Scientists Say Men Who Sit Down To Pee May Have An Improved Sex Life

Jared Borislow13 years ago

Now, I’m not 21 years old yet, so I’m not legally allowed to have sex. I’ve heard some great things, though. I can’t wait until I finally turn the big two-one and can indulge in all of these awesome frat staples in which the law currently prevents me from participating. Even when I am legally allowed to be that blacked out, whiskey-dicked gentleman who knows nothing about how to pleasure a woman, I would never listen to what these Swedish scientists are saying about a way to improve your sex life.

Medical research reported in Sweden’s Folket newspaper said that sitting might mean reduced prostate cancer risk and be better for you in the bedroom. That’s because the bladder empties more efficiently when men take a seat while urinating, and this improved bladder release supposedly decreases prostate problems and allows for a longer and healthier sex life.

Men standing while we pee is the only thing separating women and men’s bathrooms. If every man sat down while he peed, there would be no need for the urinal, the mecca of masculinity. How would I assert my dominance over all of the GDIs in the bathroom by doing the pants-down shirt-up little boy pee if there were no urinals to do it at? Not only that, but then every bathroom would be unisex. This would mean listening to bathroom girltalk. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to hear about lipstick, tampons, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas while I’m trying to peacefully masturbate in a Chili’s bathroom.

The lesson to be learned here is that doing something NF, even if it is to achieve a frat goal, is NF. It’s like buttchugging. Yeah, it gets you drunk faster, but at what cost? Your anal virginity. And that’s something I, for one, hope to keep until the day I die.

[via Mens Fitness]