Why Girls Should Not Cut Their Hair Short
None of us grew up looking at or imagining ourselves with women rocking a solid scissor fade. Still, over the past couple of years, there has been a disturbing trend spreading across gender lines: pixie cuts. Knockouts such as Catwoman and Hermoine have famously fallen victim to the shorter hairstyle trend and Beyoncé honestly just looked like she was trying to pull off the frat swoop.
If you have any female interaction on social media, whatsoever, you may also have seen Jennifer Lawrence’s new ‘do. Though every chick on the planet begs “Can we just be best friends? Why is she perfect?” you’d only bang her if she lost ten pounds. Now, shedding some lbs. might not even do it. Lawrence didn’t go full-on pixie short, but the results are equally disastrous.
Since most girls “OMG, WANT TO BE” Jennifer Lawrence, I fear this has the potential to kick off a horrible reactionary chain of events amongst the female populace. Girls, I’m here to save you from yourself. If you’re a woman in your prime, short hair is an overwhelmingly bad idea.
If Celebrities Can’t Pull It Off, You Can’t
As SFPL noted in his brilliant social commentary on high-waisted shorts, just because a celebrity or a supermodel can pull something off, does not mean you can. You might look at Rihanna and think “That’s edgy, that’s worth aiming for,” but she also rocks the “I just got punched by my boyfriend” look, so her judgment is questionable at best.
For pixie cuts, the “But celebs are doing it!” logic doesn’t even apply. Watch Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises and compare it to her acceptance of the award for Les Mis with a haircut you’d drunkenly give a pledge. Watch Emma Watson lick her lips in one of the best .GIFs on the internet and then compare it to her Willard-style combover. Watch Beyoncé in literally anything and then compare it to her trying to pull off her best Roger Dorn flow. Normal ladies, if these fine women can’t pull it off, you don’t even stand a chance.
You Will Stand Out, But Not In A Good Way
There are certain things about girls that a guy only notices if they are spectacular or spectacularly awful. Tits, ass, legs, and a couple other things stand out regardless, but a girl’s eyes are only worth noting if they look photoshopped in real life or if they are hanging out of their sockets. The same logic applies to hair, where outside of blonde, brunette, and easy, the male population will give a collective shrug in regard to her having curled it, straightened it, pulled it up, or having done whatever else she spends an hour and a half doing before she goes out. We only notice the length when it happens to rival our own.
Maybe we take for granted your impeccable sense of style, flawless skin tone, or professionally whitened and straightened teeth, but trust me, if you dress like a moron, if you’re covered in acne, or if you’re chewing on glass, we pick it up immediately. If I even have an opinion on girl hairstyles, by default, it means that the hairstyle either has to be terrible or on Adriana Lima.
They Amplify Your Flaws To Other Girls
If there are acceptable times for a lady to have short hair, it is at the two extremes of her life. My grandma has short hair and it fits her. My 1-year-old cousin does, too, and that’s fine. The difference between them and you is that they have no one to impress. If you’re in the female sweet spot, between the ages of 18 and 28, you certainly do.
“But we don’t cut our hair for men, we cut it for ourselves!” the tired chorus cries out. This isn’t just about impressing guys, though. All of those odd insecurities you have about your looks are only highlighted with short hair. Other girls will notice them immediately as well. If you have bad teeth or some other sort of imperfection, with short hair, you’re putting it front and center. Even if you don’t have a glaring flaw, there’s one thing of which I’m sure: your face is going to look fat. Need further proof? Look at that picture of ole Jennifer Lawrence above and remember that she looked fine before.
You sir need to PIPE THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!
11 years ago at 11:17 pmNext Up:
11 years ago at 10:21 am“Why men shouldn’t wear pastel thigh-high shorts:”
Fine college and fraternity men, we don’t wish to see the outline of your scrotum, encased in twill pink shorts. That’s just not going to cut it in the manly department for us women. I fear that this trend will perpetuate a truly homosexual image in fraternity men. No woman wants to lend herself over to a man that can’t even figure out long shorts are better and more attractive. We don’t want to see your upper thigh! I know it’s so trendy and cool, and you want us to know that you spent $60 on a pair of shorts, but please, leave the thigh-highs to the ladies. “But we don’t wear chubbs for women, we wear them for ourselves!” the frat boys call out. Well, all of those odd insecurities you have about your looks are only highlighted with short shorts.
