What The Fuck Is A “Snage?”

ItalianStallion7 years ago

I’m a wannabe fifth year. Yeah, I graduated, but I make way too many visits to my old college to party and still pretend my glory years aren’t already behind me. As part of my poser fifth-year status, I’m still in my fraternity’s GroupMe. It was there I was introduced to the stupidest party trend I’ve ever heard.

The Northeast, the forsaken area of the country in which I went to college, got stuck with another goddamn snow storm recently. With snow storms come canceled classes, with canceled classes comes day drinking. Nothing new there. But in the aforementioned GroupMe, I noticed that in my “absence,” a new craze has overtaken the college party scene. They call it a snage.

A snage, a day drink that takes place during a blizzard, is a mix of the words “snow” and “dage.” Not a huge fan of the name, honestly. It sounds like the villain-turned-good-guy in a bootleg version of Harry Potter you’d buy on a street corner. Either that or a rejected Dr. Seuss character. After I finished wondering what half-assed, failing English major came up with that word, I just assumed the whole thing was a joke. But no; fast forward to the next day when I’m bundled up at home and getting snaps of a DJ booth and beer funnels in the midst of a foot of snow.

It was like nothing I’ve ever seen. Sure, when we used to have snow days we’d throw an impromptu rager the night before, but this was next level. No one ever thought to day drink outside in the middle of the actual storm. Girls showed up scantily clad and wearing Uggs, which is what I image Canadian strippers look like. Drinks didn’t need ice to stay cold because there were freshly fallen snowflakes everywhere. Salt wasn’t just for melting ice; they were using it for margaritas, too.

It’s all fun and games until it gets too cold, though. Sure, a snage looks fun, but I’m a million percent sure no one is ever going to want to do this again. When you’re drinking to keep yourself warm, that’s one thing. But when you go all out, wake up hungover the next morning, realize someone stole your North Face, and still have to shovel your car out of the snow, I imagine that’s when it hits you that a snage just isn’t worth it.

Will someone attempt the legendary feat of the snage next time it snows? Probably. Hopefully they think of a better name for it before then..