50 Things Sorority Girls Should Know About Fraternity Guys

1. We don’t like your Lilly Pulitzer, we tolerate it.

2. We don’t want to hear about your period. At all.

3. There are very few things you can do that are better than a morning blowjob.

4. If you’re giving us head, for the love of God don’t remind us of the fact that you have teeth.

5. You might think that screaming at the top of your lungs during sex is a turn on, it isn’t.

6. We hate your 21st birthdays.

7. If you don’t like beer, pretend to when you’re around us.

8. If we’re playing pong, at least try to hit the cup when you shoot.

9. If you order whiskey at the bar, we are instantly going to be more attracted to you.

10. Oh, you turned a song lyric into the title of your Facebook album? How original.

11. Never say the word “mupload” in casual conversation.

12. Or “YOLO.”

13. Or “Totes.”

14. We might not remember your name after the first time meeting you. Or second, or third. Sorry, we drink a lot.

15. Don’t ask about pledge secrets, because we’re not going to tell you.

16. You know that sketchy locked door in the fraternity house that you’ve never opened? Don’t ask about it.

17. You can never underestimate the value of Reverse Cowgirl.

18. If we offer to buy you a drink, don’t make us look like assholes by asking for a “Dirty Shirley.”

19. Sure, we’d love to throw you a birthday party at the frat castle, just make sure you bring all of your (hot) sisters.

20. Baking for us “just because” is a great way to stay on our good side.

21. Just because it drizzled last Tuesday doesn’t mean you should wear those hideous rain boots.

22. Don’t make shitty philanthropy shirts, I promise you we won’t wear them.

23. Showing up at the house with bagels, cream cheese, and grain alcohol is the best way to get an early morning event started on the right foot.

24. If you’re under 21, GET A FAKE ID. If you’re pretty enough it doesn’t matter if the picture is of a 200lb black woman, you’ll still get in.

25. If you “borrow” one of our favorite frocket tees, then you better believe we’re going to get it back.

26. If we hooked up before and you’re going to be awkward about it, don’t bother talking to us at all.

27. If we’re watching a sporting event, at least pretend you’re interested and know what’s going on.

28. We don’t trust you with our iPod’s at parties, mostly because we know “Call Me Maybe” exists.

29. We’re not going to do your sorority gang sign in every picture we take together, stop asking.

30. Ask us on a function. If you’re any fun there’s a good chance you’ll get asked back.

31. If you’ve hooked up with multiple brothers, we already know about it. If we’re still talking to you, then we clearly don’t mind.

32. There’s a stripper pole upstairs for a reason, if you want to use it you won’t hear any complaints from us.

33. If you’re a telecommunication major, don’t complain about how hard your schedule is.

34. The Freshman 15 can easily become the Sophomore 25, don’t let it.

35. We don’t want to hear how much fun you had at a rival fraternity party.

36. Mean Girls is a funny movie. Hearing you quote it endlessly ruins it.

37. We don’t understand your fascination with monograms.

38. Yes, we can get you a pledge ride, but don’t start acting like you’re entitled to one whenever you want. They’re our pledges, not yours.

39. Don’t sneak pledges food during Hell Week. Don’t worry, we promise we’ll feed them…eventually.

40. If you order more than us during a late night drunken Taco Bell run, we’re going to be a little concerned.

41. If you know all the words to Justin Bieber’s songs, please keep it to yourself.

42. We don’t want to go see the new Nicholas Sparks movie with you because we know you’ll be a crying hormonal mess afterwards. Also because Nicholas Sparks sucks epic ass.

43. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaving SportsCenter on in the background during sex.

44. The key to a fraternity man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook dinner for us and “number one slampiece” status awaits.

45. If you’ve already sucked one dick that night, please don’t try to hook up with another one of us. I’ve seen it happen, nobody likes a snowballer.

46. Don’t underestimate the value of a well-painted function cooler.

47. If you’re sober at one of our parties for longer than 30 minutes, you’re doing it wrong.

48. If your mom is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to hit on her. Don’t worry, she’ll love it.

49. If your little sister is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to hit on her too. Don’t worry, she’ll love it.

50. If your dad is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to avoid you. Don’t worry, he’ll love it.

    1. Team_Fratdusky

      This child can grab his big wheel and come give me a nice rim job for this comment. Lace em’

      8 years ago at 3:15 pm
    1. OccupyMyCack

      51. If you get a haircut and I don’t say anything, it’s because I think you got a shitty haircut. So drop it.

      8 years ago at 4:38 pm
    2. HotDamnAlphaGamm

      There could be an amendment to #2 for it to be allowed if only referred to as “blowjob week”

      8 years ago at 12:19 pm
    3. TheCommodore

      52. I know my hat is awesome, that’s why I bought it. Stop fucking stealing it.

      8 years ago at 5:49 pm
    4. thebearjew

      53. Your fat friend isn’t beautiful. I know it, you know it, and everyone else knows it. Stop bringing her to parties because we all know she will just get “tired” and make you all go back to your house to hold her hair back as she projectile vomits that fifth of raspberry burnett’s she sucked down into her gullet.

