28 Hilarious And Depressing Reasons Over Which People Admitted To Having Sex

28 Hilarious And Depressing Reasons Over Which People Admitted To Having Sex

Have you ever had sex and immediately thought, “Man, I wish I hadn’t done that?”

Me neither.

That’s why this thread of answers was so thrilling to me. A group of internet strangers admitted to some of the worst reasons they have had sex in the past. Take notes, boys. This shit could come in handy one day.

From Reddit:

She was in a leg cast and thought what a challenge

Trying to picture this. Failing.

Because she was there, and she kind of followed me home.
Me: “I’m gonna bounce”
Her: “Great, I love your place.”
Me: “Okay”

Too much effort to kick her out.

I needed a place to crash for the night

Women make great innkeepers.

Because I’d spent the prior couple hours certain that her better looking friend/roommate was trying to get me into a threesome. Hot friend said I should leave the party and go back to their place. Hot friend was playing wingman for her friend. By this time I was already deep enough in it that I thought maybe I’d still have a chance with hot friend.

The long con.

She drove a long distance to meet me.

More than five miles = sex every time.

He asked very politely.

“Excuse me, ma’am. Can I please fuck your brains out?”

I had sex with a girl to cover up my gayness to my friends

I have a feeling it didn’t work.

Because I was too lazy to give him a blowjob

You’re a monster.

My buddy bet me a case of Shiner i wouldn’t.

Nothing ever goes wrong with a case of Shiner.

Because her name was Storm.
I walked around drunkenly that night, telling all my buddies I had “the X-man dick.”

This should be filed under “Good Reason.”

For tacos. A FWB had some tacos and I said come over and bring them. He showed up and hadn’t brought the tacos because he assumed I was using it as an excuse to invite him over. I still had sex with him but I was pretty upset about not getting a taco.

I don’t fuck if tacos haven’t been properly dispersed among consenting parties.

It was the last girl I hooked up with before I met my fiancee. She wasn’t too great looking, but I was drunk and horny and she grabbed my package in the bar, so why not.
It’s kind of a fucked up story actually. So we get back to her place with her roommates, one of them being a guy who was hanging out with us that night. Her and I start going at it and this chick is loud. Everyone in the house could obviously hear us. A couple minutes later the dude starts banging on the door yelling at us, asking what the fuck is going on and telling us to shut the fuck up. She has a moment of realization and says “oh my god what am I doing? He and I are dating”. I felt so bad. I messaged the guy the next day and told him how sorry I was. I’m guessing things didn’t work out between them.

What did he think y’all were doing?

“Hey my slutty friend wants to fuck you”… no words were exchanged.

How charitable.

Consoling her during an emotional breakdown. In the middle of going through all the reasons why she’s a terrible human being and failure, she gets to not being attractive and that noone will ever want her. Insisting on how good she’s looking, she’s suddenly turning this into a sexual advance. I didn’t want to have sex and thought she wasn’t in the state to decide, but I felt rejecting her would crush her even more.

This seems wrong.

Because she surprised me by waiting naked in my room for me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t think she was all that. She wasn’t ugly or repulsive, so why hurt her feelings?

You have to appreciate the effort.

She cooked me a steak

That’s the one you marry.

Her boyfriend broke up with her (literally 30 minutes before calling me), she was in tears, and she “needed someone to cuddle with”.
We cuddled… for about 5 seconds before she started rubbing my dick.
Funnily enough, it seemed like it actually did help her forget about her ex so… mission accomplished? Ladies, I’m here for you

You’re a great friend.

I had already slept with both of her roommates and just felt like I should.

Gotta catch ‘em all.

Because it was the ex’s mother.

There is no bad reason to fuck a mom. Unless it’s your own.

because she wouldnt stop trying to put my wang in her mouth.
a bunch of us at a party were laying down to go to sleep in a room and she kept trying to crawl under my blanket on the floor. eventually i just said fuck it.

This sounds… embellished.

I had a girl pay my month’s bill if I had sex with her. My month’s bill at the time was $45.. she was a 5.5/10.

That’s a pretty pathetic prostitution rate you got there.

