(VIDEO) Braves Catcher Evan Gattis Hits Kid Square In The Dick With Homer, Knocks Him Out Of His Shoes
At this point, I’m more or less convinced that Braves catcher Evan Gattis is actually Thor, Norse god of thunder and the lamest Avenger. Last night, in a 5-2 loss to the Marlins, Gattis drilled a home run off of Rookie of the Year candidate Jose Fernandez in the top of the 6th inning. Gattis, who just last weekend in Philadelphia absolutely bombed the longest home run in the 2013 season, drilled this long ball into the left field seats where a young Marlins fan happened to be standing. Unfortunately for that Marlins fan, Gattis’ home run ball absolutely wrecked his world, and by world I mean dick. That’s right, from 350+ feet away, Evan Gattis hit an opposing fan in the dick with a home run. Why? Because he can, dammit. He’s Evan motherfucking Gattis.
First, the video:
That ball was crushed, as were that kid’s balls. The impact of Gattis’ home run was SO powerful that it actually knocked the poor little bastard out of his shoes, which this GIF from Buzzfeed illustrates perfectly:
Wow. Two things stand out to me here:
1) Why would anyone in their right mind stand in the way of a ball hit that hard off the bat of a man who could probably decapitate statues with his swing? There are cartoon characters that have taken less punishment from groin shots.
2) Holy crap, there are Marlins fans!
As if rooting for the Marlins wasn’t a big enough shot to the nuts on its own.
People would give their left nut to catch a home run ball by the Braves. This guy actually did.
12 years ago at 2:43 pmI wish, Chipper would come out of retirement for the postseason. Go Bravos,the magic number is only 6.
12 years ago at 4:15 pmReally bummed that we’re probably going to lose McCann after this year too.
12 years ago at 4:18 pmYeah Bacon no we’re not. Don’t talk like that. I say we dump BJ and tell Gattis to practice more fly balls. Honestly I’d be happier with a Gattis Schafer Heyward outfield than an Upton Upton Heyward one.
12 years ago at 4:39 pmYeah, we’re going to lose McCann after this year. He’s an FA and he’s gonna get PAID. He’s a top 5 catcher and probably a top 5 FA this offseason. Plus since we have Gattis and Bethancourt in the pipeline we can afford to lose him, not to mention all that money we gave BJ means we CAN’T afford to keep McCann. I’d rather have (L to R) Gattis, Heyward, Upton in the OF and McCann at catcher, but it ain’t gonna happen.
The one great thing about Upton, Upton, Heyward is that our outfield D is arguably the best in the league and saves a TON of runs. Couple that w/ Simmons who has saved something like 40 defensive runs this year and our defense will be stacked for the next few years, which means our pitching, which is already very good, will perform even better.
I’m not sold on Schafer as an everyday player, not yet. His defense and base running are amazing, but his bat and OBP leave something to be desired. Right now he’s a great bench asset.
12 years ago at 4:49 pmI know it’s true I just don’t want to accept it. And schafer has been around forever going up and down from the minors I think he’s got a lot more experience than people give him credit for.
12 years ago at 5:37 pmEven before Gattis this year, the braves were probably going to let McCann walk and hope that Bethancourt’s bat was ready for the majors. Everyone has been saying he was going to be our catcher of the future. I can see his career following a Yadier Molina path, where his bat grows into his fielding ability. In the meantime Gattis can catch until he’s ready or we can find someone like the yankees or dodgers to take BJ to open an outfield spot. It will be really weird seeing McCann not in a braves uniform.
12 years ago at 3:19 amI think if Freddie Freeman hadn’t taken such a big step forward along with Gattis’ rise they would have thought twice about letting McCann walk.
12 years ago at 5:35 pmMarlins fans, nuts!
12 years ago at 4:28 pmDorno was probably right there to aid the kid after it happened.
12 years ago at 6:33 pmFor those who don’t know, the legend of El Oso Blanco… https://soundcloud.com/robjenners/the-legend-of-el-oso-blanco?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=wtshare&utm_medium=Twitter&utm_content=http://soundcloud.com/robjenners/the-legend-of-el-oso-blanco
12 years ago at 6:52 pmId give the kid a bid to live through that takes balls, but he probably does not have any anymore.
12 years ago at 8:09 pmWell my dick hurts now.
12 years ago at 8:52 pm2 balls, 1 strike.
12 years ago at 9:47 pmAnd the crowd is going nuts folks.
12 years ago at 6:57 amOne of my favorite swings in baseball. Looks so badass without the gloves too.
12 years ago at 8:21 am