Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls
These last three years have been, overall, the best of my life. I bought a home, I have a great job, I’ve dated some beautiful women, and I’m three years cunnilingus free. That’s right, my tongue is free from the tyranny of the labia labyrinth, and I could not be happier.
Like many guys, I spent several years fighting in the trenches, dodging mortars and barbed wire on the muddy terrain of the vaginal Verdun, but the misery of it all brought me to the point where I had to stop. It was not enjoyable. It felt like work, and my partner would complain about my lack of enthusiasm–as if I would act like polishing her dusty furniture was enjoyable. I’ve only dated one girl who acted like eating her out was a necessity, but she was fucking nuts, so I assume she is in the minority.
I didn’t realize it had become such a big deal until several 20-something girls brought up the topic in conversation. When I mentioned my hatred of digging for clams, they looked at me as if I had said the world was flat and only 6,000 years old. I’m not an idiot. Has a lack of enjoyment while munching on tuna tacos actually become a widespread deal breaker among what our elders call an “entitled generation?” It just can’t be.
This is ridiculous. No man should have society dictate to him that he is required to shuck oysters in order to be sexually competent. Is getting the job done the old-fashioned way no longer a viable option? I was lucky enough to date a girl for a full year who preferred her orgasms come the old-fashioned way (pun intended) rather than from oral. I still made sure she finished, ’cause I’m a nice guy. Is that such a foreign concept nowadays? Am I even allowed to not like licking the spicy mayo off a California roll anymore? The radical, feminist agenda wants to force me to enjoy tongue punching their saddlebags, and no man should be pressured to subject himself to something that he doesn’t find enjoyable.
The first reason men should not be expected to clean out a woman’s fish bowl is the fact that it is, in fact, a submissive activity. She’s lying back, nearly breaking your neck with her legs, while you swirl your tongue in circles until it feels like it’s going to fall off. There is literally no way to feel manly while servicing her transmission. You quickly start to pray for her to orgasm soon so you can save some dignity. I do enough work wearing the pants, anyway. I get a nice, upper body workout swiping my fucking credit card and carrying shit that’s too heavy for her. Don’t forget carrying her when her heels hurt her feet, fixing her car, fighting her battles–and in the bedroom, who’s the one thrusting? That’s right, it’s me. For all the work I put into wearing the pants, I shouldn’t be expected to clean out her gutter as some sort of job prerequisite. I should do it if I feel like it, not because it’s mandatory.
Also, if women expect guys to go down on them, why do so many of them have subpar hygiene in their netherworld? No guy finds pleasure in eating two day old hairy sushi. That thing needs to be waxed or shaved, and it should be cleaner than a Mormon’s criminal background check.
Guys, have you ever tried to go down on a stinky box? It’s like diving head first into a garbage truck. Making it an even less pleasant experience is not going to encourage a guy to suck it up and eat the sauerkraut off your reuben.
Ultimately, muff munching is generally not a gratifying experience for a man. It only worsens the issue when we are told that we must do it and enjoy it, too. If you want a guy to do it, you’re going to have to make it pleasurable for him and well worth his while.
Oral is a much different experience for guys than it is for girls. You cannot compare them side by side and say, “What would you say if you met a girl who didn’t give head?” Sure, if I’m in a long term relationship and my girl likes it, I’ll lick the cookie butter off her spoon every now and again in the heat of the moment IF I FEEL LIKE IT. However, it should not be an expectation or benchmark for judging a guy’s prowess. That’s just idiotic and disastrous.
So since you’re the “one wearing the pants” and ever-so-manly, you could of done the adult thing and:
-offered to take a duo shower before getting busy if you’re worried about the scent to get squeaky clean, and also make a more enjoyable foreplay experience. Most people do not realize they smell they’re used to their own body odor that they don’t realize they might be a bit stinky. I use “people” because it isn’t just women, dudes don’t realize after a day at work, whipping out their junk to ladies doesn’t smell like roses or taste like freshly baked banana bread. Dicks right after a long day as are appealing to women as pork is to a faithful Jew: nether one wants that anywhere near their mouth.
-if the lady still smells after cleaning, suck it up and bring up she may of needed a OB/GYN visit-a clean vagina is NOT supposed to smell. She could of had an infection or a PH balance issue. God forbid you mention something that could of been easily treated,but hey, as long as your dick got to go in there, guess it was good enough.