^likes European men, and doesn’t shave
11 years ago at 11:59 am1. None of your points apply to every woman.
2. I try really hard not to stereotype fratties; I live in the #1 ranked college party town in the nation, so it’s hard, but I TRY to give them the benefit of the doubt. People like you make that very difficult.
3. Straight fugly: http://img2.timeinc.net/instyle/images/2007/galleries/070607_berry_300X400.jpg
I haven’t read such an asinine article since a girl at my school wrote a “piece” on how boys should let cute girls have their seats on the campus bus.
P.S. How the f**k do you think that Jennifer Lawrence too big? I’m glad I’m not your girlfriend! I weigh 105 lbs and I’m 5’3″ and you’d probably make me go to the gym every day and throw away my ice cream.
11 years ago at 12:18 pm^Throw away your ice cream and go to the gym
11 years ago at 10:47 pmI hope to god you aren’t referring to West Virginia.
11 years ago at 1:39 pm‘there has been a disturbing trend spreading across gender line’
What gender line? The hair gender line? and what is it based on? Tradition? which tradition? your personal taste? and where does that come from exactly, because you are hardly what I would call an original thinker, it must come from somewhere else. Have you been to school, even kindergarten? where they teach you about the animal kingdom? ever seen a lion and lioness hair trend?
if you haven’t the lion has longer hair than the lioness and they mate pretty easily. Human Men have had a trend of wearing long hair too it was the norm believe it or not. (check 16th century…) are you feeling fat and ugly now your hair is cut short? is that what this is all about? grow your hair man! don’t feel peer pressured into cutting it. Men have had long hair for centuries and countless male animals too. it makes you feel beautiful, it certainly was condoned by jesus too. so don’t be afraid. Be yourself, love yourself. Plus unless you are balding, hair always grows back you can do it!
http://spiritlessons.com/Documents/Jesus_Pictures/Jesus_048.jpg
11 years ago at 12:50 pmSo you’re saying women should cut theirs short and men should grow theirs long? You’re a fucking freak, go away and never come back.
11 years ago at 6:26 pmso women aren’t allowed to cut their hair short? are they also not allowed to wear pants? or have jobs? or make their own decisions? get real it’s 2013, not the 1950’s. if this is really your opinion on strong independent women, i feel sorry for you.
11 years ago at 1:24 pmIt’s funny because most people would argue that the U.S. was much more stable back then.
11 years ago at 12:15 amAm I the only one who is more disturbed by the fact that he called Jennifer Lawrence fat than any other comment he made in this article?
11 years ago at 8:20 pmBut, really.. I could care less about the whole haircut thing but Jennifer Lawrence is flawless.
11 years ago at 9:57 am*couldn’t
11 years ago at 8:31 pmWhy does TFM smell like patchouli and fish all of a sudden?
11 years ago at 8:39 pmDude, if you can’t handle the mere appearance of a lady with short hair then thanks for sharing your own insecurities as a man in this opinion piece.
There must be something lacking within you if you have the need to control the standards of who is beautiful and who isn’t.
All of those odd insecurities you have about yourself as a man are only highlighted with your fear of women who appear to break tradition and have the audacity to express themselves despite the judgements of people like you.
11 years ago at 9:16 pmTL;DR
11 years ago at 11:58 amI doubt you played QB
11 years ago at 10:16 pmWhat are you talking about, I bet he could throw a football over them mountains.
11 years ago at 9:36 amWomen should just stay off this site.
11 years ago at 12:02 amsome sensitives ladies out there, eh? he doesnt like short hair on girls and I agree. thats all there is to it stop digging deeper,why cant someone have an opinion on what makes the opposite sex attractive and what doesnt? i think short hair looks terrible on girls and im sure tons of girls dont like something about me physically. why all the fuss? to each there own
11 years ago at 12:40 am