When The Patriots Lose, America Wins
The turn of the century brought change to the NFL world, and not the good kind of change. In the first four seasons of the new millennium, the New England Patriots won three Super Bowls and a breed of insufferable sports fans was spawned. And I’ll be real, here: the Patriots are good, but they aren’t God’s team or some shit. They’re not a dominant force that can’t be stopped, and in no way are they currently a dynasty. They sure as hell aren’t the greatest team of all-time.
Since they bumped their Super Bowl championship number from one to four in 2004-05, they have won just one since (thanks to some terrible play calling on Seattle’s part). Nothing that should inspire the kind of cockiness seen in Patriots fans. Put them up against Lombardi’s Packers, the Steel-Curtain Steelers of the late ’70s, Joe Montana’s Niners, or even the Cowboys teams from the ’90s and the Patriots are barely cracking the top five best “dynasties” of all-time.
Sure, Patriots fans can bring up that they went to two other Super Bowls, which they lost, but nobody gives a flying fuck who came in second. All they remember is that Eli Manning has two rings. This whole damn season we heard from Pats fans about how they were going to destroy everyone and they were the greatest…blah, blah, blah. And what was their reaction when they lost yesterday? “You can’t win ’em all!”
So get off your high horse, Pats fans. Maybe if you didn’t set your expectations so unrealistically high, the rest of the country wouldn’t jump for joy when you lose. You are not entitled to every Super Bowl just because of your team name. The snow must be getting to your heads, because you have no reason to be the cocky little shits that you are, wrecking everyone’s Twitter timelines. It’s like watching St. Louis Cardinals fans during MLB season.
That loss to the zombie of Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos was the best thing ever for the rest of us, because for another year, you have to wipe that giant smirk off your face knowing that you won’t be crowned Super Bowl champions, just like you’ve had to do nine times out of the last ten years. A Patriots loss brings the rest of the country together. We love seeing your fans cry. It’s the one time when Steelers and Ravens fans or Cowboys and Eagles fans can sing in unison that we hate your stinkin’ guts.
But let it be known, we aren’t rooting against the team that is the Patriots. We are rooting against their fans for how off-base and mind numbing they are to listen to. The constant annoyances during the season. Hashtagging every tweet with “DoYourJob.” The Gronking of miscellaneous objects. Everything. Just stop it. It’s one thing to be that annoying when you’re dominating the league, but you’re not, so it’s not a good look.
Patriots fans are left looking like this today…
…and the rest of America couldn’t be happier..
People always accuse me of jumping on the Patriots bandwagon once Brady got here. Forgive me, I’ll go slap 6 year old me for being a fan of one of the greatest franchises of all time.
9 years ago at 3:36 pmTom Brady is still a hero
9 years ago at 3:47 pmHarrison, you’re a pussy
9 years ago at 7:09 pmdamn bro, didn’t know you had 4+ rings too
9 years ago at 7:17 pmI’m willing to bet that “you” don’t have 4 rings either, bro
9 years ago at 8:34 pmWe all know the only reason Isis wants to invade America is to get their hands on the GOAT living up here in New England
9 years ago at 8:09 pmPatriot fans are the most annoying fan base there is. Followed closely by the Eagles
9 years ago at 11:13 pmBandwagoning happens regardless of the team or the city, and 100% of the time it is directly proportional to how well the team is currently doing. 5 years ago there wasn’t a Seahawks fan in the entire country. In 2013/2014 you couldn’t go five minutes watching ESPN or looking at facebook without hearing about “skittles,” “the 12th man,” “beast mode,” or “the legion of boom.” Now that their downturn back to irrelevance is almost complete, fans are conspicuously absent.
To act as if the patriots bandwagoning annoying fan problem is some sort of anomaly or in some way more obnoxious is just ridiculous and immature. There are so many insufferable fly-by-night fanbases that are much more annoying especially because they have nothing to brag about.
The point where your article devolves into sheer retardation is when you imply that pats fans have nothing to be proud of. They’ve had a preposterous run of quality football for the better part of two decades and 4 super bowl wins in 6 appearances. In that same timespan, no other NFL team has even appeared in the super bowl as many times as the patriots have won it.
9 years ago at 11:45 pmI’m not a pats fan but you need to understand how truly unprecedented their run has been. Because of how the league is set up today with everything from scheduling procedure, to the salary cap and collective bargaining, to free agency becoming the primary tool for players to transition from team to team as opposed to trading (which it had been historically) means that the patriots and what they have done should not have happened and will most likely never happen again. There has not been a team in the history of pro football (including every dynasty team from the 60s packers to the 49ers in the 80s to the 90s cowboys) that has had the continuous success that the patriots have had. Those teams also had their success in the time of soft salary caps and far tamer bargaining agreements as well as a much less utilized free agency market. The league also creates a teams schedule based on it’s record. The winningest teams in each conferences division play each other every year while last place teams in each division do the same. What all this means is that the patriots have succeeded in a time where the league has continuously tried to tear down and limit team success in order to create more balanced and therefore competitive league play. No other QB/head coaching duo has ever done anything close to what Tom and Belichick have accomplished. Even if you don’t like the team you have to respect it’s almost two decades old unbroken track record of sheer success. You also have to understand that with that sort of success comes both diehard and bandwagon fans who will probably seem annoying to a fan of a team (like the eagles) that hasn’t won a championship in decades. Also fuck you Harrison, you just sound exactly like a whiny SJW who isn’t getting his way. Man up and respect the damn hustle.
9 years ago at 12:14 amMan this is some bull shit. Patriots compete every year and Tom has four rings. He’s one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. This article is belittling success because the Pats whip your ass. Just like the tide whips everyone’s ass
9 years ago at 3:58 amI don’t get why everyone hates the patriots. They have the most ‘merican name in the NFL
9 years ago at 9:25 am