Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts
I’d like to preface this one with a disclaimer: I am not a fashion designer. Man, it feels good to get that one off my chest. All I am is a guy who has some strong opinions and a keyboard, and I’d like to take some time out of your day to talk about a fashion epidemic that is making the beautiful asses of the world disappear, one by one.
If the title and that astoundingly subtle lead-in didn’t clue you in enough, I’m talking about the late-’80s craze of high-waisted shorts resurfacing on the rumps of college-aged girls everywhere. If the Bieber Fever epidemic has taught us anything, it’s this: just because something is popular, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a good thing. I’m here to explain why this high-waisted trend has become nearly as unwelcome as the Canadian pop icon himself.
Only Supermodels Look Good In Them
I know there are exceptions to every rule out there. If you REALLY think you know someone who can pull off the high-waist look, then please feel free to email me some photographic proof. For the vast majority of girls, however, this fashion statement just doesn’t cut it.
Sure, the smoking hot supermodels of the world have the ass/breast/waist ratio to make this look happen, but chances are most girls on your college campus don’t come anywhere close. There are plenty of other trendy clothes to wear that don’t make you look like a two-year-old who is overconfident in his potty-training abilities. Let’s leave the “I’m a big kid now!” style pull-ups to the toddlers.
Your Homemade Pair Looks Even Worse
Look, I get it. It sounds like a great idea in theory. You head down to Goodwill, pick up the most mom-tastic pair of jeans you can find, and spend an afternoon slicing, dicing, and acid-washing until you’re left with a seemingly fashionable pair of chest-chokers. If only it were that easy. In most cases, the end result of this scissor-session looks more like your dog went on a destructive rampage in your closet.
If you’re going to ignore my advice and still rock the high-waisted look, the least you can do is own it with a pair of professionally made shorts. There’s a reason that some random 48-year-old gave away those hip blasting abominations. She sure as hell didn’t expect them to be transformed into a $3.50 crafting project for a sorority girl on a budget. Remember ladies, just because you can craft up an amazing cooler, it doesn’t mean you’re quite ready to make a fashion statement with a highrise pair of decade-old Levi’s.
They Make Great Asses Disappear
This is a magic trick that David Blaine couldn’t even pull off, yet these mom jean enthusiasts shock crowds with no sleight-of-hand or magic words required. The second almost any well-proportioned gal fastens that ribcage choking waistband, she might as well proclaim, “Now you see it! Now you don’t!”
Before the feminists start blasting me on Twitter, I realize that not every item of women’s clothing is made for the sole purpose of enticing sexual interest from men. But come on, ladies. These might be hip right now, but they aren’t doing your natural blessings any favors. As the old adage goes, “If you got it, flaunt it, and don’t hide it behind a lung choking tribute to trendiness.”
They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers
First and foremost, I love my grandma. She’s a phenomenal cook, a great person, and writes one hell of a $12 birthday check every year. I just think the categories of “people I want to have sex with” and “my parent’s mother” should never have this much crossover.
It’s a scientific fact that the older a person gets, the higher up their waistline ultimately becomes. It’s like the opposite of the effect that gravity ultimately holds over your nipples. Why speed the process along on your 65-year journey to the old lady lifestyle by dressing like one now?
11 years ago at 4:14 pmThe same girls saying, “it doesn’t matter what men think,” are the same FemNazis writing damn near novels to defend their choices on a male centered humor website.
11 years ago at 4:23 pmUhhhhh….who cares?
