Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Bikinis
I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to consult with any fashion designer on how they should or shouldn’t make their clothes. Hell, I’m not even qualified to tell my girlfriend what to wear. I’m just your average guy who has noticed this horrifying trend going on in the world of bikinis, a world that was once dominated by the hybrid thong bikini where asses flow out of them like water at Niagara Falls. Being someone who owns a very strong opinion and has this fine medium through which to express my views, I’d like to discuss with you guys the fashion faux pas that is sweeping the female population.
I am talking about the new craze of high-waisted bikinis that college-aged girls are donning on their rumps (and stomachs) while they take trips to the beach or pool (far left bikini in the photo above, for the academically challenged). If there’s anything we can learn about trends, it’s that just because it’s the new, cool thing, it doesn’t mean that you should jump aboard the hype train. Just look at Crocs, for example. People loved Crocs even though Crocs are ugly. Girls love the high-waisted look, and the high-waisted look is ugly.
Here are the 3 main reasons why I am not a fan of the high-waisted bikini.
They Look Like Something Our Moms Would Wear
When I go to the beach or somewhere where it is acceptable for a girl to be wearing glorified underwear, I don’t want to look at that girl and think, “I’ve seen that look before on a family vacation. Where have I seen it? Hmm… OH GOD MY MOM HAD SOMETHING SIMILAR.” That’s not to say I don’t love my mom — my mother is a saint, and only good words should be spoken of her. I just don’t want to mix imagery when I’m adding pics to a potential image bank to use for later.
Plus, do you ladies really want to be associated with old age? After all, the older you get, the more high-waisted your clothing becomes. You’re really shooting yourselves in the foot with these abominations. If you’re going to go full mom mode, then you might as well stop posting those ass shots to Instagram, too (jk please don’t do that).
Normal Girls Don’t Look Good In Them
You may have seen your favorite celebrity like Taylor Swift or Gigi Hadid sporting one of these babies on their latest social media post. Maybe you have also seen an Instagram model posting shots of themselves wearing these monstrosities. Either way, you’re not them. These girls have the body to pull it off. You do not. Snap me photo proof if you think you can.
The smoking hot supermodels and celebrities who wear high-waisted bikinis spend hours in the gym and tons of cash at the plastic surgeon to get the ass/breast/waist ratio necessary to turn this look into something semi-sexual. Most girls roaming college campuses simply don’t have the resources to come anywhere close to their model counterparts. Most college girls aren’t willing to give up their margaritas and late night pizza for long enough to allow these Pull-Ups disguised as bikinis to look good.
Your Ass Disappears In These Things
It’s like the designer of these things had one intention and one intention only when he made them: to create as many flat asses as possible. Maybe he’s a tits guy and just has a flat-out hatred for ass. I don’t know. All I know is that when a girl who’s well-endowed in the rump region puts on one of these, her butt is gone in sixty seconds. Not good.
Girls will spend hours in the gym perfecting their asses. That’s why, when it comes to clothes, girls like to show off their best assets. If you don’t believe me, then why are you wearing that low-cut top and those yoga pants to class? Because it’s comfy, or because you know you’ll get some looks? Want comfort? Wear sweats or norts. So why waste a good ass by stuffing it in the proverbial locker that is the high-waisted bikini?
Now I know that technically a girl’s clothing isn’t supposed to make my pants feel funny, but let’s get real, ladies. Everyone should abide by the “if you got it, flaunt it” rule. Let’s get back to being cheeky..
Image via Instagram/@TaylorSwift
Interesting response from a high wasted bikini owner:
9 years ago at 8:21 am“I spent the last 10 minutes writing an extremely long and unnecessary paragraph on why this article is very literally the most ignorant pieces of shit I’ve ever read…
And then I remembered that this article was probably written by some boy wearing salmon colored shorts.
Yes, please. Remind us how we should pick and chose our clothing styles based on your wants. But never listen to us when we tell you you’re showing a little too much thigh in those pastel colored shorts of yours, boy.
After all, we’re just trying to help each other out, right?
Fuck outta here. “
this girl has spunk and righteous guts to hold the mirror up to you.
i will tell her tho, that this is a lesson in how (NOT) to “pick and choose” friends.
Sad tho, right? but, then, you don’t want friends do you. maybe angry homosexual ones only.
9 years ago at 8:01 amI think that you can go die in a hole and take your stupid fucking misogynist attitude down with you. When will people (mostly men) realize that women do not exist to be objectified? You think that everything we do is to give you a boner. GUESS WHAT? IT’S NOT. We’re just trying to go about our everyday lives and exist without your validation. Is that so fucking hard to believe? You guys just don’t want to believe it because you can’t bare the thought to think that WE DON’T WANT YOU. Wow! Did that just hurt your fragile little ego? We don’t give a fuck if you think we look hot or not. We feel good and we don’t care if you agree. NOT EVERYTHING WE DO IS FOR YOU. So go fuck yourself because that’s the only person you’re ever going to be able to get in bed again. And the women who you do, somehow, trick into bed with you haven’t caught onto how manipulative you guys are. But they will. One by one we will uncover your bullshit until you are beaten to such a fucking pulp that you can’t even jack yourself off anymore.
