40 Things GDIs Should Know About Greeks

1. We are going to take up the whole sidewalk when we walk to class. Longboard accordingly.

2. We’re too hungover to give a shit about your pamphlet, don’t try to hand one to us.

3. There’s a bike lane. Use it.

4. We don’t pay for our friends, we pay to not have to hang out with people like you.

5. Your 1.5 keg house party stories aren’t impressive to us at all.

6. Stop asking so many fucking questions at the end of class.

7. If we’re doing a group project, don’t schedule meetings at 10PM on a Saturday.

8. We have our awesome bars, you have your hipster bars. Keep it separate.

9. We aren’t sure why you would ever choose to be an RA, but we’re guessing it’s an inherent love for the men’s room communal showers.

10. We don’t understand why you feel the need to have so many pockets on your shorts.

11. We instantly label you as “douchebag” when we see that Affliction shirt.

12. Sorority girls laugh behind your back when you try to hit on them.

13. You spend the summer back home jerking off thrice daily. We spend the summer sailfishing in the Florida Keys.

14. We all think you should get a haircut.

15. You call us conformists. We call you socially inept.

16. If you’re going to “occupy” somewhere, at least do it quietly. After a rough night our well being depends on our ability to sleep until noon.

17. We get excited for Sunday Funday. You get excited for Pizza Tuesdays at the on campus dining hall.

18. The entire road is not a bike lane, and I won’t hesitate to knock your ass over if you treat it as such.

19. We drink more than you. I promise.

20. We don’t think a heterosexual guy should ever go to a tanning bed.

21. You drank three beers at your house before the football game. We did six consecutive upside-down margarita shots. Who do you think is going to have more fun?

22. You gave blood once. Our chapters give thousands of dollars to charity while simultaneously hosting a sloppy shitshow of an event.

23. If you’re an intramural referee, and don’t want to get yelled at, MAKE BETTER CALLS.

24. Don’t take any of the seats in the back row of class, those are reserved for us.

25. We can get away with anything while you get sent to Student Conduct for having a six pack of imports in your dorm room.

26. No matter what your excuse is for skipping rush, it isn’t a good one.

27. If you saw the fantastically slutty things girls pass off as “clothes” at socials, you wouldn’t laugh at our ridiculous outfits.

28. Our shorts aren’t too short, yours are just too long.

29. You can put all the Greek letters in the world in your title, but your little collective of 20 Pre-Law students will never be anything more than an insignificant club.

30. Finding a hot sorority girl is as easy as finding a reason to hate Lebron James. Finding a hot GDI girl is as likely as winning the lottery while simultaneously getting struck by three bolts of lightning.

31. If you’re the one that played five Nickelback songs in a row at the bar last night, fuck you.

32. You don’t go to the best bars until your 21st birthday. We’ve been getting in for years.

33. Think of the most beer you’ve ever bought. Then multiply it by ten. You now have an average night’s worth of alcohol at the fraternity house.

34. We have more respect for our dogs than we do for you.

35. If we have to present a group project in class, we’ll take care of the talking.

36. It’s a lot easier to get good grades when your test bank goes all the way back to 1985.

37. If your life ambition is to become a TA, we hope you learn to actually speak English first.

38. You might think we have a few things in common. I assure you, we don’t.

39. You might think you understand what we’re all about. You don’t.

40. Yes, we actually are better than you.

    1. BronerJams03

      RisingFratstar? Does that imply that you’re in High School? If so, go back to getting your sloppy hand-jobs from Sally under the bleachers, this is big boy time.

      12 years ago at 12:35 pm
    2. Mashholder Stu

      Whoa ddi Craig from Sigma Delt write this, I heard he drinks a lot, I’m gonna go back with everyone else and continue laughing at these disilusioned motherfuckers

      12 years ago at 12:26 am
    1. Frat A Hayek

      ^Says a goddamn Pike? Didn’t your opinion privilege get revoked on bid day?

      12 years ago at 6:29 pm
    2. To The Hazement

      I’m guessing you are new here? considering you have no idea who the piker is. Take a lap champ.

      12 years ago at 6:33 pm
  1. DavidAllanBro

    I use a bike when going to class and only use the sidewalk….fuck the bike lane. You got a problem, boy?

    12 years ago at 11:46 am
    1. AndrewJacksonFaF

      GDIs hate Nickelback as much as everyone else. Being able to sit through 5 back to back plays of Nickelback just so GDIs can suffer. TFM.

      12 years ago at 12:34 pm
    2. anon7472974648

      ^^^ You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, “I like it when balls are in my face?”

      But seriously, Nickelback, and their wannabe-Kurt Cobain-whining and target demographic of 45-year-old divorcees, provides unheard of amounts of unintentional comedy (UIC), and I can appreciate that.

      12 years ago at 2:32 pm
  2. Tommy Brohamaa

    You forgot; Do not try to tell us how your Prius is saving the world and is cool. It isn’t.

    12 years ago at 11:51 am
  3. Wilco Frat

    I submitted #4 as a TFM like 6 months ago and it never got published. I’m going to go cry into my pillow.

    12 years ago at 11:51 am
    1. Wilco Frat

      I really hope Fratdusky could come cheer me up…maybe then I’ll have a cool story to tell, AMIRIGHT??

      12 years ago at 8:25 pm
    1. SAEthatisG

      Exactly, I bet your shorts are too short, and look more like spanky boxer briefs than shorts. I bet your visor is incredibly too tight and is probably a Masters visor because, we get it, you went to the Masters. And probably have some dumbs neon crokey around your neck, because, again we get it, you are wearing sunglasses

      12 years ago at 12:16 pm
    2. McC0y

      Instead of creating an account on a website dedicated to Greek humor, reading a column on said website, and then commenting about how much you disagree with the website and the column, why don’t you put on a fresh pair of cargo shorts and drink a nice glass of shut the fuck up?

      12 years ago at 3:10 pm
    3. Join_Or_Die

      Thank you McCoy. I’ve thought almost all of these things before, they are all funny and usually true

      12 years ago at 3:42 pm
    4. Badigeons

      Trying to be elitist in a buzzfeed-style list makes this guy sound like as much of a tool as the affliction-wearing douchebags.

      10 years ago at 6:42 pm
  4. TheFrasters

    GDIs say “Sunday Funday” Our kind just refer to it as Sunday, the fun is implied.

    12 years ago at 11:55 am