      6 years ago at 1:21 pm
  1. Tom_Raper

    wrong on #27. DO NOT pretend like you know what is going on when watching a sporting event.

    8 years ago at 12:38 pm
    1. fratmydickbitch

      I totally agree. I fucking hate when a girl tries to act like she knows more than me about sports.

      8 years ago at 12:44 pm
    2. Tallapoosa Snu

      it should be changed to “cheer when we do, and get mad when we do. You don’t need to know why.”

      8 years ago at 12:49 pm
    3. Fraternity Lifestyle

      Rather, it should be “If you know a bit about said sport, don’t try to show off because we can easily blow you out of the water.”

      8 years ago at 1:00 pm
    4. Franklin H Brobey

      Agreed with Tallapoosa. If I’m pissed off and screaming, just call the ref a blind, paid-off bag of shit. I’ll agree, and you’ll be instantly more attractive.

      8 years ago at 2:11 pm
    5. sratheart90

      I would think that any man would be proud to have a woman who not only is great in the kitchen, wonderful in the bedroom, and beautiful, but can be intelligent and interested in sports. I played sports in High School and in college, and I am proud of that. I know that a true Fraternity Man would be proud of a woman like me. Maybe the “frat boys” who wrote this article and are ignorantly commenting like the little girl below my first comment should grow up and realize that this isn’t the 1940’s anymore. Women can do more than a great blowjob and a sandwich.

      8 years ago at 3:25 pm
    6. anon7472974648

      You’re right, they can also iron a shirt.

      BOOM hashtag ROASTED.

      Settle down, sweetheart; it’s a comedy site.

      8 years ago at 3:30 pm
    7. sratheart90

      I really just hate when guys automatically think a woman is stupid and should act like an airhead because she is wearing letters.

      And Caldwell, you are right I can iron a shirt very well. I just wish comedy was not always about putting girls down.

      8 years ago at 3:39 pm
    8. Fraternity Lifestyle

      ClassXI – your place or mine, sweetheart?
      sratheart90 – There are two reasons.
      1. Much of male bonding is making fun of each other. You’re on the TFM side.
      2. We wouldn’t make fun of female stupidity if it didn’t manifest itself constantly.

      8 years ago at 3:51 pm
    9. carolinahaze

      “I really just hate when guys automatically think a woman is stupid and should act like an airhead because she is wearing letters. ”

      We don’t assume this because you’re wearing letters. We assume this because you have ovaries.

      8 years ago at 4:19 pm
    10. FaFratstar

      @sratheart90 If you could make dinner, know what’s happening in a baseball game, and are attractive; then I’m pretty sure you’ve got no problem finding a guy. You’ll be alright.

      8 years ago at 4:32 pm
    11. sratheart90

      1. I did get a bid, more than one actually.
      2. Not all women are stupid, I will be starting a Master’s program in the fall.
      3. Baseball does not put me to sleep.
      4. FaFratstar, you are right I won’t have a problem finding a guy. I already have one.

      8 years ago at 7:53 pm
    12. Upper Fratosphere

      Hey sratheart, a masters degree in Elementary Education will take you far. You say you have a guy, but he must be a douche to put up with your meaningless opinions. You sound like you could use a good lay. Good luck finding someone to put up with you long enough to stick it in though. Go back to TSM and talk about how your such a princess. This is why there shouldnt be a computer in the kitchen.

      8 years ago at 9:17 pm
    13. carolinahaze

      I’m sure you’ll feel great about having that M.Ed. degree when your district hires some Teach for America geed with a BA in history to teach the grade above you. And he’ll be out-earning you because he’s a man.

      8 years ago at 9:42 pm
    14. BroOLO

      @sratheart90 we don’t know who you actually are. i doubt anyone’s opinions on here actually matter in the cyber world of the Internets. Keep Calm and Stay Funny

      8 years ago at 10:11 pm
    15. FPH

      maybe more fitting, dont take it personal when i’m in a bad mood for all of November, December, January and February

      8 years ago at 10:31 am
    16. fratrich_nietzsche

      @sratheart90
      We drive on the right side of the road in America. Driving on the left side of the road is perfectly sensible, and will get you to your destination just as well as driving on the right. In fact, driving on the left is common practice in Britain and Australia. Although, if you drive on the left in America, things are certainly not going to go well.
      So feel free to drive on the left, just don’t do it while living as a Greek.

      8 years ago at 5:15 pm
    17. sratheart90

      @nietzsche I do not see how being wellrounded makes me a “bad” sorority girl, but you can think what you want. My (now) Fiance, loves the fact that I am well rounded.

      Everyone else, props for the amusing posts. They have made me laugh quite a few times, thanks for bringing the comedy back to this site.

      8 years ago at 9:05 pm
    1. oldcrowhazingshow

      Complaining about complaining about complaining is much worse than just complaining

      8 years ago at 12:44 pm