13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians
Viral list-writing supernova BuzzFeed recently published a list–obviously–that features who we can assume are Canadian citizens asking questions directed at their American neighbors. Some of the questions are rude, too, and seemingly out of nowhere. Got my jimmies mild-to-moderately rustled. A few emboldened Canadians just felt like putting us on blast, I guess. But why? Where is the anger coming from? Why y’all been acting so messed up towards us?
The article, “13 Crude Questions Canadians Have For Americans,” shows 13 pictures of people holding up questions for Americans written on white paper. They range from innocent and jovial to downright offensive. The questions can be seen HERE. They look like this:
I ran a search for the rebuttal article from the United States-headquartered BuzzFeed, you know, “13 Crude Questions Americans Have for Canadians,” because if they are going to rip on their own people, it only makes sense to fire back. Right? But I didn’t find shit! Nothing. Classic BuzzFeed.
I obviously had to write the Americanized rebuttal. Here are 13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians:
- Why are y’all so concerned about what’s going on down here in the States?
- How does it make you feel that 90% of your country is too cold to live in while we’re down here just chillin’ all over the place?
- Does it bother you that people around the world simply think of Canada as America’s boring next door neighbor?
- Why does it look like a 3rd grader designed your flag using Microsoft Paint?
- Biebs is from Canada. Fuck that guy. (Not a question)
- Why don’t you have your own native food? It’s basically just American, right? Like steaks and sandwiches and shit…
- What’s the last movie you saw? It was made in America, wasn’t it?
- Check out this map that shows the population density of Canada. Why y’all trying to be so close to us all the time?
- Why do you get all of our major TV channels but we get none of yours?
- Marry, Fuck, Kill: Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Drake
- Is it true y’all only have sex in the missionary position?
- Does it hurt your feelings that the few cool citizens you have move down here?
- Why are you all so weird and awkward looking (minus Rachel McAdams)?
[via BuzzFeed]
How long has it been since one of your teams won a Stanley Cup?
10 years ago at 5:34 pmThe Montreal Canadiens in 1993. The old saying goes (in reference to the Stanley Cup) “Canadian free since ’93!”
10 years ago at 5:52 pm14. Canadian bacon is not bacon, why the fuck did you think you could make bacon your own?
10 years ago at 5:44 pmOnly Americans refer to it as Canadian bacon, we call it peameal bacon.
10 years ago at 6:41 pmIt’s still not bacon whether it has Canadian in front of it or not
10 years ago at 8:06 pmIt’s Canadian bacon because it is inferior to our bacon jackass
10 years ago at 9:16 pmYou call it peameal bacon like that makes it better.
10 years ago at 12:37 pmWhy do they have so many hot women? So many of them are dimes.
10 years ago at 5:46 pmGo to Canada a lot, not really true.
10 years ago at 6:16 pmMy answers for the Canadians:
10 years ago at 5:54 pm1. It’s called patriotism, look it up
2. Cause we fucking love BIG. Ever seen a pair of huge fucking titties? Then you wouldn’t question us.
3. Sorry you don’t like sex and drugs, I can’t help you
4. If someone wants/needs healthcare, they should buy it themselves. I shouldn’t have to pay for someone else’s healthcare just because I succeeded in life.
5. I don’t even know what that means, someone help me out
6. I don’t know what “proper American” or “Spanish” stereotypes are, you just might be a racist (do you mean rich people and beaners?)
7. We kill terrorists because they present a threat to the people of our country. Unfortunately, sometimes those who are not threats become collateral, and that is actually a shame. (PS- what do you call the son of a terrorist? A future terrorist.)
8. Read the second amendment and then come back to me
9. You are literally to stupid to insult
10. Fair point, but they do it because they assume it will get them better ratings and in turn more money. That’s capitalism.
11. Why don’t you wear actual clothes? Cause it’s just easier to go with whatever’s right in front of you
12. There is. Unfortunately, in a two party system often times the most radical views are the ones that are the most apparent.
13. Cause I’d rather drink beer and eat Chick-fil-a then worry about arteriosclerosis
I too answered their questions
10 years ago at 6:06 pm1. Because we’re proud to be American, where at least we know we’re free!
2. Go big or go home.
3. Justin Bieber and Drake. Canada has its own filth you idiot.Good job, you pulled a #6 with your stereotype of Americans.
4. Yeah, we prefer not to fall behind in the medical world. Also, we’re not socialists, despite what Obama thinks.
5. Ebola isn’t half the problem people seem to think it is.
6. Aren’t perpetuating a stereotype right now by accusing “Americans” of perpetuating stereotypes!?! Also, you have a bull ring ‪#‎ratchet‬
7. Because terrorist little boys grow up to be terrorist men. Nip it in the bud early. Also, we don’t target children you ignorant B&$(%
8. Because we believe in freedom and the right to bear arms. ‪#‎GunOwnershipDetersViolentCrime‬
9. Because that would be called discrimination, jerry curl. Seriously haven’t seen more ignorance rolled into one sentence in my entire life.
10. Actually, this one makes perfect sense. No argument here.
11. Because we’re not extreme skeptics and we have an innate ability to accept facts when we see them.
12. There is plenty of middle ground if you actually pay attention and don’t pull a #6 with your sweeping generalizations.
13. Rob Ford. Game, set, match! Another #6 was pulled here as well. ‪#‎Ignorance‬
This is what the entire article should have been. Well said
10 years ago at 5:57 amHoly fuck I hate Canada.
10 years ago at 6:04 pmMaybe next time buzzfeed should wait until the employed people are off work and can answer as well.
10 years ago at 6:19 pmCanada is America’s little brother that people only deal with because they’re afraid the big brother will kick the shit out of them.
10 years ago at 6:22 pmMarry Drake Fuck Bieber Kill Celine Dion
drake because he’s the only ok one
10 years ago at 6:26 pmbieber because i’d prefer to make him a shell of what he used to be than kill him
celine dion because fuck celine dion
You literally killed the only girl. Fuck you
10 years ago at 8:58 pm#14. “What’s it like living next to the greatest country on Earth?”
10 years ago at 6:28 pmWhy is Canada America’s hat
10 years ago at 6:34 pm