Pity. He didn’t get anyone, so I had sex with him.
It was the worst sex of my life.

That’s the Steve Holt way.

This dude was pissing me off all night, and I noticed he was trying way too hard to sleep with this one girl, so when he was off getting a drink, I started talking to her. Didn’t even like her, just wanted to piss the dude off.

I bet it was a satisfying fuck.

Heard she had one of those oversized clits that look like a little dick. Had to see that shit.

Why would you want to deal with that?

There was a blizzard out and I didn’t have any cash and didn’t want to walk to the atm or wait for the night bus. So I told this dude I’d fuck him at my place (we were at a party) if he paid for the cab. It was -35 that night so totally worth. There’s über now though so I don’t have to do that anymore.

What a deal.

I met her on tinder and went over to her place. She opened the door and didn’t really look like her pictures. It was too late and I was past the point of no return so I just sucked it up and went for it. It wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t my proudest moment.

Tinder fucking sucks.

They had the same name as me.
I thought it would be cool to moan my name during sex.
It was.

Was it “Kevin” or “Jared?”

He had cable and I wanted to watch Fargo. Worth it.

Fargo is a classic.

Was in a computer science class. Was not a computer science major. I really struggled in the labs. I noticed that a lot of the students were not willing to help each other because they felt that it was “their code” even though everyone’s code was meant to be exactly the same. There was a girl who sat next to me during the lab. TL;DR I invited her out one weekend ended up Making The Beast With Two Backs and she helped me the rest of the semester. Did well in the class after that.

That’s how real men pass tough classes.

To read more replies from this hilarious and occasionally depressing thread, click HERE.

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[via Reddit]

Image via YouTube

  1. InHoc04

    Never thought I would say this, but compared to Wally Byron and the Intern, Steve is a welcome relief.

    8 years ago at 2:54 pm
    1. juliepowell52

      I leave my 9 to 5 j0b and now I am getting paid 92 usd hourly.How? I work-oover internet! My old work WOk was making me miserable,so I was f0rced to try-s0mething NEW. One year after…I can say my life is changed-c0mpletely for the better! Check it out what i do ————– http://wwwonlinebucket44.tk

      8 years ago at 10:11 am
    1. GeebsNotGeeds

      We have no forums so I’ll just ask here: Between Steve and Dorno’s moms who do we think has the highest rate of pipe/day?

      8 years ago at 3:07 pm
      1. Fraddington_bear

        Dorns, bc she’s been known to take 2 at a time to help keep her numbers up.

        8 years ago at 3:09 pm
      2. GeebsNotGeeds

        Allegedly Steve’s mother has a spitroast for breakfast every morning so that might help her stay competitive.

        8 years ago at 5:44 pm
  2. Charlie Hustle

    “Hey Dorn, you got any ideas for interesting content today?”

    “Fuck it honestly, I got nothing”

    “Alright, I’ll just tell Dan to comb Reddit and copy/paste a thread into an article”

    8 years ago at 3:12 pm
  3. ZeteNJ

    So the one where she realized mid fuck that she was dating her roommate, did she still let the guy finish? That was my first concern.

    8 years ago at 3:56 pm
  4. kannewall

    Every girl that looks at blow jobs like a job should really get their shit together. They wonder why the “favor” doesn’t get returned…well if you act put out, treat it like a chore, and half ass the whole goddamn thing, chances are your blowjobs suck. It’s not that hard to learn how to love giving blowjobs, and to teach yourself how to do it right. But until you stop asking him, begrudgingly, “are you almost done yet” while rolling your eyes-mid bj – I promise your “favor” won’t be returned… It’s not even a favor it’s supposed to be fun for everyone.

    8 years ago at 5:29 pm
      1. kannewall

        I can’t, I’m sorry the shit app doesn’t let me post pictures. Otherwise I am positive I would.

        8 years ago at 12:15 am
  5. 1_Rugey_Jentelman

    Eh, I’ll share mine. She was going to sleep in the vacant room with only a mattress. I invited her into my room with the drunken line, “My room has a pillow… And a blanket. If you want.” So we banged. Worst bang ever.

    8 years ago at 7:47 pm