40 Things College Girls Say And What They Actually Mean
Through my years of dealing with women, I have occasionally made the mistake of taking what a girl has said at face value. Through experience, I have learned that there is always more than meets the eye, especially when dealing with college-aged women.
Thus, I’ve compiled a short thesaurus of the most commonly uttered phrases of the modern college girl, and what they actually mean. This is backed by medical science (aka a psych major I used to bang).
- I’m busy this week: I am not interested, and I don’t have time for you. I’d rather sit and scroll through my Pinterest feed than hang out.
- I don’t care: I deeply, deeply care and I’m either in total denial or trying to project an image of strength, when in reality I probably stay up at night looking through old pictures shoveling while Ben & Jerry’s down my throat.
- He’s a douchebag: I’m actually very sexually attracted to him.
- I only date _____ guys: – I suck.
- I’m a psychology major: If I lit $50,000 on fire, the heat it generated would be worth more than this degree. Also, I will try to fuck with your head.
- I just woke up: Yeah, I didn’t feel like talking to you.
- We are soulmates: I’m into you and trying to gauge how much you like me. Tell me I’m pretty God dammit! TELL ME YOU LIKE ME.
- I Hate You: I Love You
- I’ve gotta go: I have another guy lined up.
- I’m not hungry: I’m not comfortable eating around you and I don’t want you to think I’m a fat ass.
- My new Instagram pic got 200 likes: I’m insecure.
- He’s creepy: He’s not attractive.
- We shouldn’t have sex yet: I’m still getting D from another guy, or I don’t view you as a viable sexual being, so I’m going to push these free meals as far as they’ll go.
- I feel fat: If you don’t tell me I’m skinny right this instant, I fucking hate you.
- I’m not hooking up with you: I’m going to hook up with you, and I’m saying this solely to test you.
- I went on a mission trip to Guadalaharalopa: Seriously, did you like see that Instagram picture of me smiling next to that poor boy? I’m pretty much the female Gandhi.
- Tonight is girls night: I’m going to sip Franzia and gossip about your performance in bed.
- I’m an education major: These hands that will shape the future minds of America will be wrapped firmly around your dong later tonight.
- My period is late: I am testing your composure.
- Haha yeah: Please fuck off.
- Where do you see this going? All of the texts you send me for the next hour will be sent to my friend group chat.
- My friends are sluts but I’m not like them: I am very much a slut, but I justify it because I’ve been with marginally fewer guys than my friends have.
- I’ve only been with X guys: I have been with (2.5)X guys.
- He’s such a player: I want to fix him and make him mine.
- I’m a nursing major: I want to fuck, but I have a 5 a.m. clinical, so best I can do is a half-hearted hand job.
- I really like concerts and music festivals: I have been fingered several dozen times in concert venues.
- I don’t usually do that: I do that quite often.
- I’ve been told I give really good head: I have sucked enough dicks to know this.
- I only had a few drinks and chilled: I very nearly blacked out and grinded my ass right off.
- I am so over him: I miss him, and drowning my sorrows in other D isn’t helping.
- I’m a business major: I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I’m hoping I’ll meet someone with their shit together in this major.
- I think we should take it slower: You suck at sex, so I want to see if I can turn you into a meal ticket.
- I’m like one of the guys: I’m trying to compensate for my unfortunate face.
- Don’t talk to him. He’s a tiny dick douchebag: He’s a sexual god and nobody can have him if I can’t.
- You only care about sex: I fell under your spell and just became aware of it, so please say something to make me not feel like a slut.
- I was drunk. It just happened: I make terrible decisions and I will do this again in the future, and if you stay with me you’re a total chump.
- I don’t take birth control: It’s 2015 and I don’t take a miracle pill that actively prevents pregnancy, because reasons.
- Do you have a condom? I hate fun.
- I have a boyfriend, but it’s kind of complicated: I might as well not have a boyfriend.
- I don’t care if he’s fucking other girls already: I want to bite all their heads off like a black widow..
“My friends need me to go” – Steve Holt just matched me on tinder so I am going to his place to bang.
9 years ago at 12:45 pm“Steve Holt just matched me on tinder so I’m going to his place to bang” – north of 300 pounds with a penis
9 years ago at 3:09 pmWhere is the comment that says “I do butt stuff”
9 years ago at 2:12 pmMaybe the most (depressingly? meh sluts) accurate column on female behavior I’ve read on this website.
9 years ago at 2:14 pmtl;dr : girls are manipulative duplicitous sluts if you’re an attractive male
9 years ago at 2:15 pmI’m fine with being casual: I’m not fine with it at all but I think this is what you want to hear and might be able to trick you into a relationship at some point
9 years ago at 2:41 pm“Oh yeah, I don’t want a relationship either” I’m a Comm major and I desperately need a man to pay my bills
9 years ago at 2:48 pmNo means yes; yes means anal
9 years ago at 5:04 pmI’m not ready for a relationship, but maybe in the future: I want to keep you around because I need attention.
9 years ago at 6:16 pm41. “NO” yes
9 years ago at 9:55 pmNumber 15 is freaking me out, Hans.
9 years ago at 5:42 pm