Mizzou Protestors Need More Attention, Have Updated Their Insane List Of Demands
10 years ago

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Aside from some political bickering at Missouri’s capital, the University of Missouri campus has been quiet lately. There have been no huge racial incidents, garbage human Melissa Click has kept a low profile, #ConcernedStudent1950 has…wait — crap.

On Wednesday, #ConcernedStudent1950, supposedly unhappy with how the campus is still being run, reissued demands it feels the university has not yet met. The demands are the same ones from when they were first issued back in October with more of an explanation for each one and an adorable Prezi presentation to go along with them.

I’d like to focus on the below:

View post on imgur.com

Lucky for ConcernedStudent1950, I can make lists too. Here are questions that I demand #ConcernedStudent1950 answer:

– I see we’re capitalizing “Blacks” now? Is that AP style? MLA? Chicago/Turabian?

– I’m a Mexican-American male, but my skin is white, but my spirit is that of a 62-year-old Asian woman. Do I qualify?

– Can you explain “justifiable circumstances?” Say I decided to go for the Guinness World Record for consecutive weeks drunk and naked and I don’t take any of my final exams. Can I get that semester dropped?

– As we showed last week, protesting is hard work. How do you focus on grades and studying and homework when you’ve gotta be at the quad protest at 3 p.m. sharp?

– Prezi? Seriously?

– Where’s the part about Tim Wolfe announcing his white privilege? Didn’t think that’d be a good idea to bring up again?

– An increase of black faculty and staff campuswide to 10 percent by August 2016 sounds great! Should we look at their applications/resumes to see if they’re qualified or nah?

– 71 percent of the world is covered in water, yet roughly only 6 percent of the Mizzou campus is covered in water. Can I demand it be covered in at least 60 percent of water by 5:13 p.m. tomorrow?

They even want a damn statue put in place where the original protests happened.

The kids are getting out of control with these demands. What’s next?

Yes, Mizzou’s festering wound continues to fester. Personally, I’m a bigger fan of The Antlers demands (except for no. 2.):

I’ll take Golden Girls over mid-Missouri strippers every single time, ya damn heathens.

Image via YouTube

  2. Henry_Eighth

    I self-identify as a black Muslim female, a former crack addict with three children from three different fathers. Now: where do I line up to get the benefits that society owes me?

    10 years ago at 5:04 pm
    1. Jingles

      You’re entitled to it man. Wall Street bankers basically injected the crack into your system.

      10 years ago at 5:11 pm
    2. ImHereForTheGangbang

      I “self-identify” as a guy who has $50 million in his Morgan Stanley brokerage account, a wife with 34DD tits and my own private island. When is the government going to give me these things? It’s oppression, I tell ya.

      10 years ago at 5:45 pm
  3. ImHereForTheGangbang

    I “demand” that you stupid hippies take a shower and shut the fuck up.

    10 years ago at 5:35 pm
  4. Yung frat lord

    The school doesn’t owe these kids shit they should just kick them out. Pretty bold to ask for all these insane demands…

    10 years ago at 5:43 pm
  5. Robbybil

    Their “targeted hiring” proposal has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. These people are the real racist

    10 years ago at 6:01 pm
  6. ijustcameheretofrat

    I like how there’s Demand V and Demand #8. Just flip flopping between Roman Numerals and regular numbers whatever fuck it though right?

    10 years ago at 6:02 pm
  7. skippedlegday

    So what happens if they don’t meet these ridiculous demands? because Missouri didn’t meet the first set and nothing happened.

    10 years ago at 6:04 pm
  10. Coolnamewastaken

    Based on the updated list, I’m guessing they don’t lose their funding if they’re granted academic bankruptcy.

    10 years ago at 9:52 pm