13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians
Viral list-writing supernova BuzzFeed recently published a list–obviously–that features who we can assume are Canadian citizens asking questions directed at their American neighbors. Some of the questions are rude, too, and seemingly out of nowhere. Got my jimmies mild-to-moderately rustled. A few emboldened Canadians just felt like putting us on blast, I guess. But why? Where is the anger coming from? Why y’all been acting so messed up towards us?
The article, “13 Crude Questions Canadians Have For Americans,” shows 13 pictures of people holding up questions for Americans written on white paper. They range from innocent and jovial to downright offensive. The questions can be seen HERE. They look like this:
I ran a search for the rebuttal article from the United States-headquartered BuzzFeed, you know, “13 Crude Questions Americans Have for Canadians,” because if they are going to rip on their own people, it only makes sense to fire back. Right? But I didn’t find shit! Nothing. Classic BuzzFeed.
I obviously had to write the Americanized rebuttal. Here are 13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians:
- Why are y’all so concerned about what’s going on down here in the States?
- How does it make you feel that 90% of your country is too cold to live in while we’re down here just chillin’ all over the place?
- Does it bother you that people around the world simply think of Canada as America’s boring next door neighbor?
- Why does it look like a 3rd grader designed your flag using Microsoft Paint?
- Biebs is from Canada. Fuck that guy. (Not a question)
- Why don’t you have your own native food? It’s basically just American, right? Like steaks and sandwiches and shit…
- What’s the last movie you saw? It was made in America, wasn’t it?
- Check out this map that shows the population density of Canada. Why y’all trying to be so close to us all the time?
- Why do you get all of our major TV channels but we get none of yours?
- Marry, Fuck, Kill: Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Drake
- Is it true y’all only have sex in the missionary position?
- Does it hurt your feelings that the few cool citizens you have move down here?
- Why are you all so weird and awkward looking (minus Rachel McAdams)?
[via BuzzFeed]
wow thats the best you could think of
10 years ago at 5:10 pmWrite a question.
10 years ago at 5:24 pmWhy do Canadians smell like moose shit?
10 years ago at 5:46 pmWhy does Helmet Stickers have a job?
10 years ago at 5:57 pmHow do you feel that the whole world knows who our leader is, good or bad, but people have to google to find out yours?
10 years ago at 6:15 pmHey Dorn, in this article photo you have on a pretty nice black fleece. What brand is it and is it something I can afford?
10 years ago at 9:54 pmIts part of a costume he bought at Toys R Us.
10 years ago at 6:13 am^under rated
10 years ago at 9:01 amIf you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
10 years ago at 11:25 amHave you ever seen Trailer Park Boys? You ought too
10 years ago at 5:52 amWhy do they say eh?
10 years ago at 9:29 amWe invented poutine, basketball, the telephone, hockey, the zipper, etc, eh.
10 years ago at 5:11 pmBut basketball was invented by James Naismith in 1891 when he was assigned to teach a gym class at a YMCA in Springfield, Mass.
10 years ago at 5:17 pmJames was a Canadian, good sir.
10 years ago at 5:18 pmRecords say he was never inventive until living in America.
10 years ago at 5:22 pmCapitalism gets the creative juices going, unlike socialism.
10 years ago at 6:13 pm*Fedora tip*
10 years ago at 9:15 amThis fuckin’ guy! Y’alls claim to fame is a damn zipper? Here in America we invented the car, nukes, airplanes, tv, internet, pornhub, taco bell, and liquor. Step your game up, Canada.
10 years ago at 5:29 pmTechnically the car is German and liquor is ancient compared to our Constitution. But, taking credit for what you didn’t do. TFM.
10 years ago at 5:34 pmPretty sure the telephone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell, an American, in America.
10 years ago at 9:28 pmCanada did not invent the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell did, guess where? In America.
Naismith was Canadian? Because Canada was such an awesome place to live he moved to the United States.
10 years ago at 9:54 pmEven Naismith knew Canada fucking sucks.
10 years ago at 10:04 pmBasically Canada is to America is the little brother we alway pick on but yet they will always have our back in wars.
10 years ago at 5:12 pmDid you just smash your fingers on the keyboard for this post? Jesus Christ that was brutal to read.
10 years ago at 5:16 pmNot quite sure what you were trying to say there, George. Maybe next time, I guess.
10 years ago at 5:20 pmOh you’re going to be that asshole. Thanks for topping off our troops gas and never leaving the base.
