13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians

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Viral list-writing supernova BuzzFeed recently published a list–obviously–that features who we can assume are Canadian citizens asking questions directed at their American neighbors. Some of the questions are rude, too, and seemingly out of nowhere. Got my jimmies mild-to-moderately rustled. A few emboldened Canadians just felt like putting us on blast, I guess. But why? Where is the anger coming from? Why y’all been acting so messed up towards us?

The article, “13 Crude Questions Canadians Have For Americans,” shows 13 pictures of people holding up questions for Americans written on white paper. They range from innocent and jovial to downright offensive. The questions can be seen HERE. They look like this:

Nice grammar, you Canadian dickbag.
Nice grammar, you Canadian dickbag.

I ran a search for the rebuttal article from the United States-headquartered BuzzFeed, you know, “13 Crude Questions Americans Have for Canadians,” because if they are going to rip on their own people, it only makes sense to fire back. Right? But I didn’t find shit! Nothing. Classic BuzzFeed.

I obviously had to write the Americanized rebuttal. Here are 13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians:

  1. Why are y’all so concerned about what’s going on down here in the States?
  2. How does it make you feel that 90% of your country is too cold to live in while we’re down here just chillin’ all over the place?
  3. Does it bother you that people around the world simply think of Canada as America’s boring next door neighbor?
  4. Why does it look like a 3rd grader designed your flag using Microsoft Paint?
  5. Biebs is from Canada. Fuck that guy. (Not a question)
  6. Why don’t you have your own native food? It’s basically just American, right? Like steaks and sandwiches and shit…
  7. What’s the last movie you saw? It was made in America, wasn’t it?
  8. Check out this map that shows the population density of Canada. Why y’all trying to be so close to us all the time?

    Screen Shot 2014-11-05 at 4.07.23 PM

  9. Why do you get all of our major TV channels but we get none of yours?
  10. Marry, Fuck, Kill: Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Drake
  11. Is it true y’all only have sex in the missionary position?
  12. Does it hurt your feelings that the few cool citizens you have move down here?
  13. Why are you all so weird and awkward looking (minus Rachel McAdams)?

[via BuzzFeed]

      1. stanhope scott

        How do you feel that the whole world knows who our leader is, good or bad, but people have to google to find out yours?

        10 years ago at 6:15 pm
      2. Joe Willie

        Hey Dorn, in this article photo you have on a pretty nice black fleece. What brand is it and is it something I can afford?

        10 years ago at 9:54 pm
    1. 30RackFrat

      But basketball was invented by James Naismith in 1891 when he was assigned to teach a gym class at a YMCA in Springfield, Mass.

      10 years ago at 5:17 pm
    2. Dornos_Parole_Officer

      This fuckin’ guy! Y’alls claim to fame is a damn zipper? Here in America we invented the car, nukes, airplanes, tv, internet, pornhub, taco bell, and liquor. Step your game up, Canada.

      10 years ago at 5:29 pm
      1. FrattyTrappings

        Technically the car is German and liquor is ancient compared to our Constitution. But, taking credit for what you didn’t do. TFM.

        10 years ago at 5:34 pm
    3. Bigfrock

      Pretty sure the telephone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell, an American, in America.

      10 years ago at 9:28 pm
    4. ChiefDancesWithWhiskey

      Canada did not invent the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell did, guess where? In America.

      Naismith was Canadian? Because Canada was such an awesome place to live he moved to the United States.

      10 years ago at 9:54 pm
  1. GeorgeH31

    Basically Canada is to America is the little brother we alway pick on but yet they will always have our back in wars.

    10 years ago at 5:12 pm
    1. Mad Fratter

      Did you just smash your fingers on the keyboard for this post? Jesus Christ that was brutal to read.

      10 years ago at 5:16 pm
    2. Dick_Nixon

      Not quite sure what you were trying to say there, George. Maybe next time, I guess.

      10 years ago at 5:20 pm
    3. Fratagonia6969

      Oh you’re going to be that asshole. Thanks for topping off our troops gas and never leaving the base.

      10 years ago at 9:28 pm
    1. TheDeVRyGuYshostage

      Ever heard of NATO? It’s like a big gang. So technically, it’d be a rationale thing to do to, “give a shit about Canada.” Unless you’re the draft card burning type.

      10 years ago at 7:11 am
      1. TheDeVRyGuYshostage

        Canadians are shitty. I donnnntttt carrrreeee about them either, but if you don’t give a shit about them as a country then essentially you don’t give a shit about this country. If you don’t give a shit about this country well.. isn’t that an indictment of our entire American society?

        You can do whatever you want Wormer boy, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

        10 years ago at 9:49 pm
      2. OtisAHazebrook1880

        Dude has a point. And referencing the Otter defense?60% of the time it works every time..

        10 years ago at 6:28 am
      1. TheDeVRyGuYshostage

        Let’s trade Rodge. $100 amazon gift card and a half full bottle of milk thistle. If you ship it today I’ll even throw in a couple .308 shells.

        10 years ago at 7:20 am
      2. TheDeVRyGuYshostage

        I was attempting to establish some sort of an accord with Mr. Cheverere, for his hat. It’s gonna be the first episode of my new hit show, “Fraternal: Pawn Stars.”

        10 years ago at 9:55 pm
    1. FratOrFrat

      What in God’s name, is wrong with your fucking bacon? “Eh” that commie bastards

      10 years ago at 7:57 pm
  2. Peter Griffin

    Did they find these people at the ‘Too Liberal to Function in Society’ convention?

    10 years ago at 5:23 pm
    1. Fratasaurus

      Don’t forget to mention that they somehow found 7 minorities in Canada, a country that is 77% European and 14% Asian… (there were no Asians asked, I guess they were too smart to be asking questions)

      10 years ago at 12:17 pm
    1. notpreppyfratty

      Yeah it’s called a fake id. And the drinking age is 18 in Louisiana too.

      10 years ago at 5:34 pm
    2. Fratagonia6969

      Maybe the legal drinking age is 18 because your government knows it’s a nation filled with burnouts.

      10 years ago at 9:25 pm
      1. Fratstar1296

        You’re on an American web site. Fuck off Canada. We could take over anytime we want to.

        10 years ago at 11:01 am
  3. FrattyTrappings

    Better list (which means a lot, considering it’s still a shitty list):
    1. How does it feel to be regarded as being even bigger pussies than Euros?
    2. Why did you let the Frenchists make French a state-recognized language?
    3. Why didn’t your CIA-equivalent make sure Bieber suffered a fatal moose-riding accident?
    4. How do you make your cops so chill? (Honestly, Canadian police are cool)
    5. Why does all your native cuisine look like American food that Celine Dione shat on with dysentery?
    6. How does it feel that your native sport is being dominated by a bunch of pussy Californians?
    7. When will you take SFPL back?
    8. What wars have you won?
    9. How does it feel to be responsible for one of the biggest traditional espionage cases to hit the West in recent times?
    10. Why are you relevant?

    10 years ago at 5:31 pm
      1. FrattyTrappings

        I think your mother feels enough shame about you that shame is still in my AP, not AR.

        10 years ago at 5:46 pm
    1. Fratagonia6969

      A: They are not relevant and have never been relevant throughout the entire span of history.

      10 years ago at 9:22 pm