Why Girls Should Not Cut Their Hair Short
None of us grew up looking at or imagining ourselves with women rocking a solid scissor fade. Still, over the past couple of years, there has been a disturbing trend spreading across gender lines: pixie cuts. Knockouts such as Catwoman and Hermoine have famously fallen victim to the shorter hairstyle trend and Beyoncé honestly just looked like she was trying to pull off the frat swoop.
If you have any female interaction on social media, whatsoever, you may also have seen Jennifer Lawrence’s new ‘do. Though every chick on the planet begs “Can we just be best friends? Why is she perfect?” you’d only bang her if she lost ten pounds. Now, shedding some lbs. might not even do it. Lawrence didn’t go full-on pixie short, but the results are equally disastrous.
Since most girls “OMG, WANT TO BE” Jennifer Lawrence, I fear this has the potential to kick off a horrible reactionary chain of events amongst the female populace. Girls, I’m here to save you from yourself. If you’re a woman in your prime, short hair is an overwhelmingly bad idea.
If Celebrities Can’t Pull It Off, You Can’t
As SFPL noted in his brilliant social commentary on high-waisted shorts, just because a celebrity or a supermodel can pull something off, does not mean you can. You might look at Rihanna and think “That’s edgy, that’s worth aiming for,” but she also rocks the “I just got punched by my boyfriend” look, so her judgment is questionable at best.
For pixie cuts, the “But celebs are doing it!” logic doesn’t even apply. Watch Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises and compare it to her acceptance of the award for Les Mis with a haircut you’d drunkenly give a pledge. Watch Emma Watson lick her lips in one of the best .GIFs on the internet and then compare it to her Willard-style combover. Watch Beyoncé in literally anything and then compare it to her trying to pull off her best Roger Dorn flow. Normal ladies, if these fine women can’t pull it off, you don’t even stand a chance.
You Will Stand Out, But Not In A Good Way
There are certain things about girls that a guy only notices if they are spectacular or spectacularly awful. Tits, ass, legs, and a couple other things stand out regardless, but a girl’s eyes are only worth noting if they look photoshopped in real life or if they are hanging out of their sockets. The same logic applies to hair, where outside of blonde, brunette, and easy, the male population will give a collective shrug in regard to her having curled it, straightened it, pulled it up, or having done whatever else she spends an hour and a half doing before she goes out. We only notice the length when it happens to rival our own.
Maybe we take for granted your impeccable sense of style, flawless skin tone, or professionally whitened and straightened teeth, but trust me, if you dress like a moron, if you’re covered in acne, or if you’re chewing on glass, we pick it up immediately. If I even have an opinion on girl hairstyles, by default, it means that the hairstyle either has to be terrible or on Adriana Lima.
They Amplify Your Flaws To Other Girls
If there are acceptable times for a lady to have short hair, it is at the two extremes of her life. My grandma has short hair and it fits her. My 1-year-old cousin does, too, and that’s fine. The difference between them and you is that they have no one to impress. If you’re in the female sweet spot, between the ages of 18 and 28, you certainly do.
“But we don’t cut our hair for men, we cut it for ourselves!” the tired chorus cries out. This isn’t just about impressing guys, though. All of those odd insecurities you have about your looks are only highlighted with short hair. Other girls will notice them immediately as well. If you have bad teeth or some other sort of imperfection, with short hair, you’re putting it front and center. Even if you don’t have a glaring flaw, there’s one thing of which I’m sure: your face is going to look fat. Need further proof? Look at that picture of ole Jennifer Lawrence above and remember that she looked fine before.