-quit worrying about how someone treats their pubes. Pubes actually help keep germs and bacteria out of your genitals, and help lessen infections by trapping all those grimy things. If you want a smooth, hair free lady, you best be getting the razor out as well. I can’t tell you how many of my not so shy roommates that wander nude have hair that could be classified as a new, undiscovered forest. You really think a woman enjoys a mouthful of that shit?
-you could of simply manned yourself up and admitted to your partners you weren’t into giving oral sex after you tried it the first few times and didn’t enjoy it, instead of picking up some middle school joke book at your local Barnes and Nobles that had every stupid euphemism for going down on a woman and insinuating vaginas are gross to lick, and it’s emasculating to perform oral sex on a woman (because god forbid your precious dick isn’t being touched for ten minutes) and writing this piss poor whiny article about how dudely you are for not licking any puss for three years. Based on the way you describe your pants wearing carfixins’ manliness, something tells me no woman has really enjoyed your presence, giving oral sex or not.
Basically, grow the fuck up. You don’t want to perform oral sex, fine, but for those of us that like it? We’ll be busy eating all of your future girlfriends out.
11 years ago at 6:53 pmLOL..you’re awesome.
11 years ago at 1:26 pmThat was the most unintellectual chauvinistic opinion I have ever read in my entire life. No one is required to do anything, ever, but his reasons reveal a lack of communication and education, all while forcing old gender roles and revealing a superiority complex.
1.) Sex isn’t about orgasms, it’s about the experience, is the ending to a story any good if you haven’t read the beginning and middle? Highly unlikely. I, and many other women and men I know, agree that orgasms from oral or “the old-fashioned” way are no good without a wonderful and slow before experience and that many times our best sexual encounters don’t always have the time to get to an orgasm… not to mention all the experience leading up to an orgasm when there is the time, well when that’s good there are usually multiple orgasms each getting better as you go and that is really amazing.
the fact that you give girls an orgasm without oral is irrelevant to your argument.
2.) I and many other girls I know are completely independent. I do not asked to be carried anywhere, I’m an adult I commit to the heels I wear, I swipe my own credit card, I fight my own battles, asking anyone else to would just be shameful. Not to mention I know more about cars than any guy in my life, I keep up maintenance on my car myself and if I don’t know how to fix something I figure it out. I don’t need a man to EXHAUST himself as you say you do, and MOST girls I know are the same as me. But it is always nice when a gentleman wants to help with heavy bags, but I never ask for or expect chivalry… although I appreciate it in a man’s character if his intent is in the right place. It’s a personality thing, maybe you should focus on more independent girls so you don’t have to exhaust yourself trying to play a heroic gender role for what sounds like a mess of a woman, then maybe you wouldn’t have a dominant issue in the bedroom, then again maybe you have a superiority complex and you like it that way… but why are you complaining about it then?
3.) I love to give head to guys because I get the best power trip. Especially when I look up at them with big eyes like I love it, and they go all crazy on my hair. You’re welcome, I know I’m great. Now, when a guy puts me on my back and goes down I feel so submissive, I’d give him anything he wanted, cooking/cleaning, call me Betty Crocker I’ll do it all. I’ll cook you bacon naked and ask if I can please blow you while you play Call Of Duty. Please let me sit on your d*** I’ll do all the work, just for you, I’m a thruster too, in fact most ladies I know prefer to do the work so they can focus the motion of the ocean on their g-spots. So again, with the doing all the “thrusting” I’m sorry you pick lazy girls, or are you complaining that you exhaust yourself with your superiority complex again?
4.) Not to mention I always consider my partner and keep myself fresh and clean and sometimes involve flavorful spritzs and lubes, I give all my hygienic secrets to my galpals and guys can’t stop raving over how tasty we are… and if I was at the gym I communicate this to my partner and let them know that I could freshen up in the shower quickly, or I ask them if I’m as princess fresh as usual, I won’t be offended by a no, a no = sexy shower time. it’s being smart and open, for example if he was just at the gym I ask him to shower first, communication keeps me from ever having to have sweaty mustard balls near my face. Not to mention filthy man taints, ugh I don’t want to smell you from up here, it’s the only smell worse than your “tuna taco” communicate with your lady tell her to clean up or find someone with good hygiene. Btw all the disrespectful metaphors for the most beautiful flower in the world, really discredit what I think of your sexuality and how educated your opinion sounds.
