42 Ideas For Your Sex Bucket List

Sex Bucket List

Everyone needs a sexual bucket list. No, not a pornographic parody of the mediocre 2007 Jack Nicholson film The Bucket List, I mean a list of things you want to do in your sex life before you eventually die of alcohol poisoning at 31 years old.

Need some tips to spice up your love life? Well here’s some ideas for your sexual bucket list. You should do all these things in bed before you eventually bite the bullet and kick the bucket one day. Put these items on your fucket list.

  1. Try S&M.
  2. Watch porn with your girl.
  3. Use toys in bed (not sex toys – old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures).
  4. Have a threesome.
  5. Have a foursome.
  6. Have a fivesome.
  7. Have an elevensome.
  8. Build a time machine, go back in time to ancient Greece to participate in their excessive orgies.
  9. Try a golden shower (I mean literally take a shower in a shower that’s golden – don’t pee on your girl, you sick fuck).
  10. If you DO pee on your girl, make sure you also record covers of the “Ignition” remix and “I Believe I Can Fly.”
  11. Make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian.
  12. Make a sex tape with Ray J.
  13. Make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian AND Ray J, then rob them at gunpoint afterwards and use all that money to buy a PS4.
  14. Skip the robbing part and just buy a PS4.
  15. Try anal sex.
  16. After you try anal sex, don’t sit down for a few hours because you’re gonna be sore.
  17. Get mad that I just suggested you get fucked in the ass.
  18. Have sex at the movies (unless it’s a Liam Neeson movie, then put your dick back in your pants and pay attention, god dammit!).
  19. Have sex with a cougar.
  20. Also have sex with an attractive older woman.
  21. Have sex while on ecstasy (if you have any leftover ecstasy afterwards, sell it to naive high school kids for an inflated price and use that money to buy ANOTHER PS4, or tickets to a Liam Neeson movie, or food for your pet cougar).
  22. Try 69ing.
  23. Try 68ing and 70ing, too.
  24. Use ice cubes.
  25. Use Ice Cube.
  26. Use blindfolds in bed. Take your blindfold off halfway through, start eating ice cream during sex while your girl is still wearing her blindfold. See if she ever notices. If she does, dump that bitch.
  27. Sex on the beach.
  28. Wash all that sand out of your ass crack after the sex on the beach.
  29. Read erotica (NOTE: must know how to read).
  30. Sex in a car.
  31. Sex WITH a car.
  32. Purposely get an STD and try to give it to Sarah Palin.
  33. Play strip poker (if you don’t know how to play poker, just get naked immediately).
  34. Use whipped cream (on ice cream, not on anyone’s body, you fucking pervert).
  35. Lose your virginity twice.
  36. Have sex in a public restroom/ die.
  37. Save yourself for marriage.
  38. Have one night stand.
  39. Have anonymous sex with a strange girl you met that night, then after the sex, set the alarm on your one night stand.
  40. Live in Iowa.
  41. Masturbate to a picture of Betty White while on a rollercoaster.
  42. Write a stupid article for TFM.

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      1. SharkWeekTFM

        I thought it had a little DeVry in there. The same bait and switch joke got lame after a after the first couple time but then got funny again.

        For some reason the ice cube ones got me good.

        4 years ago at 6:39 pm
  1. WolfOfWoosterStreet

    Wally, if you want users to stop wishing you would jump off the fucking Golden Gate Bridge then why do you keep writing in the same shitty try hard style?

    4 years ago at 9:41 am
  2. Butanefratoil

    I hope you trip and fall on a platter of tacos topped with period blood

    4 years ago at 9:50 am
    1. Fratstige Worldwide

      I don’t know the not sitting down after trying anal sounded like he knew from experience

      4 years ago at 9:59 am