1. Todd: His only friend is his mom, because no one likes him.
2. Chad: Backwards hat enthusiast into his late 30s.
3. Trevor: His parents have bailed him out of jail at least three times.
4. Garrett: He’s your quintessential dork, in all facets of life.
5. Kyle: He somehow weaseled his way into the cool group without anyone noticing or caring. “Oh yeah, I forgot to call Kyle.”
6. Charlie: A legend in his own mind, very rarely delivers.
7. Preston: His family is from the northeast. Has never seen a black person in real life.
8. Chase: Kid from the ‘burbs who was cool in high school then flamed out after graduation.
9. Stuart: He thinks he has pro potential in multiple sports, ends up in sales.
10. Christopher: Eurotrash douche bag. Just go by Chris, man.
11. Brian: Intramural sports enthusiast with a poor GPA.
12. Bryan: Tries to pick up women with his acoustic guitar.
13. Colin: Smart, quiet guy who routinely picks up girls way out of his league. Possibly homicidal.
14. Ross: Forever overweight, but he makes up for it with his sense of humor.
15. Isaac: Makes time in his schedule to argue with the crazy “You’re all going to hell” campus protester.
16. Carson: Raised upper-middle class WASP but somehow got two girls pregnant in high school.
17. Greg: Way too serious. Only likes athletes who “play the game the right way.”
18. Richard: Had a rough, penis joke-laden childhood. Still lacks self confidence.
19. Tom: Strong chest hair game.
20. Phillip: Straight-laced guy who lived by the rules until he got to college, then became the family outcast by doing drugs and getting arrested multiple times.
21. Connor: He low-key deals hardcore drugs while maintaining the facade of an upstanding member of society.
22. Jack: Gets to GameStop two hours early for every new Pokemon game’s midnight release. Tells people he’s there for Call of Duty.
23. Travis: Was way too into Emo music in high school. Now he calls it “alternative rock” and wears girl jeans.
24. Ian: Classic nerd. Hangs out with Garrett.
25. Doug: Feels naked without a sweater vest on.
26. John: Likes to drink a lot more than necessary, forgoes any longterm gym commitments.
27. Spencer: Skating and surfing is cool and fun until you have to pay your own cell phone bill.
28. Martin: Carries an umbrella at even the slightest chance of rain.
29. Garth: …..
30. Adam: Way too comfortable with locker room nudity. Watches too much South Park.
31. Rob: Really into show tunes and will sing for a girl on a first date.
32. Cameron: Pretentious douche who’s going into law school and lets everyone know about it.
33. William: Your typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed middle of the pack white kid. Second stringer on all varsity sports. Insists that you call him William, and not Bill, Billy, or Will.
34. Josh: Totaled his dad’s vintage Chevy junior year.
35. Neal: The village asshole with no filter.
36. Aaron: How much fucking weed do you need to smoke, man?
37. Nick: IQ of 80, habitual confuser of “your” vs “you’re,” frequent sports radio talk show caller.
38. Barrett: Says things like, “If you only knew what the government was really doing…”
39. Marshall: Has an anonymous #gent account on Twitter but insists on referring to it as a #gentleman account. Sells monogrammed socks for men.
40. Austin: Sports gambling addict, perennial fantasy football runner up.
41. Jared: Shows up uninvited to every social gathering. “Hey guys, fucking Jared just pulled up.”
42. Jason: Likes Kangol hats. He was edgy cool in high school but is pretty awful now.
43. Taylor: Uses expensive hair conditioner, drinks vodka Redbulls.
44. Michael: Ughhhh, fuck Michael.
45. Karl: Owns the latest gaming system before all his friends. Closeted World of Warcraft player.
46. Matthew: Average in every sense of the word. Had the party house in high school.
47. Paul: The “I’m not trying to get too big” guy at the gym. Also tall.
48. David: He’s not “Michael” boring, but he’s pretty close.
49. Blake: Will risk great bodily harm or even death to entertain people at parties.
50. Corey: Will try to bluff his way out of a fight with “I know MMA.”
51. Derek: Loves country music, baseball, and talking about how he blew out his shoulder in the state championship game.
52. Vince: Your illicit substance hookup.
53. Brandon: 4.0 student in high school. Didn’t drink until college. Hasn’t stopped since. Solid 2.5 average now.