Woman Calls Cops On Swedish Hipsters She Mistook For ISIS, I’m Not Sure Which Group Is Worse
I’m going to write an actual, professional sounding news lead here (I do actually have a Journalism degree, despite the fact that I have used the word “doodoopuss” in published work on more than one occasion) because this story is so absurd.
“A crowd of Swedish hipster beard club members had the police called on them Saturday after a woman mistook the group for an ISIS terror cell.”
From Independent:
Terror police in Sweden have been called to reports of a group of bearded men in dark clothes raising a black flag above a remote castle.
But instead of Isis militants, officers responding to the scene stumbled across a meeting of an international organisation of beard aficionados.
The Swedish chapter of the “Bearded Villains” met on Saturday for a photo shoot at the ruined castle of Braehus, with members excited to be pictured with the organisation’s black-and-white flag.
And while the group might have looked menacing from a distance, when they got closer police found around 30 young men hugging and laughing dressed in formal clothes, not militant garb.
I mean it when I say I legitimately cannot tell which is a larger threat to American society — ISIS or hipsters. On the one hand, ISIS is out there beheading people left and right. That’s not good. On the other hand, though, hipsters are out there saving animals from being beheaded by going full veghead with their kale chips and gluten-free snickerdoodle soy wafers. For all we know, given time, the animals they’re saving will eventually evolve enough to surpass us humans in terms of sentience and begin to fight back. As for now, I’m going to have to give ISIS the slight edge on the threat front. Don’t count out those sneaky, smelly hipsters just yet, though.
Regardless of which group I would’ve taken the beard club for, I can assure you that I still would’ve called the cops either way and hoped for arrests..
[via Independent]
Image via YouTube
Without question, the good ole USA has the biggest dick when it comes to military capability. The sheer amount of firepower and blatant disregard for giving any fucks when it comes to flexing on other countries has been proven countless times in our history.
We have the best weapons, the coolest gadgets and technologies but the TALOS suit currently being developed has got to be the sweetest addition to our ground troop fleet. This is robo cop on steroids. It is the real life Iron Man and I am sporting an excitement chub just writing about it.
To start and explain for the community college crowd, the TALOS (Tactical Assault Light Operator Suit) suit is an exoskeleton being developed as part of the US Army’s Land Warrior Program. According to SOCOM General Votel, the suit will employ “all aspects of armor, visibility, of communications, of situational awareness, and of weapons” allowing soldiers to have superior protection over 60% of their body, three times more than current coverage, while walking into a shitstorm. The suit will allow soldiers to literally fucking repel bullets, lift heavy objects and supply them with about 12 hours worth of communication electronics.
General Votel is already talking about enhancing the future editions of this still developing suit to include medical sensors, heating and cooling gear as well as the overall ability to simply carry more cool shit without putting strain on the soldier.
Current estimations put the release of the prototype sometime in 2017 and field use as early as 2018. Everyone from military developers to government engineers and scientists to manufacturing corporations to Nike is on board to make sure this suit has some serious Fuck You capabilities.
Although the final price tag isn’t easily calculated, it has been estimated that with research and the cost of the whole Land Warrior Project so far we are somewhere in the half billion dollar range. That being said, I don’t give a shit if it cost another half a billion if it means that our brave soldiers are able to come home in one piece.
Next time you ISIS turds start some shit at your pajama party in your mudshack, just remember, the real life Iron Man will be at the door. Knock knock motherfuckers
9 years ago at 1:04 pmTL;DR
9 years ago at 1:36 pmfuck you. Having a well kept beard does not make me a hipster. Words hurt Devry.
9 years ago at 1:28 pmIt’s difficult to chose which ones worth there’s a special hate in my heart for both I hate Isis because well they’re terrorist and fuck terrorist those towel head mother fuckers can all rot in hell hipsters on the other hand are just an abomination to mankind they’re just Karl Marx pussy minions so really they both should be treated equally in society, like the bundles of shit they are
9 years ago at 1:39 pmWoah, take it easy man
9 years ago at 2:51 pmNot quite. I’d like to torture and retaliate by beheading ISIS. I’m cool just not giving hipsters a job that isn’t at a coffee shop.
9 years ago at 4:45 pmHipsters have jobs?
9 years ago at 4:47 pmMake sure you please them by giving them a job at a coffee shop that isn’t “main stream.”
9 years ago at 4:57 pmWhen leftists freak out over leftists
9 years ago at 3:14 pmSay what you want Devry, but with your beard you would fit right in with those hipsters, and judging by that trash can picture you’re just as smelly. For all we know you’re one of them.
9 years ago at 5:04 pmHipsters are worse because we don’t have legal justification to bomb the shit outta them.
9 years ago at 2:48 am