5.) I don’t know a single person that wants someone to act like they enjoy doing something they don’t, I’ve never asked a guy that didn’t like eating out to do so, that just makes me self conscious about myself as if I have to now have the magical purrfect kitty to prove that it’s not so bad. I just as an independent woman pick out partners who’s minds attract me and usually those minds act in a way that I appreciate. Sounds like you should evaluate who you’re fucking and why…. can you just not get the type of person you deserve so you settle so you, yourself don’t have to be a better person, and then therefore you develop a dominant superiority complex so you exhaust yourself playing a societal gender role so that you feel like a worthy ‘man’
Sounds to me like your trying to justify why girls you get with should accept that you don’t want to go down on them and why society shouldn’t judge you for it, but you’re really just making your self look abrasive and stupid like you’ve been backed into a corner and have something to prove, but sugar it’s common knowledge not all girls give/like to give head, not all guys give/like to give head, every person is a different experience. Some girls want oral so bad, a man who doesn’t do it is a turn off, but trust me, out there is a woman who would love to blow and fuck you with you going down, cook you dinner and not ask you work out your credit card swiping muscles. Be the best you and up your standards and you will find the people that will work with you and are about what your about, but dissing on oral and being rude and having the reasons you have for not doing it, they only make you look like you feel guilty and like you have the worst possible dating/sex life.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, no one does, you don’t have to explain yourself… however you could probably use sex education and therapy, in fact most of western culture could, so don’t feel too bad about it. I’m not a man-hater and I don’t require oral, but I am however offended by this article… but I can say that I can’t be mad at you, it’s simply ignorance of communication and sex education… my sex life is awesome, with or without oral, each different experience I love indulging in the pleasure, must suck to be all weird about things.
11 years ago at 8:01 pmYou misspelled “You’re”…
11 years ago at 8:33 pmThat was the most unintellectual chauvinistic opinion I have ever read in my entire life. No one is required to do anything, ever, but his reasons reveal a lack of communication and education, all while forcing old gender roles and revealing a superiority complex.
1.) Sex isn’t about orgasms, it’s about the experience, is the ending to a story any good if you haven’t read the beginning and middle? Highly unlikely. I, and many other women and men I know, agree that orgasms from oral or “the old-fashioned” way are no good without a wonderful and slow before experience and that many times our best sexual encounters don’t always have the time to get to an orgasm… not to mention all the experience leading up to an orgasm when there is the time, well when that’s good there are usually multiple orgasms each getting better as you go and that is really amazing.
the fact that you give girls an orgasm without oral is irrelevant to your argument.
2.) I and many other girls I know are completely independent. I do not asked to be carried anywhere, I’m an adult I commit to the heels I wear, I swipe my own credit card, I fight my own battles, asking anyone else to would just be shameful. Not to mention I know more about cars than any guy in my life, I keep up maintenance on my car myself and if I don’t know how to fix something I figure it out. I don’t need a man to EXHAUST himself as you say you do, and MOST girls I know are the same as me. But it is always nice when a gentleman wants to help with heavy bags, but I never ask for or expect chivalry… although I appreciate it in a man’s character if his intent is in the right place. It’s a personality thing, maybe you should focus on more independent girls so you don’t have to exhaust yourself trying to play a heroic gender role for what sounds like a mess of a woman, then maybe you wouldn’t have a dominant issue in the bedroom, then again maybe you have a superiority complex and you like it that way… but why are you complaining about it then?
3.) I love to give head to guys because I get the best power trip. Especially when I look up at them with big eyes like I love it, and they go all crazy on my hair. You’re welcome, I know I’m great. Now, when a guy puts me on my back and goes down I feel so submissive, I’d give him anything he wanted, cooking/cleaning, call me Betty Crocker I’ll do it all. I’ll cook you bacon naked and ask if I can please blow you while you play Call Of Duty. Please let me sit on your d*** I’ll do all the work, just for you, I’m a thruster too, in fact most ladies I know prefer to do the work so they can focus the motion of the ocean on their g-spots. So again, with the doing all the “thrusting” I’m sorry you pick lazy girls, or are you complaining that you exhaust yourself with your superiority complex again?
