42 Red Flags That Indicate She’s Probably Cheating On You
9 years ago

eb0a26449d63c1c9eba5fa37383a2998

  1. She owns an inflatable swan, donut, or killer whale.
  2. She owns a one piece with the words “dope” or “bae” on the front.
  3. Her mom has had more husbands than she’s had boyfriends.
  4. She posts text only Instagrams of common quotes and phrases to express her individuality.
  5. The only older man in her life isn’t her father.
  6. She has more than 10K Instagram followers.
  7. She pimps out tea, beauty products, or workout supplements to those followers.
  8. She claims all three cities of NYC, Miami, and LA in her bio.
  9. She documents every time she ever eats a slice of pizza.
  10. She only has guy friends because girls are “too much drama.”
  11. Self described “free spirit” who still hasn’t quite “found herself.”
  12. She “lives to travel” despite never leaving the state.
  13. Those nudes came a little too easy.
  14. She considers any time spent with a guy that owns a DSLR a professional photoshoot.
  15. You’re non-existent on all of her social media accounts.
  16. In fact, there’s not a single photo of her with anyone but herself on her social media accounts.
  17. She works out at the gym with her hair down.
  18. She makes a public display of tanning on campus.
  19. She went to both weekends of Coachella.
  20. She listens to The Weeknd and G-Eazy.
  21. She’s been on multiple DJ tour buses.
  22. She wears heels everywhere, including your intramural sports games and the fraternity house.
  23. She’s the sweetheart of another fraternity.
  24. She vapes.
  25. She takes photos eating dick shaped foods.
  26. She uses the dog filter on Snapchat on a daily basis.
  27. She drives a white Range Rover.
  28. She has a ribcage tat.
  29. She idolizes Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, or Lana Del Rey.
  30. Grinding with other dudes isn’t a “big deal.”
  31. Neither is anything that’s “not penetration.”
  32. Her sexual résumé consist of nothing but club promotors, bartenders, and athletes.
  33. She always “knows a guy” with bottle service.
  34. You’ve heard her drop “I don’t usually do this” on multiple occasions.
  35. The first time you had sex wasn’t in a bedroom.
  36. You slipped it backdoor without her even acknowledging it wasn’t her vagina.
  37. She goes to community college.
  38. She goes to a directional school.
  39. She goes to a state school.
  40. You weren’t cast in her role playing fantasies.
  41. You see her with a dick inside her that isn’t yours.
  42. She exists.
  2. Frabst

    Did you catch your girl catching dick on the side? It’s obvious she misses the “bitch tits” Dan.

    9 years ago at 1:17 pm
  3. Hungover Hero

    I pick my women the way Stevie Wonder picks which car he’s going to drive – the closest one that I can get into without making everyone around scream in horror. Past that, who gives a shit…

    9 years ago at 1:26 pm
  4. BoatShoesAndBooze

    I guess the Paige Spiranac update column had to come eventually, Dan.

    9 years ago at 1:27 pm
    1. GeebsNotGeeds

      I like it. He has developed a tolerance for the body shaming so we go after his manhood.

      9 years ago at 1:33 pm
    1. Schwanda

      ….and always gets that b-hole waxed before a weekend away “with the girls”….But never before my birthday.

      9 years ago at 2:11 pm
  9. jaredcutts

    I always thought Regester looked like the type of dude that’s been cheated on multiple times

    9 years ago at 1:55 pm
  10. Michael G Scott

    If Jan liked to show the videos of us having sex, is that a red flag?

    9 years ago at 2:03 pm
  11. Schwanda

    “She’s been on multiple DJ tour buses” –wow. That one hits a little too close to home 🙁

    9 years ago at 2:08 pm