10 years ago at 9:28 pmNobody gives a shit about Canada.
10 years ago at 5:13 pmThat seems a bit much, don’t you think?
10 years ago at 5:17 pmNo
10 years ago at 5:20 pmCanadian^^^
10 years ago at 7:01 pmEver heard of NATO? It’s like a big gang. So technically, it’d be a rationale thing to do to, “give a shit about Canada.” Unless you’re the draft card burning type.
10 years ago at 7:11 amDOOOONT CARRREEEE
10 years ago at 8:31 amWhat about how Canada beat America in the war of 1812?
10 years ago at 7:27 pmCanadians are shitty. I donnnntttt carrrreeee about them either, but if you don’t give a shit about them as a country then essentially you don’t give a shit about this country. If you don’t give a shit about this country well.. isn’t that an indictment of our entire American society?
You can do whatever you want Wormer boy, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.
10 years ago at 9:49 pmDude has a point. And referencing the Otter defense?60% of the time it works every time..
10 years ago at 6:28 amFor crying out loud Dorn, buy a new hat.
10 years ago at 5:14 pmWearing it to the grave.
10 years ago at 5:19 pmLet’s trade Rodge. $100 amazon gift card and a half full bottle of milk thistle. If you ship it today I’ll even throw in a couple .308 shells.
10 years ago at 7:20 amThe fuck?
10 years ago at 9:03 amI was attempting to establish some sort of an accord with Mr. Cheverere, for his hat. It’s gonna be the first episode of my new hit show, “Fraternal: Pawn Stars.”
10 years ago at 9:55 pmMillion dollar idea with a five dollar execution Adorno
10 years ago at 5:16 pmWhat in God’s name, is wrong with your fucking bacon? “Eh” that commie bastards
10 years ago at 7:57 pmI read this 5 times and still have no idea what you’re trying to say.
10 years ago at 8:14 pmTheir bacon (Canadian) is terrible and they say eh a lot
10 years ago at 9:46 amHaving great ideas, but not giving enough fucks to see them through TFM
10 years ago at 4:42 pmDid they find these people at the ‘Too Liberal to Function in Society’ convention?
10 years ago at 5:23 pmReally Peter? You may have to come in on Saturday after that one.
10 years ago at 10:01 pmTake a lap
10 years ago at 9:02 amThere’s a button for that
10 years ago at 9:19 amDon’t forget to mention that they somehow found 7 minorities in Canada, a country that is 77% European and 14% Asian… (there were no Asians asked, I guess they were too smart to be asking questions)
10 years ago at 12:17 pmThe legal drinking age here is 18…
10 years ago at 5:29 pmYeah it’s called a fake id. And the drinking age is 18 in Louisiana too.
10 years ago at 5:34 pmNo its not
10 years ago at 8:57 pmFireball is Canadian
10 years ago at 9:46 amMaybe the legal drinking age is 18 because your government knows it’s a nation filled with burnouts.
10 years ago at 9:25 pmYou still drink like pussies
10 years ago at 6:10 amYou’re on an American web site. Fuck off Canada. We could take over anytime we want to.
10 years ago at 11:01 amI don’t trust any country that has a large French-speaking population.
10 years ago at 5:29 pmThe French are isolated to one province and we hate them too.
10 years ago at 6:01 pmCareful, I think Dorn is French-American.
10 years ago at 7:41 pmBetter list (which means a lot, considering it’s still a shitty list):
10 years ago at 5:31 pm1. How does it feel to be regarded as being even bigger pussies than Euros?
2. Why did you let the Frenchists make French a state-recognized language?
3. Why didn’t your CIA-equivalent make sure Bieber suffered a fatal moose-riding accident?
4. How do you make your cops so chill? (Honestly, Canadian police are cool)
5. Why does all your native cuisine look like American food that Celine Dione shat on with dysentery?
6. How does it feel that your native sport is being dominated by a bunch of pussy Californians?
7. When will you take SFPL back?
8. What wars have you won?
9. How does it feel to be responsible for one of the biggest traditional espionage cases to hit the West in recent times?
10. Why are you relevant?
This is terrible. Be ashamed.
10 years ago at 5:38 pmI think your mother feels enough shame about you that shame is still in my AP, not AR.
10 years ago at 5:46 pmI am actually waiting on an answer to #7
10 years ago at 6:00 pmA: They are not relevant and have never been relevant throughout the entire span of history.
10 years ago at 9:22 pm