Was Porn Star Stormy Daniels’ Alleged Affair With President Trump Really Just Pity Sex? An Investigative Report

Dent7 years ago

Between intermittent bouts with binge drinking and chasing every above average blonde that crosses your path, most of you probably don’t have much time for politics. But even so, one would have to live under a 10,000 pound boulder to not have heard about the Stormy Daniels scandal; it has been literally everywhere. For those of you who do take residence deep underground, presumably for apocalyptic reasons, here is a quick recap of the scenario.

It’s a classic tale, really. Rich person has affair, rich person really doesn’t want the whole world to find out about said affair, so he throws a few bucks to his mistress to keep their encounter on the low low. Only difference is that this time that rich person happened to become President of the United States, and the mistress happened to be a famous porn star, so people kind of give a shit.

Respected news program 60 Minutes took a break from reporting on things like tyrannical third-world warlords and political unrest in the middle east to have an ever important sit-down with the famed adult film damsel. In a tell-all interview that aired Sunday evening, Daniels breaks down how she (allegedly) ended up in bed with the future president.

From CBS News:

Stormy Daniels: I asked him if I could use his restroom and he said, “Yes, you know, it’s through those– through the bedroom, you’ll see it.” So I– I excused myself and I went to the– the restroom. You know, I was in there for a little bit and came out and he was sitting, you know, on the edge of the bed when I walked out, perched.

Anderson Cooper: And when you saw that, what went through your mind?

Stormy Daniels: I realized exactly what I’d gotten myself into. And I was like, “Ugh, here we go.” (LAUGH) And I just felt like maybe– (LAUGH) it was sort of– I had it coming for making a bad decision for going to someone’s room alone and I just heard the voice in my head, “well, you put yourself in a bad situation and bad things happen, so you deserve this.”

Anderson Cooper: And you had sex with him.

Stormy Daniels: Yes.

Shouts to Ferris Bueller, life really does move fast. One minute, you’re telling a millionaire real estate tycoon to pull his pants down so you can spank him with a magazine with his face on it, and the next he’s expecting a quick lay out of you? Outrageous.

This could be a total misread of the situation (it’s not), but that sounds a whole lot like a good ole’ fashion case of pity sex. And believe me, I know a thing or two about pity sex. But instead of the standard O.T.P handjibber that I’d typically get from a sorority girl, Stormy decided to humor a guy and go full fuck.

Just check out the line of questioning that followed to get a feel for her position on the whole ordeal.

Anderson Cooper: You were 27, he was 60. Were you physically attracted to him?

Stormy Daniels: No.

Anderson Cooper: Not at all?

Stormy Daniels: No.

Anderson Cooper: Did you want to have sex with him?

Stormy Daniels: No. But I didn’t– I didn’t say no. I’m not a victim, I’m not–

Anderson Cooper: It was entirely consensual.

Stormy Daniels: Oh, yes, yes.

Now compare that to this excerpt from the Urban Dictionary definition of pity-fuck:

“Typically there is no actual interest romantically in that person, but the idea of engaging in intercourse is not horrifying and almost a bit sporty. The giver goes through the motions of actual romance without any actual feelings.”

Sounds familiar, no? No further questions, your honor. I think this is a pretty open and shut case.

Stormy goes on to talk about alleged intimidation tactics from the Trump campaign to keep her quiet, and why she’s speaking now (totally not for the money), and yada, yada, yada. At the end of the day, though, we should be focusing on the real story here.

A 60-year-old less-than-in-shape man convinced a 27-year-old professional sex-haver to do the dirty with him, and she even admits to it. No matter the reasoning, pity or not, we’ve all got to tip our caps to that. Hats off, Mr.President. That’s one hell of a feat..

[via CBS News]

Image via Wikimedia Commons