I know #notallmen but they aren’t the ones agreeing with you.
9 years ago at 7:47 pmThank you. Now go out to the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
9 years ago at 5:37 amThe correct response it “pie!”
And, we have nothing wrong to say about that! But for derned sake, be courteous (& grateful) while you’re eating it!
9 years ago at 7:35 amIS ‘pie’! (pronouced: ‘pa!’) but, your mom did that for you, right? no different here.
9 years ago at 7:55 amDid you create an account just to post this comment?
9 years ago at 12:45 pmhappy if she did
9 years ago at 7:36 amIf you’re going to be rude and make a sweeping, misogynistic generalization about women, at least have the courage to attach your name to it.
9 years ago at 10:37 pmAll women are sluts. — Steve Holt
9 years ago at 5:39 am“Not I, said the little red hen.”
9 years ago at 7:34 amYes, I would love to know his name and address. Also who his friends are.
9 years ago at 7:57 amWarning: rant coming
THIS ARTICLE IS EVERYTHING THAT PROVES WHY WOMEN’S BODIES ARE OBJECTIFIED IN OUR SOCIETY BY OUR MEN.
The three reasons this author claims women shouldn’t wear high waisted bikinis are ALL because they aren’t pleasing, to HIM. According to HIM, women start to “look like his mom,” “lose their asses,” and “don’t look good.” EXCUSE ME, but when did it become our DUTY to don something that is pleasing to YOUR eye? Since when did our bodies become our biggest and most important asset to you? Why is it that we can’t simply wear a high waisted bikini because we WANT TO, regardless of what you, a disgusting, judgmental, chauvinistic pig has to think about it?
Here’s a news flash:
Assuming you’re in a frat (due to what this was published on), you pride yourself in dressing like a dad, having that dad bod. You wear the same tennis shoes as my father. You wear clothes my father has worn in every family picture since I was born. You have the beer belly of a forty year old man. And you pride yourself in that. Why in the hell is it okay for you to look like my father, but God forbid I remind you of your mother?
And secondly, my body serves so many more purposes to this world than to be pleasing to your eye. Whether or not what I wear pleases you makes no difference to me. If I’m comfortable and feel beautiful, then that’s all that matters to me and how my day goes. My body is here to be a vessel to my mind, my heart, my soul, and my purpose God put me on this earth to fulfill. It is not, in any way, there for you to judge and look at.
And lastly, since when did “paying for butt and breast implants and working out” and everything else you claimed models/actresses do to keep their thin figures make them any less of a “normal” woman? They may not look like the women you’re accustomed to seeing, but please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP SAYING THERE IS A “NORMAL WOMAN,” because they’re just simply isn’t. We are all unique. We all have uniquely different and beautifully shaped bodies. Our minds think differently, and our actions impact the world in different ways. We all love differently, and we have different goals and aspirations and dreams. All of our paths are different, and God has a specific plan that looks different for each of us. Stop negating all of that by diminishing our value down to what our bodies look like.
I pray for you. And I pray for your poor girlfriend, who should wise up and dump you if she hasn’t already, because she no doubt has suffered from your judgmental viewpoints. But most importantly, I pray for your children. I pray your son learns what NOT to be through you, because your “outlet” proves that you are everything that is wrong in our society. You may not ever actually rape a woman, but unfortunately, you are adding to the rape culture. So, I’ll be praying for you.
9 years ago at 10:34 amShow us your tits.
9 years ago at 12:08 pmhuh?
9 years ago at 7:33 amsteve you are outdoing yourself in the no brain department. this begs the question of, what university would accept you? and doesn’t it automatically defile universities in general? you know, i think we need an anti-university movement. why don’t you just open frat houses with no university attached. that would be good, right? then, anyway, people could see your colors as well as they can see a bloody brothel, from waaaaay down the street. universities are doomed and i’d like to be the one to close them down unless they start interviewing for character.
9 years ago at 7:41 amthey’re called breasts you imbecile (sorry)
9 years ago at 7:54 amYou know that you and I are the only ones reading this. You know that, right? If you want your fingernails-on-a-chalkboard “voice” to be heard, you have to comment on the most recent posts. Just some advice. Now pull out those saggy vegan tits and let me see the stretch marks.
9 years ago at 12:30 pmsteve, ditch the drugs. no, you are not the only one reading this.
9 years ago at 7:42 amstevie, you are adding to the annals of life with every word you write.
9 years ago at 8:13 amI bet I’m hotter than you. I bet I’m a better seamstress and know more about clothing and fashion than you do. And more importantly, I’m definitely smarter and more socially aware than you. So you really have no room here to talk bitch. However, I DO. So I will.
I could tell you everything you did wrong in this article, but instead I will give you some tips on what to do next time you want to write a piece on the female form:
1. Don’t do it. You’re probably a cisgendered white male who has not accepted or is completely ignorant of his privileged life and nobody gives a fuck about what you have to say on this topic because you are not important and have no way of understanding the deep complexity of what you are talking about.
