What To Do With Your Tax Refund

scally33312 years ago

Since the Great Recession of 2008, the U.S. economy has been downright anemic. Various governmental bailouts, the stimulus, TARP, and several trillion dollar deficits have failed to breathe life into our struggling economy. The unemployment rate still lingers around 7.8 percent, and with the recent fiscal cliff tax hikes and sequestration budget cuts, many economists are worried.

Yet one man is doing what he can to jump-start the economy. Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch outside of Reno, Nevada, says he wants to do his part to get America back on the up-and-up. Hof is instituting his own “stimulus program” by offering patrons double the amount of their government-issued tax refund checks in “bunny bucks,” which can be redeemed at the ranch. The employees of Hof’s fine establishment can then spend this money and help boost other local businesses.

Hof expects hundreds, if not thousands, of people to take him up on his offer. For those looking for a little commercial comfort, they probably aren’t going to find a better deal around. This is especially true for the guy who can normally only afford the girl with eczema who attempts to cover her mouth and the needle marks freckling her forearms. With Hof’s new “stimulus package,” he can now afford a tryst with the starlet from Finding Nemo’s G-Spot, and he may even have enough “bunny bucks” left over to get her to double-knuckle his stinkhole. As Hof sees it, that’s a win-win situation. The patron gets a little more bang for his buck and the local economy gets a shot in the arm.

Hof said he got the idea for the promotion from people who have come in over the years and cashed their Social Security checks in order to purchase services from the ladies.

“People would say to me, ‘I worked all my life and now the government’s getting me laid.'”

Old folks sure know how to party, don’t they? I’m picturing some disheveled octogenarian showing up at the Bunny Ranch with his SS check in one hand and a Viagra-induced pounding erection in the other, demanding dry anal from a teenage runaway. Or a little old blue-haired granny who’s on a fixed income cashing her SS check at the counter so she and some diseased harlot can play Lady and the Tramp with a double-sided dildo. Now that’s hot.

But there was one part of the whole idea that left me a little uneasy, and I thought it crossed the line. One of the ranch’s “bunnies” said that she’s helped some of her customers do their taxes.

“Some guys want me naked and some want me to keep my clothes on while I do their taxes.”

Wow. That is absolutely frightening. Letting a prostitute who’s fueled out of her mind on low-purity, crystallized methamphetamines fill out your 1040 while you’ve got three fingers in her meat pocket is about as prudent as having a pedophile clown watch your children for the weekend. Whoever let her fill out their return might wanna get H&R Block to take a second look at it before the IRS brings federal tax evasion charges.

[via Huff Post]