Very American Thing Happens To Canadian Baseball Player

Nothing says “red, white and blue, and better than you” than nine innings of pitchers, catchers, home runs, and performance-enhancing drug suspicions. Every time I stand for the God Bless America at Yankee Stadium during the 7th inning stretch, I tear up a little bit with patriotism as tears of BudLight roll down my face. “This,” I think to myself, “is what George Washington crossed the Delaware for.”

Even though baseball is America’s game, we’ve got players from all over the world in the MLB. We all have seen the players from Central and Latin America, but there are a few Canadians who ditched their hockey pucks and ice skates for cleats and a Louisville Slugger. One of those players is Seattle Mariners pitcher James Paxton.

Now I’m not surprised a Canadian is playing for the Mariners. After all, Seattle is more or less Canada anyway. But even though Paxton needed a little reminder he was on the right side of the border.

Bald eagles and baseball — my liberty boner is so hard right now. The Canadian equivalent of this would be if a moose stormed Patrick Kane while he was on the ice for a Chicago Blackhawks game.

Baseball season is back, and I want to see a million more moments like this through 162 games.

  1. thevaginator

    First! Fratty Couples Friday everyone! Let’s see how well his mom’s asshole holds up tonight!

    7 years ago at 12:59 pm
  2. Butanefratoil

    I’d wear cargo shorts just to rail some coke off Hannah’s ass. 9.3/10 would land a plane on it

    7 years ago at 2:25 pm