2. Since I’m pretty sure you ignored that, here’s another tip. Don’t put any of your personal opinions that can not be backed by some sort of reputable source or blatantly state that you don’t know what you’re talking about. Both of which you did at the beginning and throughout this piece. This is literally a writing 101 rule dumb-ass. Have you ever taken an English class in your life?
3. Why on earth would you use fragments of popular speech like “if you got it flaunt it” and say things like “normal girls don’t look like Taylor Swift” when these bits of “information” have been proven wrong time and time again! “Normal Girls” come in all shapes and sizes so yes, there ARE in fact plenty of normal (whatever that means really) girls that are the height and have similar bone structures to Talyor Swift. If you’re using popular fallacies then that is a huge red light that you have no actual basis for your argument. Or to put it more accurately to represent your kind of person, you think with your dick.
So please, just stop. Just start being a better person, it really could be that easy for you; unlike the rest of the female population who still have to worry if they have a hair out of place before walking into their jobs or classes. Basically just DO NOT tell girls your opinions about their appearance, because we literally give zero fucks. And those of us that tell you we care are either lying or have been so beaten down and negatively affected by the portrayal of women in the national and international media and culture that they don’t know what else to do.
Do us all a favor and delete this article and go sit in a corner or a cave or in the basement of a nunnery to think about why you objectify women and why you thought writing this article was a good idea in the first place. Oh yeah, and don’t come out until you’re ready to operate in the world as an actually decent human being.
9 years ago at 1:53 pmI definitely do NOT want to see your tits.
9 years ago at 3:54 pmyes, article should be deleted. but then, maybe there are some other articles on this site that should be deleted. better yet, maybe some brains who wrote and commented hostily should be deleted. but then, i’d be no better than them so i will fight for their right to exist, brainless and heartless as they are.
9 years ago at 7:46 amBrb throwing out all my non-high waisted bikinis so I can make sure to repel douchebags like you. Thanks for the tip!
9 years ago at 3:36 pm7/10 I want to see your tits.
9 years ago at 3:54 pmagain, they’re breasts, imbecile (sorry)
9 years ago at 8:10 amYou know it’s really hilarious that you and your friends are expressing (as if through your breasts) all this righteous indignation and virtually no one (save you and me) is reading it. The only reason I saw it is that I was looking at an account – I assume set up by the TFM IT people – that displays ALL comments made on the website. I thought it was pretty funny that someone was taking the time to write this stuff on a multiple-day-old post that no one was reading. Whether I agree or disagree with your views is irrelevant. What is relevant and is that you’re screaming into an empty room. Which raises the question: If a feminist screams and no one hears her, is she still wrong?
9 years ago at 4:20 pmStevie, people ARE looking at this website… so there are no empty rooms. I AM reading what these women are saying and am gratified by it. I AM reading what you are saying, as well. I sense a problem with feminism. To be fair, feminism, if correct, should uphold men as well as women. Please think about that, and write me an essay on Feminism v Feminazi Prof. Mary
9 years ago at 7:49 amha! love it. but i’ll give you a hint: they ain’t worth the neuron of attention or response from you.
9 years ago at 7:44 amI made an account just so I could comment on your garbage article, particularly because one line was so disturbing to me: “I just don’t want to mix imagery when I’m adding pics to a potential image bank to use for later.” So wait– you don’t want women to wear something because it reminds you so much of your mother, you can’t MASTURBATE TO IT LATER? WOMEN DON’T DRESS FOR YOU. If something reminds you of your mother and it doesn’t make you sexually aroused, you’d probably better search for spank bank material that’s more to your nasty liking, not some innocent girl that surely didn’t dress to get your limp dick hard. Damn.
9 years ago at 11:34 pmI masturbated thinking about you typing your comment completely naked. I assume you have a huge ass and I’m into huge asses.
9 years ago at 9:07 ami assume you have a super tiny brain for a man and i’m so o o o baby into that, your dumb stupidity. NOW, does that seem like a nice thing to say?!
9 years ago at 7:38 amThere is evidently much hostility here. I’m concerned when young men are so outwardly seeking approval from each other in a negative way. Probably better to join in and not hang on the outside nurturing your anger. Let there be a natural divide between you and the ladies.
Boundaries are good. Respect better. A good decision rule is to ask whether you’d want your mother or sister treated the way you’re about to treat someone or speak of them.
I truly wish you luck. It’s an uber schizoid crazy world out there, not to mention psychically treacherous, and it (the secular world) is claiming casualties and fatalities in males gone wrong, at an alarming record rate. Defy them. Become strong, healthy fathers. Screw the rest.
9 years ago at 7:30 amEvidently much much hostility here. I’m concerned when young men are so outwardly seeking approval from each other in a negative way. Probably better to join in and not hang on the outside nurturing your anger. Let there be a natural divide between you and the ladies.
Boundaries are good. Respect better. A good decision rule is to ask whether you’d want your mother or sister treated the way you’re about to treat someone or speak of them.
I truly wish you luck. It’s an uber schizoid crazy world out there, not to mention psychically treacherous, and it (the secular world) is claiming casualties and fatalities in males gone wrong, at an alarming record rate. Defy them. Become strong, healthy fathers. Screw the rest.
9 years ago at 8:19 am