The trolls here are actually pretty funny, not gonna lie. I got a few good laughs out of the comment thread. As a female with few insecurities that has had a wide range of hairstyles and colors because my face and body type can carry it, I can’t say I agree with the intentions of this article, but again ladies, you have to take this as what it is, opinion. You should do what looks best on you, what makes you happy, or what suits your goals. Don’t try to attract everyone if you’re not looking for anyone or just looking for a certain someone. His valid points are that short hair doesn’t look good on every female, nor will every male or female find it attractive, such is life and every other look you could possibly be wearing. Just do what you do. If you’re not happy, change it, but don’t let the idea of being attractive to every person you come across be your reasoning behind doing so. It’s never gonna happen. Dudes, there’s plenty of girls out there. You may fall for one and, eventually, maybe she’ll decide to lop those locks off. It happens. Maybe it’ll be cute, maybe it won’t, hair grows back. Maybe you’ll like a girl with short hair and if you ask her to she’ll grow it out for you, who knows? It’s just hair. Considering many of you don’t know what to do with yours either, but still manage to find girlfriends/boyfriends, I think everything’s gonna be ok for everybody 🙂
12 years ago at 12:15 pmI see a lot of blanket statements and self-righteous, baseless opinion here. “All men will give a collective shrug”… Sorry, I happen to think any woman can pull off short hair if they just do it right. And that’s coming from someone who DOES prefer long hair; the longer the better. But I can see the attractiveness in a cute, punky hairstyle, if she’s got the right sort of flair for that sort of thing. And saying a woman’s eyes only matter if they’re photoshopped or bulging out of their sockets?? Sorry, You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. My wife (Also my best friend of 12+ years) has the most gorgeous eyes, the best tits, roundest ass, awesome legs, and can STILL rock a short pixie cut. So before you start collectively being the spokesperson for all guys out there, get some ACTUAL guys’ opinions first. Beyond just your own, and your brainless frat buds.
12 years ago at 12:36 pmDon’t worry babe. The girls who are bold enough to cut their hair short don’t want guys like you anyway. 🙂
12 years ago at 1:04 pmThis article is so disgusting I made an account on this useless website just to comment on it. Fine, you don’t like pixi cuts. Great, if you actually get a girlfriend, then she won’t have a pixi cut. But what crack were you smoking when you said Jennifer Lawrence is fat? Do you like your girls anorexic? Without breasts? Any real man would see virtue in a feminine body. That means hips and an ass.
And I’m sorry. Unless you look like a hemsworth (which I doubt, as any man who is secure enough with how they look wouldn’t write garbage like this), you really have no authority on what makes who attractive. P.s. one of the hemsworth brothers is with a girl with a pixi cut. And he loves her just the way she is.
12 years ago at 2:35 pmHere’s a great reason to cut your hair short, ladies: apparently it will deflect attention from sexist douchenozzles like the author of this article. Bonus!
12 years ago at 2:36 pmSTOP THE PRESSES!!! it’s almost like you’ve all completely forgotten that a woman is -drum roll please- a human being! WOW. Like, a real human being! With her own desires and perceptions of beauty!! Okay, dudebros, take a minute to catch your breath, I know it’s a lot to take in. I mean, just try to wrap your heads around it; women actually don’t exist for your pleasure. It’s amazing! And it only took a couple thousand years of evolution for you to finally see that. Glad you learned something today.
12 years ago at 3:33 pmthat scene in american horror story when the bus full of frat guys flipped and exploded made me smile 🙂
12 years ago at 3:38 pmare you actually fucking kidding me
12 years ago at 4:25 pmAs I read this article, I tried my best to understand your perspective and give you the benefit of the doubt. I hoped somehow I could see a way in which you were still a good human being. Nonetheless, my only conclusion from this article is you are much more unattractive than any of the beautiful women that you put down. Not commenting at all on your physical features (unlike your argument) but rather on your shallow, mysogynistic views. Luckily, I will not let your views alter my views of the rest of your gender and I hope you get turned down by many of the women that fit your level of attractiveness.
P.S. I think I may cut my hair short now just in spite of this.
12 years ago at 6:34 pmThank you so much! Next time I am concerned about how attractive I look to a 90 year old man in a $20 suit, I’ll be sure to check here! In the meantime, as much as I love my long hair, I’ll be getting one of those pixie cuts in the hopes that it will keep losers like this the hell away from me, as my fiance is going to love me no matter what I do with my hair! I’m pretty tired of being hit on by old men anyway.
On a more serious note though, what if someone were dumb enough to marry you and then got cancer? Is it safe to say you’d be all “Too bad, you’re ugly now, I’m out YOLO” (seriously, I just imagine that YOLO is every other “word” in your vocabulary).
At least I can find peace in knowing NO ONE will ever love any of you. I mean seriously, again, you are taking advice from a 90 year old single man! Has it occurred to any of you that maybe he just doesn’t want to die alone without taking a few of you with him?
12 years ago at 7:05 pm