Virtual Reality Company Oculus Rift Is Making Interactive Porn A Reality

Rob Fox10 years ago

Well, it’s official. The most frequent daily human interaction a pizza delivery driver gets will soon, once and for all, be with men who are in between intense masturbation sessions…if it isn’t already.

Finally science isn’t so gay.

*Stomps on calculator. Flips off GDI nerd.*

It appears Mark Zuckerberg spent $2 billion dollars to revolutionize jerking off, because one of his recent acquisitions, virtual reality company Oculus Rift, just put porn as we know it on notice.

While hundreds of developers are working on games for Oculus Rift, SugarDVD says it wants to put viewers into their favorite adult movies. It’s working with motion-capture studios in Los Angeles to generate original, VR-optimized content that will take full advantage of the Rift’s technology.

“Ideally, we’d like to include interactivity as soon as possible,” SugarDVD spokesperson Rebecca Bolen told GamesBeat. “[At first, this will be] similar to a ‘choose your own adventure’ type of experience. We already have these options for DVDs and movies with alternate ‘endings’ depending on what the viewer chooses, so we are looking forward to integrating those features into VR.”

It starts with “choose your own adventure,” but one day soon, you’ll choose which sexually attractive fictional characters from your childhood you want to have a threesome with (Hermoine Granger, Princess Jasmine). The possibilities are limitless, especially in a creepy way. I suggest you lock down, if not outright delete, your social media accounts, ladies. That creepy guy with the Batman T-shirt, cargo shorts, and heavy breathing who stares at you in class every day will no longer just think of you when he beats off–he’ll have his Oculus Rift scour your photos and make a composite, virtual version of you who rides his nerd boner for hours on end.

SugarDVD is close to rolling out its first version of the VR sex world, but it needs beta testers first. More like ‘batin’ testers, amiright?! (I am.)

“When our demo comes out, we will need beta testers,” said Bolen. “We will pick the first batch of testers out of our subscriber list, so sign up if you want to get your hands on our virtual reality app first.”

Eventually, the technology will get so crazy real that all you’ll have to do is plug yourself into a machine, close your eyes, and go nuts. Sort of like “Inception.” In fact, I imagine eventually nursing homes will be nothing but all day, virtual orgies. Something like this:

“They come here every day to sleep…and fuck?” “No, they come to be woken up…and fuck.”

Inevitably, at some point in the future, Miranda Lambert will write a wistful song about the good ol’ days of boning, when people stuck their parts in other people’s parts, for real, the old-fashioned way, just like Grandma and Grandpa used to, while the American flag waved in their yard. People used to have values, ya know?

Anyway, I’m going to retreat to my masturbation cave now. See ya never, unless you’re a pizza delivery driver.

[via Venture Beat]