. When has money ever done that?
8 years ago at 9:06 pmOregon got pretty good once Knight started to overhaul the athletic department.
8 years ago at 11:05 amKen Dixon, owner of a diversified real estate company and donor to his alma mater in building an entire village geared towards creating hard bods for the babes. FAF
8 years ago at 7:59 pmNow if only they could make their stadium larger than your average Texas highschool stadium
8 years ago at 8:00 pmYou realize there are billionaires paying for Texas HS football stadiums right?
8 years ago at 9:26 pmI’d pee in it
8 years ago at 9:51 pmThey gave you a Lazy River Dan, but did UCF give their most accomplished alum a Nacho bar?
8 years ago at 10:03 pm