7 Wondrous Products Your Fraternity House Bedroom Isn’t Complete Without

Jared Borislow7 years ago

Whether this fall semester will mark your first time as a live-in or you’re a seasoned veteran of living in Greek-branded (figuratively and literally) abject squalor, it will soon be time for the “who has the coolest room?” power struggle. Will it be Jenkins, with his collection of foreign blow-up dolls, or Keegan, with that 2-ton vintage bank vault he somehow managed to get up three flights of stairs?

Neither; it’s going to be you and your roommate, because you’re bored as hell right now and have time to make your room the most desirable spot in the mansion before you even get moved in. Get a head start on the competition by going halvsies with your roommate on these 7 fraternity house bedroom essentials.

Magnetic/Wall-Mounted Beverage Bottle Opener with Bottle Cap Catcher for No-Mess Convenience – Easy to Hang and Fun to Use – Bonus eBook and Hardware Included – Premium Quality

Drill haphazard holes in the wall (that next summer’s house manager will be responsible for plugging up) and stick this badboy up in your room. You’ll spend hours pounding beers just so you can pop open the next one and watch that magnet do its magnet job. How the hell do magnets work? I have zero clue. Maybe you’ll make that discovery this year; if you do, get back to me.

16-bit Entertainment System

Can’t get your hands on a vintage Super Nintendo on which to play countless hours of NBA Jam, Super Mario Kart, etc.? This thing’s just as good and half the price. Games not included, because I can’t do all the work for you.

2.6 cubic foot compact dorm refrigerator

You can be like one of my fraternity brothers, who drained our land plot’s power grid by putting a full-size refrigerator in his fraternity house bedroom, or you can snag this trusty little fucker, which will keep your beer cold and out of the hands of the shadier brothers in your chapter. It’s up to you.

GoPong 8-Foot Portable Folding Beer Pong / Flip Cup Table (6 balls included)

Never have to call downs on the house table again by owning your own. This is legitimately the best fraternity house investment you can make, as it will:

1) Save you hours of waiting
2) Turn your room into a great party spot
3) Liven up tailgates
4) Turn you into an insanely, almost concerningly good pong player

Rowdy Gentleman flags

No fraternity house bedroom is complete without flags, and we’ve got the flags. Many flags. Buy our flags.

Viper Shot King Sisal/Bristle Steel Tip Dartboard with Staple-Free Bullseye and 6 Darts

I know, I know — with SNES, pong, and darts in your bedroom, why would you ever leave? That’s the point, dingus. You’re trying to bring the party to you, and casual drunken games of cricket and 301 will accomplish that goal.

Coleman Lay Z Spa Inflatable Hot Tub

No commentary necessary (except this)..