4.) Not to mention I always consider my partner and keep myself fresh and clean and sometimes involve flavorful spritzs and lubes, I give all my hygienic secrets to my galpals and guys can’t stop raving over how tasty we are… and if I was at the gym I communicate this to my partner and let them know that I could freshen up in the shower quickly, or I ask them if I’m as princess fresh as usual, I won’t be offended by a no, a no = sexy shower time. it’s being smart and open, for example if he was just at the gym I ask him to shower first, communication keeps me from ever having to have sweaty mustard balls near my face. Not to mention filthy man taints, ugh I don’t want to smell you from up here, it’s the only smell worse than your “tuna taco” communicate with your lady tell her to clean up or find someone with good hygiene. Btw all the disrespectful metaphors for the most beautiful flower in the world, really discredit what I think of your sexuality and how educated your opinion sounds.
5.) I don’t know a single person that wants someone to act like they enjoy doing something they don’t, I’ve never asked a guy that didn’t like eating out to do so, that just makes me self conscious about myself as if I have to now have the magical purrfect kitty to prove that it’s not so bad. I just as an independent woman pick out partners who’s minds attract me and usually those minds act in a way that I appreciate. Sounds like you should evaluate who you’re fucking and why…. can you just not get the type of person you deserve so you settle so you, yourself don’t have to be a better person, and then therefore you develop a dominant superiority complex so you exhaust yourself playing a societal gender role so that you feel like a worthy ‘man’
Sounds to me like your trying to justify why girls you get with should accept that you don’t want to go down on them and why society shouldn’t judge you for it, but you’re really just making your self look abrasive and stupid like you’ve been backed into a corner and have something to prove, but sugar it’s common knowledge not all girls give/like to give head, not all guys give/like to give head, every person is a different experience. Some girls want oral so bad, a man who doesn’t do it is a turn off, but trust me, out there is a woman who would love to blow and fuck you with you going down, cook you dinner and not ask you work out your credit card swiping muscles. Be the best you and up your standards and you will find the people that will work with you and are about what your about, but dissing on oral and being rude and having the reasons you have for not doing it, they only make you look like you feel insecure and like you have the worst possible dating/sex life.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, no one does, you don’t have to explain yourself… however you could probably use sex education and therapy, in fact most of western culture could, so don’t feel too bad about it. I’m not a man-hater and I don’t require oral, but I am however offended by this article… but I can say that I can’t be mad at you, it’s simply ignorance of communication and sex education… my sex life is awesome, with or without oral, each different experience I love indulging in the pleasure, must suck to be all weird about things.
11 years ago at 8:05 pmYou must be new here…
11 years ago at 8:31 pmyeah for sure you make her come the ‘old-fashioned way’…
11 years ago at 5:51 am[…] Last night I was on the couch watching Bigfoot Hunters as those brave soldiers are going to catch that son of a bitch one of these episodes and I'm sure as hell not going to miss it. Between her eye rolls, my girlfriend, instead of watching potential history unfold before her eyes, sat scrolling through Facebook. Suddenly she hit mute and asked if I had read an article my sister from Chi Town Mommy Mayhem had posted. My reply of course was, "No, I'm watching Bigfoot Hunters. Who has time to take their eyes off of the screen? He could be anywhere." My girlfriend then began to read me the dumbest article I have ever heard entitled, "Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls." […]
11 years ago at 9:20 am50Clock…you are an asshole! Plain and simple! You expect a woman to put your ugly sweaty smelly sausage in her mouth and then you won’t reciprocate it…good luck finding someone to marry you. Just admit the fact that you refuse to go down on a woman because you are more than likely TERRIBLE at it. Good luck with the chicks after this article, hahahaha!!!
11 years ago at 10:05 amlmao you sound like a pussy-ass bitch. and sex with you sounds boring as hellll, time to go a little more wild, kid.
11 years ago at 7:40 pmlol you sound like a pussy-assed bitch. and like you have boring sex. what the hell kid, walk on the wild side for a bit, try some new shit and maybe some new types of ladies.
11 years ago at 7:45 pmI’m glad you don’t eat pussy because that would be cannibalism
11 years ago at 10:26 pmDo you really believe girls enjoy going down on you? That we aren’t also praying for you to come soon so the whole thing can be over? Society doesn’t dictate you enjoy it. Parts of society say you should give a shit about your partners enjoyment. Which is the only reason women do it.
11 years ago at 9:04 am