5 Fun Activities For Your Pledges

Pledges protecting the President at all costs. TFM.

It goes without saying that every pledge class to go through your house will have to face a lot of adversity, and some of the things they have to do will drive them to their breaking point. Elsewhere on the spectrum of required pledge activities are the ones that are not outright hazing, but are still demeaning and make the pledges look like idiots. These kinds of activities are often the most fun to witness, and a little creativity can go a long way. Here are some fun ways to embarrass your pledges for the enjoyment of you and those around you.

Pledge Sandwich

Have a group of pledges go to the store and buy all of the ingredients necessary to make a sandwich. Once they put everything in the kitchen, give them their instructions: Each pledge is to be assigned to one ingredient of the sandwich, and they must eat everything in a set amount of time. You’ll almost feel bad for the poor kid who has to eat all the mayonnaise. The moral of this activity is that the pledge class can’t do anything by themselves, and must come together as a unit, or something.

Pledge Dunk Contest

Time to treat these pledges to an All-Star Weekend. Take them out to the basketball court outside your house or at a nearby gym, and see which of them has the best dunking skills. Once they’ve all had a go at it, change things up by making them jump over their own pledge brothers on the way to the basket. If barely any of them can dunk, this is a perfect chance to chide them for being worthless pieces of shit. To make it even more interesting, have them wear clothing that is completely useless for basketball, such as formal attire.

Pledge Shakespeare

This is a chance for everyone involved to become more cultured. Give the pledges a script for one of Shakespeare’s plays, but only let them have it for a few hours. From this, they must memorize what they can and create a short theatrical version of the play that they can perform. They’ll also have access to very limited costumes and props, but none of these can be appropriate for a Shakespeare play. As the pledges are acting out the scenes, encourage the actives to loudly berate them for badly delivered lines and poor acting, throwing rotten tomatoes at them all the while.

Pledge Picasso

For this, you’ll need to offer a prize for the winner, such as an exemption from pledge ride duties. Each of the pledges needs to be given a canvas and a set of paints. However, the “canvas” and “paints” can be literally anything. For instance, one of the pledges can be given a normal canvas, but only a tube of red paint with no brush. Another can be given a full set of paints, but their canvas is actually an empty 30 rack of beer. Another could be given a cardboard box and a jar of peanut butter. Whatever the case, the pledges’ tools need to be hilariously insufficient for the job, and none of them will end up winning the “contest.”

Pledge Platoon

It’s time for your pledges to be tested on the battlefield. Make sure that one pledge and one active has a radio with them, and send the pledges out into the night with the goal of retrieving a piece of property from another house. Along the way, give them orders such as “Hit the dirt!” and “The enemy has been spotted, so you’ll need to go prone and crawl the next 100 meters.” You could also have one of the pledges “take a hit” and have to be carried for the rest of the mission. Upon completing their mission, award them demeaning medals such as the “Congressional Medal of Being a Slow, Fat Piece of Human Garbage.”

    1. Henry_Eighth

      Well, let’s see… the written content started going downhill as Grandex concentrated on PGP and the podcasts, articles became less frequent and eventually petered out altogether. The commenters from the Golden Age Of TFM grew up and graduated and no one stepped in to replace them since there was nothing worth commenting on. The only reason people commented was to make fun of [redacted] and watch him dance around like a 5-year-old who needs to pee. That was amusing for a while but after you see a kid wet his pants several times it loses its charm. Jared still posts Tinder Pickup Lines each Thursday, but that’s about it.

      2 years ago at 6:29 am
    2. 50NosAndAYesMeansYes

      I’ll summarize:

      – A couple years ago they fired almost everyone on the paid writing staff and started farming out content to low-paid freelancers. The content on TFM shifted from original longform articles to low-quality clickbait listicle bullshit, and Grandex shifted its in house resources to PGP and the clothing brands.

      – They eliminated the video budget, causing Bacon to quit Grandex and get another job.

      – They killed TSM entirely. The site is still online but nothing’s been posted on it in almost a year.

      – The Grandex staff each started a bunch of podcasts about random shit which are their main focus now.

      – A few months ago TFM quietly stopped posting new articles and started recycling old ones. If most of the shit on the front page looks familiar, it’s because it is. They’re literally just reposting old articles verbatim from like 3-4 years ago as if they were new and hoping that their few remaining visitors won’t notice because they werent around originally.

      TL;DR: TFM is done. Grandex is now nothing but a collection of podcasts and an online clothing store.

      2 years ago at 3:38 pm
  1. Butanefratoil

    Making them count the number of thrust’s in a porno is a good one, and bonus points if it’s tranny porn, always tell them their number is off so they have to go rewatch it, the full proof way is they’ll have to edit the video to out a “thrust counter” in the corner of the video, extra bonus points if they’re smart enough (lol) to make a ding noise go with the counter. Make them fill a trashcan to the rim with piss, demonstrates teamwork. Dress them up in silly costumes and tie their arms behind their backs, tape 3 balloons on their back, and tazers on their noggins, and watch them Mario kart style battle royal, winner is congratulated with a bowl of hot beer. Forcing them to watch the pain Olympics on loop for hours straight is a great team building excercise, really builds character. Make them memorize every way to love a cat in the song “100 ways to love a cat” and have them be able to recite each one on command by number. Cover em all in “animal birthing lubricant” and make them assemble the new Ikea furniture with no instructions and missing pieces, all the while yelling things like “look fucknuts when I had to do this I built the same cocksucking cabinet and that piece definitely doesn’t go there” while being completely full of shit as you never did this, also no tools just throw them random shit like banana peels and empty beer cans, teaches problem solving. Phantom of the cockra, hire a stripper with a huge cock, pledges have to sing duets and pretend his cock is the mic, so the pledges just basically sing into a penis while you boo and throw shit at them, this one was fucking stupid, that was a waste of money. Getting like 20 pledges and seeing how many you can fit into someone’s car is always a good chuckle.

    2 years ago at 9:17 am
      1. Butanefratoil

        Thrust counter for tranny porn and trash can of piss were some of my favorites

        2 years ago at 6:25 pm
  2. Ass Buster

    Put them all in a pickup. Drive them 5 miles out of town. Make them push the truck back to the house. In the old, old days, they were usually stripped naked for this, but I don’t recommend it now.

    And if questioned just say, yeah, he ran out of gas and we’re helping him get home.

    2 years ago at 7:27 pm