11 years ago at 3:22 amI’m a girl and I thought this article was super funny for the record
11 years ago at 8:48 pmThe first time I came across this trend I was at a music festival and I wondered what decade I was in and I really did think wow that’s an ugly look. And admittedly as a man, I did not think it was very flattering to a woman’s assets. I truly agree with the wear what ever the fuck you want movement. You girls can wear what ever you want regardless of what a man thinks. But take a look at were this comes from. Where is your originality? Do you only wear a look because everyone else is doing it? Because you saw some famous person doing it? Because a majority of your friends are doing it? Most of our American stars are sex symbols, they lead the trends because we give them the power to do so. The high wasted shorts are the same as Jennifer Anistons hair cut that everybody had to have regardless of it not looking good on everybody. I don’t agree with the fratitude of this article there are somethings that do come off as misogynistic but his main point shouldn’t be ignored he dosn’t think they look good as do a many of men. I don’t think that’s going to sway you girls in either direction. The thing is the festival I was at was the same place I saw girls proudly wearing shirts and hats emblazoned SLUT, or PARTY WITH SLUTS, or my favorite misguided ridiculous saying ALL I DO IS FUCK AND PARTY. Even though I can party with the best of them I still like to eat and take a nap once and I while. Not sayin they were all rockin these shirts but needless to say the combo of high waist and slut shirts came up a lot. Most of these girls were scantly clad obviously bra showing or wearing no undergarments at all. You cant tell me that many of these girls were wearing the high waist shorts because they thought they were just cute. These were outfits that none of them would wear out in public. They did it cause they wanted to look hot or what they think is hot at the time. Now on the other side of the coin the dudes wearing their bro uniforms looked just as ridiculous and Im glad I came from a non conformist generation yes we are all influenced by trends, but you girls do this stuff too each other and yes there are men out there that look at you objectively so if you rockin something that Myley Syrus wears you really have to check your self’s. Those shorts are ugly, you wear them cause you think they are sexy. Be more Original. That is all.
11 years ago at 1:10 pmI can completely understand that someone may not like high-waisted shorts and that’s fine! I think people are just so offended because the name of the article, “Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts”. When people are told they should stop doing something they enjoy they will obviously get upset! If I saw you on the street, being a complete stranger, while you were carrying home a pint of ice cream and I stopped you and said, “You shouldn’t eat ice cream. Everyone will not like you because you’ll get fat, processed sugar won’t keep you at your peak physical condition. This is a horrible product and I can’t believe you would even think of buying it. Etc…” I’m pretty sure you’d be upset.
Also, if high-waisted shorts hide tummy fat, then what does makeup hide? A lot of guys are okay with makeup, and even prefer girls who wear it! Just because a girl may have flaws doesn’t mean she should be forced to show them. Guys too! I’ve heard boys say they don’t like makeup on girls, and then they don’t like the pimples or under eye circles or something. People want to be accepted! So what does it take in this society to be accepted by the boys? It seems like a flat stomach and big ass are required at this point.
If you have negative opinions please remember how self-conscious people can get when you point out what you consider flaws to them. You’re allowed to have opinions about whatever you want but please don’t make it seems like everyone has to conform to it.
11 years ago at 7:16 pmI agree, they are the worst fashion trend I seen in a long time. I will be grateful when it is over.
11 years ago at 4:19 pmYou left out the number 1 reason no one should wear these. No one wamts to see your aunt jemimas pancake ass hanging out the bottom! Shit looks like Miley Cyrus at yhe VMAs. No matter how fit you are, I don’t want to see your fuckin butt cheeks lol.
11 years ago at 2:16 amYou think you have the right to tell women what to wear? This is sickening, all some men can think about is the physical appearance of women! Why do you even care? Why is the fact that some women wear high waisted shorts so important and offensive to you that you felt the need to write an entire article about it? People like you need to realise that we can wear whatever we want, if it’s not your body, you shouldn’t be making comments like this.
11 years ago at 1:49 pmLet me first say that I like the article, it well written and it has some points that I agree with (not saying that I have to agree). For instance I have a pair, and my bottom didn’t look as good as other shorts (sad face), and I did feel like I was rocking some Mom jeans. But to title this “Why girls should stop wearing high-waisted shorts”, and the reasons being because they don’t look good in them and their backside disappears is just ridiculous. Go pick up an issue of Maxim, people should wear what they want, you sound really shallow which in my opinion is a big issue with men and how they view women.
11 years ago at 2:13 pm