Here Are Some Velcro Wallets That I Can’t Promise Will Get You Laid But Let’s Be Honest They Probably Will
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you can still whip out your Velcro wallet and let everyone know that doesn’t mean you’re not a baaaaaad man.” – Mother Theresa
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I’m Twitter’s largest volume purveyor of pro-Velcro wallet propaganda.
And that’s just a small sampling of what I have to offer. For a larger sampling, check out my “Hot And Ready” Velcro wallet suggestions for those trying to “Live Más” and “Have It Their Way” (I’m still working on coming up with Velcro wallet taglines that aren’t already trademarked by Big Business; give me time).
LEGO Brick Wallet, Multi, One Size
People are freaking out about “blockchain currency” these days. Even if you don’t have any clue what that is or how to acquire some, all you need to do is stick a chain on this Lego block Velcro wallet and you’ll be the king of blockchain swag. Results guaranteed.
Dakine Men’s Vert Rail Wallet, Carbon, One Size
If you didn’t play Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 as a child, this Velcro wallet’s not for you (and neither is this website, for that matter). This Velcro wallet’s for those of you out there who spent hours gapseeking, winning S-K-A-T-E, and finding all those secret tapes. Side note: Tony Hawk’s Underground 1/2 are underrated as hell.
Columbia Men’s RFID Blocking Nylon Trifold Wallet
What Velcro wallet? It doesn’t look like anything to me.
Explorer Men’s Wallet, Black, 3.5 x 5-Inch
This Velcro wallet’s fucking loaded. It has more bells than a Kappa Alpha Order party guest list and more whistles than you’ll get when you’re seen walking around town with it. Truly the Rolls Royce of Velcro wallets, and at a price point that’s hard to beat.
Hempmania Hemp Eight Compartment Tri-fold Wallet – Black – One Size
I’ve been told you can fit upwards of $420 in this badboy, badboy.
Timberland Men’s Nylon Trifold Olive Wallet
Are Timbs still cool? They had a big moment back in ’07 (along with rapper Timbaland), but I haven’t seen much from ’em lately. Therein lies your opportunity: be the man to bring back Timberland like Timbaland brought SexyBack with J.T. It’s your destiny..
Image via Shutterstock
Dishrag of the day is the number seed for the East bracket. She is a walking bag of fuck
8 years ago at 10:17 amI wonder if the object of the day knows how great her tits are?
8 years ago at 10:17 amBOTD easily takes the hottest freshman HOF award. 12/10 body.
8 years ago at 10:17 amThanks for this “column” and it being a space to discuss BOTD.
I would agree with Anderson Cooper’s political views for a chance to marinate her in some Stubbs Classic BBQ Sauce and eat her ass like a moist brisket.
8 years ago at 10:18 amI have been carrying the same condom in my wallet since I was 16 years old. I hope to, someday, have the opportunity to use it. It has been in there for 9 years. Do you think it is still good?
8 years ago at 10:37 amBump
8 years ago at 12:03 pmI just got paid $6784 working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $9k her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less. This is what I do…
8 years ago at 5:20 pmGood Luck…………… http://www.fl-y.com/3pra
Fuck of these are gay
8 years ago at 10:37 amI love you, Hillary Clinton. I often masturbate to pictures of you that I find in magazines. I hope to someday find you on Pornhub.
8 years ago at 11:38 am1) You well never get laid with a velcro wallet
8 years ago at 10:38 am2) I’d like to shove an ounce of coke up BOTD’s ass and retrieve it as if were an anteater
How could someone have sex with a Velcro wallet? Do you put your dingus in the bills section, or the coin pocket? Please clarify.
8 years ago at 12:29 pmDingus. TFM
8 years ago at 1:33 pmI usually put it on the coin pocket to feel something but if i’m feeling risky on the bill section just to feel pain and to feel alive
8 years ago at 1:38 pmI want to eat the BOTD’s ass like cranberry sauce..
8 years ago at 10:55 amI don’t know what that means but I think I want to do it too.
8 years ago at 11:13 amKate is a smoke if I’ve ever seen one. Would love to hold her hand while walking the beach. 9/10
8 years ago at 11:45 amBoobs
8 years ago at 11:55 am